I can't get over him!

[69HondaRaceGirl23]

This may get long, so please try to stay with me. Im only 16, 17 on saturday. But I have loved deeper then I ever thought I could. I guess so you can understand, you have to know it from the beginning.

I have always been the type of person who stayed far away from any relationship risking getting hurt. I didn't want to take that chance. I had seen my sisters heart crumble too many times to let it happen to myself. I fell head over heels for Nicky. A motorcycle racer whom I had followed for years. But a little over a year ago, I got introduced to Alex. Right away, my heart dropped. His Australian accent, dark hair with green eyes that pierced right through anything. I knew right then I would leave with him in my mind. By the time I got home I couldn't stop thinking about him. So I went to his website, posted a message on his message board, and a few days later he e-mailed me back. We talked all the time, and by November, we were already going out. By January, he brought up that he loved me. I was so caught up in it, that tears flooded my eyes and I realized I truly loved him back.

Well things got messy and we broke up in march. A week later though, we were back together, and this time making future plans. As soon as I could it was planned I would go to California and travel to the races with him. We had our children named and even the kind of dog we would have. I like pit bulls but he likes rottweilers, and I would have done anything to make him happy so we agreed that we would have rottweilers. I could not imagine being any happier. I had completely changed my lifes plans. I mean I thought, screw college, I don't need to act or model any more, Alex makes plenty of money, he has security... everything.

How stupid I was. In may, out of nowhere. He didn't call me for 3 days. I was so distraut. I mean, the day that we stopped talking, he called me but I was in a bad mood because I was with my mom and we had gotten in a fight. So I told him I would call him later, He kept asking me what was wrong, but I was being snotty and told him I would call him later. That night I called him and he was so shady. Then i didn't hear from him for 3 days. So I finally emailed him, and he called me and said, that he no longer had a girlfriend. My whole world it seemed fell in front of me.

Now, he has a new girlfriend. One that he wanted to cheat on with me at the motorcycle races in Minnesota. But instead, to piss him off, I got with one of his team mates and good friends. He told me I was crazy and he wants nothing to do with me. I revealed to him the 2 times I cheated on him. He told me that, his new girlfriend lives in Wisconsin and he goes to stay with her a lot.

It gets worse. July 3, I called him to tell him that I missed him. He told me why it was exactly he was so mad about me getting with his teammate. Then he said, "Alicia, I have to go now please don't ever call me again" I said, "Fine!" and hung up. Well the next night. He called to stomp on my heart. He called and said, "I love you" I kept telling him to stop. Then He asked what if he really did, I said that he sucked at showing it. He started laughing saying its because he doesn't really love me so he couldn't suck at showing it. He started laughing and said, "I just wanted to call and trick you" I didn't say anything, I just felt tears rolling down my face and I hung up.

I feel it is my fault we broke up. I still love him. I can't stop thinking about him. I don't know what I am supposed to do! SOmebody please help me! Im drowning. All I want to do is get drunk all the time. It releases me, makes me happy, then I go to sleep without even wanting to talk to him. If I am sober I have to call him blocked then hang up when he answers just to hear his voice. I listen to depressing songs. I cry all the time. Which believe me I am not one to cry. I want him back, I would be willing to do things different, I would be willing to do anything if I could have him back. Its been months what is wrong with me?

[raggamuffin]

For starters I think that getting drunk is a really bad idea because alcohol acts as a depresent which basically means it makes you feel sader and more depressed than you already did. I know that everyone will tell you this but it takes time, many of us have thought that we have been inlove with "the one" but they are only one of "the ones" Someone who can talk to you so horribly and tell you he was only tricking when he said he loved you is not worth you tears or your love, you are far better than that. Do things that you enjoy doing that make you happy, hang out with your friends and go to dances.