hennypenny3288 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I am new to this site but I have been lurking on here for awhile. After reading postings and threads, I need some opinions. If you were to go out and date someone, after how many dates would it hurt if the person dumped you? How many dates does it take people to get attached to someone? And after how many dates if one was to be the dumper that just disappearing would be considered a major booboo? Link to comment
mystik Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Firstly, Welcome to enotalone! Secondly, Doesn't it always hurt when someone rejects you? All your questions have really subjective answers!! Some people don't get attached easily. They're either too scared to because they've been hurt before, or because they simply don't care. Others get attached from "hello." Just disappearing is always bad. There isn't a certain number of dates where it's worse. Don't continue dating someone or NOT continue dating someone because of a certain number of days. Oh yeah, you can't say how many dates. I mean, what if you went on a date once a week? Then four dates would be a month. But what if you say someone every day? Then four dates would only be four dates. Why are you asking all these questions, just curious? Maybe you should tell us your story if you have one Link to comment
hennypenny3288 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Thank you for your answers. In regards to dating, I meant 4-5 dates spaced out like once a week, once every ten days, and so forth. Some people after a few dates, if it doesnt work out, they disappear. A friend of mines had that happen to her. She was really hurt by that. Link to comment
mystik Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Some people after a few dates, if it doesnt work out, they disappear. A friend of mines had that happen to her. She was really hurt by that. That happens all the time with me and my friends. I don't know if it's because we're in college though... but personally, I get attached pretty easily. I always have to say "no mystik, no" but it still basically sucks every single time. But after a few times of it happening, you kind of realize that you shouldn't have high hopes for someone until it has been plenty and plenty of dates instead of just a few. I know others who can sleep with someone right after meeting them and easily forget about them the next day though. Life would be so much easier if I could be like that! Link to comment
hennypenny3288 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 It would be good if we did not have the ability to form attachments to people or things. Emotions can be an evil thing. Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 It entirely depends on how attached you become and is not based on the number of times you see each other. However, in the world of dating, the first few dates are just "getting to know you dates" and it is typically acceptable to just stop, no questions asked. Assuming of course something wasn't said that would lead the other person into believing there was something more there. Once it gets past a few dates, more explanation is typically deserved. But, even then, that depends greatly on the specific relationship. If I went on 3 dates with someone, and I was just normal and not hea dover heels, and they said they didn't see it going anywhere, I would be disappointed, but not overly hurt. Link to comment
venus777 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 personally, even if we just talked a little bit or just went on one date, i **always** tell people if i decide i'm not interested. i just think it sucks to leave people just wondering what is going on, i hate how that makes me feel. so i never let anything be ambiguous. and i've been told that it was truly appreciated on a few occasions... personally, i think if i went on a few dates and they went WELL, i'd be confused why he didn't call me again, ya know? it's real easy to just write a quick email or message to make it nicer for others... Link to comment
hennypenny3288 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 NJRon, when you say the first few dates, how many would that be? 1, 2, 3? What would be considered past the intial "getting to know you" dates? Dating is such a complicated game. Link to comment
fishrrshortae Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I think it definitely depends on the person .. if you click, it's easy to get attached .. if not, it doesnt matter either way what happens.. just disappearing is not acceptable if the person is trying to get ahold of you, I think the least you could do is tell that person you're not interested in a relationship.. Link to comment
hennypenny3288 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 I do have a tale to tell about this, but for another day. Just wanting to gather information for my friend. Do most people find it pretty easy to get attached to a girl or guy, or is isnt something that is difficult to do? Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Number of dates... for me, 3 is the limit for just "getting to know you" dates. I always break things off cleanly if I'm not interested. I don't just stop responding. I think it shows more respect to be upfront and clear. There are some girls I have become attached to right away... sometimes before we have even met. Others, I don't for a very long time, if at all. that entirely depends on the situation and the person. However, if you are repeatedly getting attached to someone within the first few dates and then getting hurt because they break it off, I definitely think you should work on maintaining a little emotional distance. Link to comment
hennypenny3288 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Attachment is never a good thing. I find it sad that some people get attached easily and others don't. It happens a lot. How do people avoid attachment situations? Link to comment
Lansing Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 The worst thing is when the other person tells you how they enjoy spending time with you, and how they have fun, how they like you, etc ,etc.... Sometimes I wonder if the other person just wants a "relationship" vs having one with me, since, when a person disappears after a while you are like "what the heck happened"...... It has made me trust people's words less.... for sure... Link to comment
hennypenny3288 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Yes, people can be untrustworthy, hence my signature, "the sky is falling". Lansing, when the person disappeared, was a reason given, or did they just drop off the face of the earth? Link to comment
chaos Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 If it's someone I like I tend to get attached pretty easily. I've only had one date with this current girl, but before we'd even gone out I was really into her, just from our phone calls. Lately though, I get the feeling something else is going on and she's just not interested (or at least as interested) in me. It's all in my thread "Just Met This Girl" if you're interested in the whole mess. However, I'd much rather she was just up front with me about what was going on, if anything. I hate being lied to and an ommission is as good as a lie as far as I'm concerned. Being rejected is going to hurt, no matter the level of attachment, but it's better than being left wondering. Link to comment
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