slowly starting to sink in

[deejay74]

well i guess this is a good thing. this morning i feel the reality of not seeing or talking to my ex (perhaps never again) is starting to sink in.

 

on one hand i am happy that i am breaking free of the bonds that i have had with her and that i can start looking to the future with more optimism but at the same time, i am still sad. i guess i am still sad because i still want my ex in my life somehow but as everyone knows, i made a big mistake the other night which pretty much closed off that option. in all honesty, with all her faults, she made a huge impact on my life and influenced a lot of things that i do now. i've never had a relationship with someone for only 6 months for them to want to end it and have nothing to do with me. i haven't even known this girl for a year. we got really close during our relationship and she became my best friend, now she's just gonna be another person on the street. this is really hard to accept

i mean, i am still friends with my ex-ex.

 

these past 5 days have been the worst rollercoaster ride of emotions since the break up itself.

 

i don't really have any resentment towards my ex and i hope she doesn't towards me either. i just hope that she doesn't regret going out with me or forget out me, i know i won't.

 

i've had many progresses and relapses, this last one was probably the biggest relapse, but now i really, really hope that i keep moving forward.

[deejay74]

first of all, thanks screechytires for your reply, it does make me feel better.

 

i am about to hijack my own thread...lol!

 

i've noticed a pattern in the women that i seem to choose, this is not done consciously and i wonder if it is coincidence or not.

 

it seems that i end up liking, or dating, women who are either emotionally unavailable or too busy and too wrapped up in their lives and i don't know why this keeps happening.

 

my ex dumped me because she was too busy and the last time we talked she revealed to me that i was "emotionally draining" and i believe i was like that because she was emotionally unavailable and too self-absorbed and concerned with her life. prior to that, i liked this one girl who also was "too busy" and was never available to hang out. we only went on 2 dates and nothing every happened with her. i am beginning to see a pattern with the women i choose and i don't see the warning signs until it's too late.

 

the other thing i've noticed about these 2 girls, plus the my first girlfriend, is they've ALL had some sort of parental absense. my recent ex hated her father, he left her family when she was young and he was a drug dealer. she grew up very poor in Louisiana and is the first person in her family to go to college. when we went to new orleans to visit her family, she didn't even call her father.

 

the other girl who i only dated twice also hated her father. she's not incontact with him and didn't invite him to her graduation from Columbia University.

 

My first gf's mother died when she was only 11 and doesn't have any siblings. She found out later that her father was not her real father. She had some issues too.

 

why do i keep finding these types of girls and why am i so attracted to them? I just realized this pattern today.

 

any thoughts or opinions on how to see the warning signs? or should i just make myself "too busy" as well?

[NJRon]

it seems that i end up liking, or dating, women who are either emotionally unavailable

 

This is the exact problem I have. I date women that are really great, healthy, happy individuals who treat me right. And I just can't get that butterfly feeling.

 

Throw me in the room with the ice queen or the committment-phobe and I am in love.

 

The only things that are helping me identify this are:

 

1. When I feel that heavy infatuation coming on, I step back and really evaluate the situation and not let it carry me away. If that means to break contact entirely, I do it. Maybe *I* am becoming the commitment phobe here, but it's the only way I know to keep those blinders off for now.

 

2. I made a list of all the "issues" that the women that were bad for me had. Then I made alist of things that I look for in a woman. Then, I compare a woman I am interested in against those lists and see where they fall. One or two things on the bad side, oh well... all bad and I can't stop thinking about them? Watch out!

 

It feels a bit clumsy and calculating, but it's really the only thing I have to go by right now... hopefully, one of these days, it could be natural. And who knows, I might actually fall totally in love with someone who is healthy for me... miracles can happen.

[ut_longhorn]

IWB,

 

You have a few more ups and downs to go, but as long as the general direction you're going is up...you'll be fine.

 

And I agree with screechy...relationships are never final. In a year or two, when all romantic feelings have been purged, I'm sure she will be up for a friendship. And by that time, if she doesn't want a friendship, then you won't even care.

 

Psychology says people tend to remember the good about relationships as time passes by. Im sure she'll remember you with fondness in the future as long as you weren't a huge A hole in the relationship.

 

I know how you feel about wanting her to to be willing to be friends with you. At this stage, its you hanging on to the last threads of any relationship with her. It takes time to cut all those strings.

 

no contact from now on man. each time you have contact, its not been pleasant. focus on yourself. on your future. on your goals. outshine everyone around you and see how that makes you feel. guarantee you that you'll feel 1000% better about yourself.