My New Issue

[Diggitydave]

I started to feel bad today. I have been sitting around, feeling so badly. What if my ex (who pretty much broke it off with me) feels horribly too? What if she is hurting? I feel so selfish.

[brahman]

if she broke it off there it is unlikely she still likes you, but there are always those weird situations.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

She may be hurting. Why do you feel selfish? She is the one whom broke it off. I know how easy it is to get caught up in how your ex is feeling at the moment but you can't torture yourself like this. Time to only care about you now...easier said than done...but it is for your own good. Hang in there. (((hugs)))

[Dako]

Dave, you say you're sitting around. That's not good for you. Get up and move around.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Dave I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I agree that maybe you should try things that take your mind of it and her. Get up, get out, do some stuff.

 

As for feeling selfish, I tihnk it is the sign of a truly nice and good person that you are worried about someone else and don't want to be selfish. But being selfish sometimes is not only a good thing but very needed. Take this time to think about yourself and be a little selfish.

[Diggitydave]

Maybe my heart is playing tricks on me. I just feel like, i've been sayin all this time how bad i'm hurting, but what if she is too and i don't even call to see if she's ok. MAYBE i'm still condemning myself and my heart is figuring out ways to reach in take steps backwards. WOW i've become neurotic. I feel like some good shock therapy or a baseball bat to my head might fix things sometimes (that was a joke).

 

 

Dave

[Dako]

I know the feeling of concern for your ex's recovery or welfare. Its had to stop those habits, but it's best to avoid it. It'll be clear in the future.

Go for a walk or something.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I think everything you're experiencing is perfectly normal, not neurotic.

 

Keep up the NC. Don't call her, even to see how she's doing. Wanting to is normal, doing so will not be viewed as such and it WILL be a step backward.

 

And stay away from baseball bats, fields and electricity.......

[NJRon]

Yeah, making up excuses to contact your ex is pretty common. Especially guilting yourself into it.

 

Let go of the guilt. It's not your problem.

 

P.S. I found that a baseball bat *does* help in the short term. However, I usually used it on a pillow.

[thorak]

if she broke it off there it is unlikely she still likes you, but there are always those weird situations.

 

im one of those 'weird' situations... I broke it off with my fiancee after 8 yrs - now i regret it after reflection... she has gone complete NC on me for 3 months now... but this isnt my story

[Diggitydave]

another emotional rollercoaster!

[keenan]

Hold onto the shoulder bars. Don't call--if she's hurting so much that she can't stand it, she'll call you. Is your phone ringing? Nope.

[Dako]

When it's on an upswing, enjoy it as much as you can.

[Diggitydave]

Where o where have you gone my friend, where o where can you be

I can see you far away and when I get a glimpse of your light

it's true, it's pure it's holy and i can smile for about 5 minutes. Please come closer and help me get up in the morning, help me be free . Let me speak and take this cup from me.

 

 

Don't even ask...

[NJRon]

Ummm... Dave? It's Ron... you ok? How many fingers am I holding up?

[Diggitydave]

I know this goes off topic a bit but i have to ask. Why do we put our ex's on pedestals? Especially the ones that broke our hearts, why? Ok so we did stuff wrong, so did they. Why when they break up with us do we make them God. God is god, not our ex's. It's so weird though, i said to my friend, if you could have Brad pitt or your ex who treated you like a dog and walked all over you, and she said "my ex". I feel the same way, if the perfect woman for me walked through the door and said, "IM HERE!" At this stage i'd be like, nope, i want my ex. I understand we've acquired attchments to them, but like, even the stories I see on here of ex's who abused and destroyed their self worth are put on pedestals as almighty. What happens within us that causes this. Why are we SOOOO blind? Why do we think our ex's are the reason for life and the end all be all of our existence?

 

Is that just Love? Low Self esteem? Confusion? It makes me kind of angry because I do it too. My ex and I broke up on relatively good terms but after that EMOTIONS flew and it hurts me like crazy! Why do I still put her on this pedestal?

[NJRon]

It's called denial...

[Dako]

If you're recovery mirrors mine, that goddess's pedestal is lowering as we speak. Soon she's just be another flawed human.

 

 

Now I just miss my dog.

[Diggitydave]

Earth to David, WAKE UP!

[keenan]

If you're recovery mirrors mine, that goddess's pedestal is lowering as we speak. Soon she's just be another flawed human.

 

 

Now I just miss my dog.

 

But his dog's pedestal is really, really high!

[keenan]

Earth to David, WAKE UP!

 

Dave, you ok? Have you been outside today, have you talked to people?

[Diggitydave]

Like, even the posts on here, letting some feelings out, is stretching it for me. Thats why it's a lot of little ones. The earth to dave thing was me trying to write to myself to say snap out of it lol...but i can't.

[deejay74]

dave, we're here to hear you. post all you want, it's not healthy to keep those emotions inside. don't worry about being a "man" about things. men have feelings too.

 

please, post away, get your feelings out, talk about what's bothering you.

[keenan]

This is the place to vent. We're all here because we felt lonely, sad, angry, depressed, and confused and were looking for something--some bit of wisdom-- to help us through. We did a Google search, found a compelling post, kept reading, and got hooked on getting and giving feedback. Needing to vent doesn't make you weak, and it doesn't make you a moaning, complaining wimp. Needing to vent means you're a strong, healthy guy with real emotions. Venting here means you're taking action, getting the poison out, and getting some perspective. It's very normal to feel what you're feeling, and I admire you for being so frank and open. Your posts undoubtedly serve as comfort and inspiration to lots of people who are reading and lurking, too shy to post their own stories. We're all here together, buddy--in the hard times and in the better times.

[Dako]

Dave,

In the past month I've posted a number of really embarrassing things when I feel like crap. It helped to vent, and better yet, I got some help.

Why shouldn't you vent? We all need it.