Im sick of hearing the same old thing!

[Nirrep]

Hi

I'm a guy

 

I'm not even sure why I'm doing this.

I'm nit the kind of person to come on a board like this and post my problems. but here I am.

 

Ok here it is

I have a disability I only have one eye and I'm kinda ugly.

that makes getting a girl real hard. I'm 17 and I have never had a girlfriend. most of my best friends are online they all tell me the same thing oh your going to find a great girl someday and she will be so luck to be with you and all that.

well what about all those people who grow up and die and never even find a girl to settle down with. what about them hu? I mean I'm sure some of them were told the same thing. of you will find a girl don't worry. But did they? no. so what makes me any different. oh well anyway I don't know what I'm going to do but I'll figure something out...I mean I'm a nice guy I'm not one of those Ass grabbers I treat girls with respect. there are girls that I really like and one that I like a lot but none of them ever like me the same way in return. well pleas feel free to reply say anything you want. if anyone knows the secret to finding the secret to what ever I am doing wrong please by all means tell me.

Thanks.

[crookster_man]

Nirrep, I can see that you are quite troubled with the girl situation. You fear that you will end up alone and not have that "special" someone in your life.

 

First off, many people with disabilities are with other people. I volunteer at a program called Track 3 where I teach disabled kids to ski. Many kids there start dating and/or make really good friends. So finding people is not the problem.

 

It sounds like your confidence and self worth are rather low. This is understandable, people in high school are very cruel and all about looks rather then personality. Remember you are in high school, teens are far less accepting of people the adults. Things will get much easier for you in the future (20+)

 

What you need to do now is focus on building your self up. Strengthening your confidence and ego. If you feel down about yourself why don't you start being more active, running, working out, biking or swimming... This is a great way to get healthy, and improve your self-image (If you feel ugly do something about it. You can change a lot). Try other activities, which will give you a sense of accomplishment.

 

Understand this, confident, proud, and self-assured guys GET GIRLS. Your physical appearance is secondary to your own self-view. You must love yourself before anyone else will. Life is %10 what happens to you and %90 how you react to it.

 

I hope this helps you have come to the right place, you are among friends. If you have any other question or if you feel this doesn't answer you question please post again.

[musicchicus]

Hmmm, how to respond to this one?

 

I'm sorry for your pain. I can't sympathize, but I can empathize. 17 is hard, regardless of the challenges you face...

 

In regard to getting a girl...

 

Forgive my cheesy cliche, but beauty comes from within. While you might consider yourself "ugly" or unattractive...others may see you as unique or exotic.

 

Honestly, its all in attitude.

 

Some people are fat, some are in wheelchairs... If you have a "life sucks and no one loves me" attitude, then it will. When you develop a "this challenge sucks, but I'm going to live my life as positvely and happily as I can" attitude, you will be a lot more attractive and interesting to girls and people in general.

 

"What do I know?" you ask. Well, I spent 5 years of my life with a man who had been in a serious car accident when he was younger. He hit a very big tree head-on and his face was considerably scarred - big, nasty scars. But he saw it as a challenge, not a death sentence. And you know what, after I met him...I never even noticed it again. It was just a part of who he was. And I don't regret a day of the time I spent with him.

 

Now, I understand that 17 is hard. I really understand, I've been there. Teens are judgemental, looks conscious and sometimes downright mean. Perhaps you need to look for someone special in other groups...consider someone a bit older, with a bit more experience and kindness. Look for someone else who also has a challenge and you may find you have common issues.

 

Consider working with your challenge, rather than railing against it. Consider medical possibilities to help you fix the challenge.

 

But regardless, keep a positive attitude as much as possible and you will find yourself FEELING more attractive...and you will be much more attractive to others.

 

I wish you the best of luck and truly hope you find peace and someone who treasures you like you deserve.

[Nirrep]

I'm sorry maybe I didn't post enough about my self.

 

I don't go around with a life sucks adulthood. and I do work out

going out with a girl at school is almost out of the question. mostly because I already asked the ones I like and most people at my school are not really mean... but like you said judgmental. and even if a girl did want to go out with me there is also the embarrassment of being seen with me in the halls. I do feel ugly and I know looks aren't everything but I'm sure they help. There isn't much I can do about my face. my eye is screwed up and I look like I'm half awake all the time with my eye half open I have no muscle in it. I just really want to find a girl now I would like someone to talk to when I need it and I would like someone that comes to me wanting help also. well if that gives you a little more info about me then cool sorry I should of said that stuff in the first place.

[Nirrep]

Oh and thankyou for takeing the time to give me advice.

[bzborow1]

You mentioned something that stuck out to me, and I used to consider myself the Mr.Nice guy while others got dates so I have a ballpark idea of the situation. The phrase nice guys finish last is so true, but it's a fact of life. The first thing is that you're not going to get women by being overly nice to them, that's what friends are for. Women will tell you they want a sensitive and caring guy, but they always end up with the muscle-bound jerk!!!! Why is that? I think it's because the nice guy doesn't offer a challenge, nor is a boring nice guy fun to be around.

 

I would check this site out, it's really great for overcoming the "nice guy" mentality without becoming a total jerk:

 

link removed

 

As for your disability, I know it's hard to believe but when the ladies on here tell you it's about "inner beauty, blah, blah..." they're partially correct. Women want to see someone with the confidence of going through what you have and don't care about it. The jocks who get the dates are the ones who are so full of themselves it's sickening, but women LOVE their confidence.

 

I'm not going to sit here and lie to you and say looks don't matter, because they do. A women will tell you they want a nice guy, but that's after they've decided you're hot (worth their time). But you must also understand that being rejected is just part of the game. On some site they mention that guys usually have about a 3/10 chance of getting a girls number in a bar, and a 1/10 chance if you don't know the girl and are just asking for the number, so the rest of us guys are here with ya. So you just gotta keep pluggin away, one more no is just one more no closer to yes!!!!

 

Good luck,

 

Bill

[ditzgirl]

you need to change how you feel about your self. so if you have a disability everyone does some show more than others. what girl would want a depressed down on himself person. re-evaluate yourself and think of way to improve your bad qualitys and bring out the great ones. this will make a difference in your life. if it doesnt make the girls come then atleast your not down on your self.

[Nirrep]

well to what Swingfox said I have looked for Counseling but I don't even think we have place in this area that does that and I'm not sure I have the money to pay for it either. is there a way to get Counseling online?

 

and I'm really not depressed I mean I don't go moping around all the time I try to look good when I'm around girls I try my best to look like a fun guy to be with and all but they all just kind of turn like they don't want to be seen with me or something. I know some people say Internet relationships are bad but I say if its true love then so be it. there is this one girl I like online and she talks to me a lot she gave me a chance and understands that I'm fun to be around. I told her how I felt and she just didn't have the same feelings for me but we are still good friends so I think if a girl would give me the chance she would understand that I can be cool and all. my problem is getting them give me a chance and maybe talk to me when I talk to them instead of not listening or something.