Do I Email?

[alonetonight95]

Hi,

 

Background to my situation is here in this link:

 

My question now is, I am heading back home to New York after three months away (she broke it off three weeks into my time away). I am heading back approximately three weeks earlier than anticipated (the project ended up finishing early). I was going to send out an email to all my friends and family once I got back to New York letting them know (if they didn't know already), that I was home early.

 

Should I include her in the email list? It has been about 7 weeks since we last had any contact, and although I have come a long way and I am doing pretty well, I am dying to know if she still thinks about me. I guess the last thing I need for the healing process is to know that it was not just the distance that made her break it off. I thought it would be a no pressure, indirect way to contact her. That way, if she wants to make contact with me, then she can, and she knows that I am back in town.

 

What do people think?

[ElektraHere]

I suggest you leave her name off the mailer. If you are making progress in getting over her why bother dredging up feelings that could put you at a setback? I can tell you that she hasn't forgotten about you. I have that same thought process that they will forget me. I have been proven wrong so many times this year.

 

Wait it out another 6 weeks and see how you feel? If you can think of her ONLY as a friend and NOTHING more then shoot off an email. If you email in the hopes she emails you or calls you back saying she wants to get back together with you then lose her email address.

Good Luck,

[DN]

The hard fact is that if she wanted you back in her life she would have either contacted you directly or found a way to do it indirectly. I think you should leave her off the list and move on. I know it is hard but all you would be doing is bringing on a false hope in yourself.

[alonetonight95]

I guess my thought process behind it is to close the loop and make sure that it wasn't just distance that was behind her dumping me. DN, I certainly see where you are coming from, but if this was the reason, then she would have had no reason to contact me until I get back.

[DN]

Then go for it - but have low or zero expectations so you will not be too disappointed if she does not respond or shows no sign of wanting you back.

[Relationship Coach]

Being dumped is a hard thing and the fact that she did it while you were away says clearly that she wasn't going to wait around for you to return. Bottom line is she ended it. If she was so shallow to do it because you left, why would you want her back in the first place or even care what she is thinking or feeling? If she dumped you for any other reason, it's a moot point that you returned early. I say exclude her from your "due to arrive" email and continue on as if she does not exist. Don't force anything, let fate enter it's own plan for you.

 

RC

[alonetonight95]

Has this happened to anyone else? I would be really grateful to hear of anyone else who has been dumped whilst on holiday or away for work, and what happened when you returned.

[blender]

Alonetonight, Do NOT put her on you email list, this will only send a signal that you are "available" as a buddy to her, and I DON'T BELIEVE you are ready to be just that.. How great would it be if she simply "heard" somehow that you were back early and YOU DID NOTHING about contacting her? That is the ONLY way to go about this, of course I shouldn't say ONLY, because you always have the option of putting her on the group email, but I guess you really have to ask yourself, "Am I hoping she will respond?" If your answer to this is "yes" then you are putting your heart at risk, you really, really, are... give it some more time for you to get "stronger", I know from experience that it's too painful to "reach out" and not get the response you desire, you will get so much stronger if you "wait it out" a bit longer... "let go" it's the way to find out if she will "reach back for you" in time. She broke it off, take her words as meaningful, if she had the nerve to do something as painful as breaking up with you, she WOULD DEFINTELY have the courage to call you and see what you are up to, whether she thinks you are back in town or not yet... Please take care of YOUR heart first.... She will NOT forget about you if you are mysteriously NOT CONTACTING HER FOR AWHILE, ABsense MAKES THE MIND WONDER, AND IF THE HEART IS THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU, THEN YOUR ABsense WILL MAKE HER HEART WONDER TOO... let her go for today, just for today, and give yourself a chance to "heal". It's only been a VERY short time for her to be on her "own" so to speak, I know it seems MUCH longer for you because you are hurting... The ONLY time it is "safe" for us to contact an ex who dumped us is when we SERIOUSLY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO EXPECTATION OF A RESPONSE GOOD OR BAD FROM THEM, if you have even a "slight" wanting or need for her to "say what you want to hear" then wait, wait, wait, till you are stronger.... write here first all your feelings, just write it all out and wait.... we are all here for you, we've all been there, done that, and hate to see you make our same heart wrenching choices when your so "deep" into the "loss" for now, it will pass, it always does...

[alonetonight95]

So, I'm guessing that also means taking her friends off the list as well right?

 

Anyone else gone through anything similar? I would be very keen to hear how it turned out.

[blender]

Hey, yes, I took my ex's friend off any of my "list" and I didn't go around or near anyone connected with him. I needed to "heal" or I would keep having the same feelings over and over again. Whenever someone would run into him and then give me an update, I would spiral back down into depression, although for awhile I wanted to know ANYTHING about him. It was only after seeing my own "pattern" of ups and downs I realized the ONLY way I could "try again" with him, would be to completely remove myself from his life.

 

And in doing so, I started to "feel stronger", it was the ONLY control I had, and it was ONLY over myself. I CHOSE not to ask about him, and as always it was an ebb and flow of good days and bad days emotionally, I was in turmoil, but it all got lighter day to day as I started to "talk myself" into the "truth" which was, we broke up and now I had to move on and then I could see what was AHEAD of me, instead of focusing on the door that was shut behind me. I spent many months banging my head and heart against that "closed door" and the only one getting bruised was me.

 

I know look ahead, even if at times, I look back and get sad.. I am "better" and YOU will be too. Try to "let go" just one day at a time, and FATE will let you know what the next day's joy will be... but for today you might just have to feel "sad" and you'll be okay, this all happened for a reason.

 

You are going to get through this... FYI, my ex did contact me after 8 months of no contact, and at that point I didn't even respond.. I had enough "perspective" by then to know that if someone loves me, REALLY loves me, they would "let me know" in no uncertain terms.. if an "ex" can't simply say, "I made a mistake and would like to try again" then your fighting a losing battle. You've already given so much of your "energy" to your "ex", get selfish for today and take care of YOU.

 

I know it's so difficult, I never thought I'd get "over it" but it does get better, and ya know what? I'm "better" in all areas of my life. Any emotional crisis presents an "opportunity" for personal growth, and now I wouldn't trade my heartache in for anything.. I've learned so much. Keep posting here with any questions, and keep asking YOURSELF, what do I REALLY want and does SHE have it, or do I have to find it in "myself" first? I know you miss her, but let her "miss you" for awhile, in the meantime, get in shape emotionally and physically, because you will eventually run into her, or she will call and you be more than "ready" to accept any outcome. hang in there..

[alonetonight95]

Believe me, I am trying to look forward as much as possible. However, it is tough, as all my progress so far has been made away from temptation and her.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation?

[alonetonight95]

Just a quick update on the whole situation. I am back in New York and I did include her on the group email to announce my return (early). I received a one line email from her saying that she hoped I enjoyed my time there. I replied saying that I wished her the best and that I hoped she was happy. Two days later I found out from a mutual friend that she has been seeing someone for about 4 weeks now. So I guess that ends that.