My Dilemma (help pls)

[SchismOfTheHeart]

Alright, so this is my Dilemma.

About four months ago i noticed that i was really starting to like this girl. So, as most guys would, i started to get to know her, talked with her on aim, found out what she liked, you know, the routine. I talked to her friends, and my friends and they all confirmed what i knew to be the truth, she was shy. But i thought since i was shy around people i didn't know, maybe we would have a lot in common (which we do), and as i grew accustomed to her, and less shy, i was able to talk to her more and more, but she is still stuck at what i call phase one. And she does the most peculiar things, and i have no idea what to make of them. For instance, when we talk on the internet, there comes a point where she says something, and even when i understand it, she says i don't and then says, i don't think i can even talk to you right now. This has happened three or four times, and i can't tell if she is kidding or not because the next day we talk just like every other day. Another odd thing has to do with notes. I haven't had much experience with girls, but the experience i have had has shown me that girls love getting notes and reading them and what not. However, the first note i wrote her, i hid in her hood on her sweatshirt and she found it later(in the note i said that i hoped it made her smile), and so later i asked her if the note did make her smile and she said that it made her angry... once again, no idea if she was just joking, and the next day she was fine. So i decided that maybe she just liked the note and didn't know how to express it? I don't know. I wrote up another one and this time she caught me when i put it in her hood, but instead of taking it like everyone else does, she threw it back at me, she laughed when she did though and then told me we were on non speaking terms. Later that day i slipped it in her locker, and that night i asked her if she got it, and she said yes but now we were on double non speaking terms... i don't know why i didn't stop with the notes, but i didn't. The day after that she had locked up her locker so i couldn't put the note in, i folded it really small though and slipped it in anyway.... I talked to my friends about it and they said i should just let her talk to me first now. It is so confusing because if she was doing all of this with an annoyed and angry look on her face i'd get the idea, but whenever she is not doing these odd things, she talks to me and laughs and jokes around. I'm wondering if i should just give up.

 

Sorry this is so long, i just had to make sure i got most of it out there so i can get some help, any would be appreciated.

 

Thanks, Dennis

[ladeedah]

Ok, listen...there is just way too much mind games here. Not very fair to you...if you like her just come out and say it to her and if she says ok i like you too than great and if not than leave her alone and don't piss her off any more than you already have...You've been really giving it a good try and she doesn't seem to be helping you out at all. She's sounds like either she's confused or not interested b/c I'm shy but I would never throw a note a guy gave me who i liked. Thats just not nice and I think you deserve a lot better.

[ShySoul]

Has she had a previous relationship? My first thought was that she has been hurt in the past and is now scared of getting close to anyone else. Perhaps certain things remind her of that and set her off, such as receiving notes. The anger she displays at you, almost certainly has nothing to do with you. First guess is that it is at someone from her past that she hasn't forgotten and still has unresolved issues with. The other thing is that she blames herself and doesn't want to be confronted with some things, so its easier to take them out on you then to face up to them herself.

 

What you need to do is to just have an honest conversation with her, explaining your feelings. Say that you are interested and really like her. But also say, politely, that her actions confuse you and you want to talk about them.

[_Tiki_]

Hmm this is strange. Maybe she's paranoid? and she's reading things the wrong way. She might be really shy and has a defensive side, she might not want to get hurt so she might be pushing you away so she doesn't fall for you and break her heart.

 

Try doing nothing for awhile and see if she starts to chase you or grab your attention. She might just be scared of a starting a relashionship.

 

Or try telling her how you feel, do it online if you feel too shy to do it face to face and give her time to think about it. Tell her to think about it and take as long as she wants. That way she knows where she stands with you and if shes unsure she has plenty of time to think it through.

 

Good luck!

[SchismOfTheHeart]

Thanks for your help guys. I think, after reading the comments, I am going to wait a bit and see if she starts to talk to me or something along those lines, and if she doesn't, i'll talk to her and ask her why she is acting this way (politely).

Thanks again.

[Dating Coach]

Way too many mind games... but I think I can figure it out for you.

 

First off, when you said that you asked around and people told you that she was shy, you appear to have taken the stance that she needs your coaxing and your help to open up. She doesn't need anything from you, she isn't handicapped.

Second, if she was really interested in you then she would down with you, not throwing notes back at you refusing to read them. She would be DYING to read them. I don't think she is interested in you at all. These would be some very odd behaviors from someone who had a romantic interest in you.

Thirdly, talking over IM, email, notes, etc is a friend activity. If you are having the majority of your interaction with her over these routes then you are just walking yourself right into the friendzone, and that's only if she isn't seriously getting sick of you.

 

If you are truly interested in her and you want her answer, then ask her out on a date. Can't you do that? Sure there might be butterflies and nervousness involved, even experienced people still feel that, but IMO you should get on the ball and quit farting around. If you are interested in her then ask her out and get her answer. If she agrees to the specific date and time you set up then she is golden, but if she gives you any other response unless it is simply to reschedule, then she is not interested.

 

For more in depth help, you can read some articles at which will help you identify some problems and avoid them.