She dumped me...

[RyanB18]

Ive lost the best thing I ever had in my life. She said her excuse was that she just didnt "feel it" anymore... I am completely miserable now and she is perfectly fine again... I just want to be able to get over her and move on since she has already forgotton about me. Its just insane how you can love someone for 11 months with all your heart then one day they break up with you...Im so depressed...

 

-Ryan

[WahlbergCasket]

the first part of breaking up is the constant thinking "how could we love each other for so long, know every little detail about them, all her ticklish spots and where she loved to be touched," blah blah. this will torture you until you choose to not let it. I for one, let this torture me still. it hurts, it just plain sucks that you lost her. if i was strong i would forget about her and move on: people say it like its so easy. don't let that get to you, you can take however long you need to get over her. go buy some good music. some people think listening to sad music makes you more sad. for some this may be the case, but it helps me. listen to some Red House Painters or the Cure or Joy Division. good luck

[lonely days]

You may not be with this girl anymore but there is no way that she has forgotten about you. I agree that it hard to believe that someone can love you and then all of a sudden not want anything to do with you anymore. Keep your chin up and try and spend time with your friends and do things that you enjoy. It may not make things better for your situation but it will help you keep your mind off her.

[tyler711]

I don't know the reasons behind her leaving, so I'm saying this based on what you wrote. Don't go rush out and try to meet other girls to forget about her. Maybe in time she will come back, but probably not. Get a good workout routine started. Go with some friends to a movie. Occupy yourself so you don't dwell on this. Take everything you have that reminds you of her and put it in a box. Don't throw it away, but keep it somewhere that you don't have to look at it. Keep yourself busy and if she never contacts you again then move on at your own pace. You will meet someone else eventually, but you want it to be under the right circumstances. Good luck!

[WTHUWY]

I know you're hurting, and right now all you can think about is HER. And it seems like you're never going to get over it, like you're never going to find anyone better then HER. Its hard to understand how she can possibly be happy and you be so miserable...Its only normal to feel this way. It will take some time, but it will get easier. I promise. It takes time to heal from a break up, and it is a very painful process.

 

You will come to realize that its ok to have a few people who come into your life that will cause you to experience heartache, saddness, loneliness. Its those people who we love and never thought we could live with out that show us in the end who we were meant to be, give us strength to continue, and give us the knowledge of how to be better.

 

My grandmother's words of wisdom that have helped me through some of the hardest times in my life: "This too will pass."

[GottaLetItBurn]

It's no that easy, she will not be able to move on all of a sudden and never think of you. If that was even possible, then she is a sociopath, and is never going to be satisfied with anyone.

 

I'm not one to try and give someone hope, but you will probably have to ignore her when she calls to see how your doing. I think she might because 11 months is a long time. You'll get over her whether you want to or not if you have NC for a long time.

[kadvati79]

I agree with alot of the advice given above. I also think, after 11 months of love, you don't have to get over her yet. That will come later. You love this girl, but you're not with her any more. Its alright to hurt, just don't let it destroy you.

 

I agree RE: the gym routine. Re-engage with your friends and family. Make times when you DON'T talk about her with them, and just ask them questions about their lives (even the best of friends gets tired hearing the same thing over and over again).

 

Give yourself some time before you start analysising and making decisions. You don't know what the next few months are going to bring but right now you have yourself and you need to focus on that.

[Bigbilly]

Good advice, all of it.

 

You've got a nasty couple of months ahead of you, friend. We've all been there, but we're all stronger people for it, as you will be hopefully soon.

 

For starters, I know you're probably fantasizing about the two of you getting back together. Well, stop it. It's not going to happen, and dwelling on that thought is going to drive you insane.

 

No contact. Nothing. You pretend like she doesn't exist, and that you can't hear the phone ring when she calls or you can't read her texts or emails or whatever. This is critically important. There's no point hoping for a reconsiliation, and there's no point letting her have anything to do with you. No contact. There's no closure to be had right now, it's too fresh and you're hurting too much.

 

Remember your good traits, and work on yourself. Yes, go work out. I started working out when my ex and I were through and I am in the best shape of my life now. People who haven't seen me a while tell me how good I look these days.

 

JUst try your best to keep busy, and let time work it's healing magic. And once more, do NOT try to contact her, in any way, and don't requite any attempts on her part to contact you. Ignore them. She will not call you out of the blue telling you she's made a mistake and wants you back, and even if you did those sorts of situations are always disasters.

[kadvati79]

Hmm. Don't entirely agree with you there Bigbilly. I agree don't cling on to hope, but also - nothing in the future is certain and we don't know any of the specifics of the relationship. If she went out with him for 11 months, and they loved each other, and suddenly after the breakup she is out "perfectly fine again" - in my experience this is the period of post-breakup bliss that I have felt as a dumper when I have been brooding about dumping someone for ages... like "yey I finally did it".

 

But then, as the weeks past, that bliss fades. The grass of single life isn't as green as I thought, and it was only really because I was so callous with my breakups that most of my ex's never contacted me to "make up" or I probably would have.

 

The approach I took to my breakup, and that I would recommend, is to take a "mental vacation" from having to make decisions about the relationship inside your mind for a few months. Who knows whether I will really want my ex back in two months? I grieved strongly for two weeks, but the DAY after the breakup I was out in the gym. I still hold hope for the future, but its not just pinned on my ex. Either we will work things out, or I will be happy single until such time as I connect with someone else.

 

I launched into No-Contact because I read it here, but not because I rationalised it was the right thing to do - which in my case - it wasn't. And it ended up making me more upset than I should be.

 

I read elsewhere on the board, that in the end u gotta do what u gotta do. If you honestly believe that you MUST contact your ex. Contact them. Eventually, when the cop's are dragging you away from her place for violating the restraining order... you will figure it out and go No-contact. But I think a person has to reach the point of WANTING to go NC - or it just won't work and they will yo-yo along.

 

I am in limited contact. We contact each other occasionally on MSN, but generally I have him deleted and I will signoff the minute conversation makes me too uncomfortable. I learned quickly that "knowing" what he was up too had the HUGE potential to hurt me. But I had to actually feel the pain before I put in place a policy of not wanting to know...

[RyanB18]

Wow you guys, I really appreciate it all every one of you guys who has left me something to cheer me up. You have no idea how good it feels to know that there are people out there as kind and caring as the people on this site, thanks again so much im trying really hard to stay strong...

[Bigbilly]

It may or may not be fully true, but it is what he needs to be putting through his mind right now and telling himself. If he clings to that hope, it's going to drive him crazy. I know, because I clung to false hope myself once.

 

The fact is, you've been given an opportunity to vastly improve yourself as a person. Without a girlfriend, you've suddenly got a lot more time and money than you've been used to having. I suggest you use it well. Get out and live, and grow. Meet other women. Just casually, of course. You aren't ready for another relationship just yet, but it can really help to just make some lady friends. And don't be letting this fantasy of a reconsiliation take a hold of you. I know it's hard, but you gotta fight it. It's for the best.

 

Think of it like this. Suppose you run into her, say, a year from now. How do you want her to look at you and think? Do you want her to see the same bedraggled, depressed-looking chump she broke up with, or a guy who looks like a million bucks? Who is confident, in great shape, upbeat, and a go-getter. Think about it.