Should I question my relationship with him

[littlegurlboo]

Hi,

my bf and I have been going out for nearly a year now and lately things seem different with him.

1. We had a discussion and he admited that he missed being able to flirt with other girls and that before we started going out he was always hanging out with sum girl. I kno that he checks out other girls and he admits that if we weren't going out that he'd hook up with sum girl he thought was hot. so now i'm paranoid about whether im pretty enough to keep him.

2. Lately he's been dropping hints about my weight, so i asked him straight up and his response was "well ya u r gaining some weight in your face and thighs." He also claimed that he wanted me to stay healthy. I was hurt but I asked him so I couldn't be mad at him for that.

3. He came to visit me at my dorm one day, and we had left my room to go out and eat. I closed my door and tried to hold his hand but he pulled away and just gave me his arm. I asked wut that was all about and he said holding hands with someone is a sign of weakness, and that he only did that at the beginning of our relationship i guess to "secure" things.

4. This literally just happened. Yesterday I asked him to come over on Friday (today) since we'd have my room to ourselves. He said that he couldn't he had work, which isn't a problem he typically works on Fridays. I talked to him earlier and he said he had to start work around 4 and before we hung up he said he'd call me in a bit. Well hours went by, and i figured he was at work and i didnt want to disturb him, but I was still curious. so i called, no answer. about 5 mins later he called me back and I asked wut he was doing? He said was just out having a smoke? and asked if he was at work and he said no, that his boss told him to come in at 9 instead. I asked him y he didnt call me and tell me and he said that he'd just picked up his shotgun (he bought a new shotgun he's into that type of thing) and wanted to show his grandpa which he ended up having dinner with. after he went back to his house and just played some video games.

 

and that's my story. so my question is, are these bad signs? Is he doing something behind my back? Thank you so much for anyone who responds it really means a lot to me.

[MetallicAguy]

Personally I think he's trying to avoid you. It's probably not the best thing to tell you this, but there's no other way to send my message accross, but I think he's losing interest in you. But, just to make sure, if you get anymore bad signs like this, it's probably best for yourself to just break up.

[second_opinion]

Ask him straight, "whats going on with us in the relationship" You cant guess what he is thinking and cant make excuses for his behaviour. Just ask him and from there you can decide what to do.

 

remember, not to change for anyone.

[blender]

littlegurlboo,

 

first off you don't have to ASK HIM to clarify the relationship, words are cheap, his actions speak volumes and it's not about YOU, or if you are "pretty enough", this guy sounds like a very immature jerk. I know, I know you have deep feelings for him, your even (very dangerous) wrapping your self worth into his opinion of you. His opinion of you is not even worthy of your thought. You are special and should ONLY be with someone who recognizes this... this is not about what HE wants, but about what YOU want. And I know if you were in a healthier state of mind YOU would not WANT someone who "acts" like he does.... the stuff he's says sounds like he could be a "borderline Personality", look this up on the web and read the "signs" and see how many he fits.. be honest and open when reading it, and really take an HONEST LOOK at this guys behavior..... He's not GOOD ENOUGH for YOU... I really believe this, You will only be treated poorly if YOU allow it. And you ARE allowing this to happen, don't let it happen, just start "no contact" and when he calls simply say, "I Have to much respect for myself to be with someone that doesn't make me a priority and it's not "okay" with me that you talk about wanting or wishing to flirt with other girls" He has NO CLASS.. walk away if you love yourself. I'm here if you need to vent...You can do this, this relationship is headed for more heartache, leave now with your head held high.

[miracle29]

Blender hit it on the head...you should not have to ask and plead for happiness in a relationship...take if from me...if he is rationing out affection now..just give it another year or two...then you'll be talking to him in a car and he'll be tuning you out like you don't exist.

 

I think this relationship has more then "should I trust him" issues. He sounds like a cocky jerk. He seems to think he's the "cats meow" and like he's doing you a favor being with you. Him telling you "if i wasnt with you..i'd do ...." Come on, how is that helping the relationship...what man in their right mind would ever tell someone they loved and planned on making a serious future with....this type of B.S?

 

You need to give this guy a reality check. If I was you..i'd pull back A whole lot and i'd actually stop trying so hard to be affectionate with him. I'd be more quiet and more into my own thoughts. If he asks whats wrong..give him no info..let him figure it out.

His playing the ol.."sign of weekness" when its something that he did from the start is an insult to your intellegence. He actually thought you were stupid enough to believe that crock of pooh.

 

So the question isnt "am i pretty enough to keep him?" the new question is "am i willing to settle for this cocky jerk? Or will I smell the coffee and get out before i end up pregnant with his kid and stuck for life?. I've said it once and i'll say it again.. "If you come to the cross road in a relationship where you have two choices "My Dignity" "My Lover" always prioritize your dignity above all else. You can't expect someone to respect you and treat you right...if you still reward them when they treat you like a charity case!