I think I'm a selfish "B"

[SeaBisquit]

I think it must be me that has the problem or I am the one that has all the issues. I can never get a guy to commit or even spend any quality time with me. The last guy I had a relationship with spent all his free tima on the computer and maybe said about ten words to me in a day. I would ask him if we could go out and do something and he would always reply that he didn't feel like it. And the guy before that compared me to his ex and called me alot of names. It must be me not them becuase they think there perfect.

[becallamjr]

Sounds like you have been dating some real a-holes.

[kellbell]

Hi SeaB,

 

I have dated some real winners through-out life and unfortunately, there a lot of duds in this world. From what I have learned, you really have to sit down and figure out what you want out of a partner and from a relationship. Really examine what you "expect", what you will put up with and not put up with. Also define your boundries and stick to them. For example, you meet a really nice looking guy and he had all the features you like and attracted to and say he drinks too much or smokes and those are qualities you don't like in a man...don't go out with him. Move on. Thanks but no thanks kind of thing. Don't go out with men simply because they show an interest in you. Really stick to your standards. I have been following your posts for quite some time and notice you settle. You always get what you settle for. Stop settling and make YOU a priority not the other way around.

 

Standards and boundries weed out the duds, keep you from getting hurt, and allows you spend time with someone whom you really connect with and come grow a healthy and meaningful relationship with. But I think it boils down to knowing YOURSELF first and being comfortable with you before you can really focus on getting into a serious relationship with anyone. And because you are young...you have plenty of time to date and have some fun. I wish all the best and take care.

[Hernj62]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Although I don't believe that there are enough perfectly honest and trustworthy men out there for all of us, there is def plenty that'll make your life worth while. Ditch the losers. And move on!

[RandomAdvisor]

Standards and boundries weed out the duds, keep you from getting hurt, and allows you spend time with someone whom you really connect with and come grow a healthy and meaningful relationship with. But I think it boils down to knowing YOURSELF first and being comfortable with you before you can really focus on getting into a serious relationship with anyone. And because you are young...you have plenty of time to date and have some fun. I wish all the best and take care.

 

 

I strongly agree with this. Great advice. When you set standards and goals for what you want in a partner before you actually meet them, it really helps to avoid the losers once you come accross them. Although it's unfortunate your previous relationships have turned out so badly, they weren't in vain. After having encountered what you don't want in a relationship, you can put that experience to use in avoiding future losers. The only caution that I have though, is don't set your standards too high.

[kellbell]

Yes, I agree with SomeGuy...don't raise the bar too high where it will be unrealistic and thereforeeee, can cause more harm than good. But raise the bar where you are comfortable with and have fun.

[Scout]

Well, it does sound like the guys you were dating were less than kind. But, if you truly suspect you have some negative tendencies that need to be worked on, don't be afraid to examine them. Personally, I know that I can get needy for too much attention in relationships. And I really hate that quality in me, because it just smacks of self-centeredness. It's no fun when you realize you have a characteristic you can't stand when you see it in others.

[Sunshine07]

Ok, wait a minute. They think they are perfect, and so you conclude the problem is with you? What about what you think? Why would you even want to be with men who behaved like that? You ask yourself what is wrong with yourself, when you should be saying to yourself, well, time to move on.

 

It sounds like you've got some issues with yourself if you automatically assume the problem is you.