stupid guy problems.

[cryxforxhelp]

alright, soo i wrote in here before. about my guy troubles. and well its still going on. well a couple of weeks ago i was at the bowling ally with him and a couple of friends and i took him aside and im likie " either you like me or you dont. im sick of playing your game so you better make up your mind".. his response of course was i dont know. soooo a week later i called him and im like did you make up your mind yet? and hesl ike i havent had time to think about it.. and im like well you've had freakin six months.. and hes like well since your pushing it fine i dont like you... welll then a week later. i went to a party at his house... and he was all over me and we ended up having sex again. (i took his virginity awhile ago) and i really dont know what to do. i mean i know know know he likes me... i just have a feeling hes scared. so i was thinking maybe i should ask him out?.. that way im not waiting forever like i already have... err i really dont know.

[Ash]

Waiting forever? Based on your age ... It just SEEMS like forever, right?

 

Anyway ...

 

Perhaps he's playing hard to get? Although in some ways you've already got him. It does sound like he doesn't want to get too serious and from that standpoint I'd say if you really want a serious bf, perhaps it's time to let go of this one.

 

On the other hand, you're young and this is the time of life you can do this kind of thing. Once you get older and settle down, things have to be considered permanent.

 

And I'd have to think if you've already has sex a few times, in essense you're already going out together. If not, then I wouldn't want to assume he's being monogamous.

 

Whatever the case, maybe time for a bit more serious thought then. If you want to know for sure then maybe you should ask him out. I don't see any reason why not to. Ask him, then you'll know if there is genuine interest in something more permanent. Right now the two of you are essentially (very) heavily flirting. Somebody should take it to the next level and it sounds like that's going to be you.

 

Good luck.

[Arrowsmith]

This guys sounds like bad news. I'm afraid in this case "I don't know" means "no". I mean, I'm sure that he likes you - I mean he hooked up with you at the party, right? But that doens't mean that he wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Just my 2 cents. You should get some other people's advice too.

[NJRon]

Just because he was all over you and had sex, doesn't mean he likes you... could have just meant he was horny and knew he could get it from you.

 

I he said no... he means no.

[smallworld]

Cryxforxhelp, six months is a long time to play "hard to get." Think about it this way, when you really like someone, how long does it take you to figure that out? And isn't it almost impossible for you not to express it?

 

I believe in second chances, giving others the benefit of the doubt, talking things through, and being sensitive to one another's feelings, but at the end of the day you have to look at the bottom line. Is he making any effort to pursue a relationship with you that does NOT involve sex???

 

It's apparent this guy has no motivation to go for something deeper and more meaningful with you because he knows that you like him a lot and will have sex with him whenever he asks. As long as you let him use you, he'll keep doing so.

 

It's never too late to love and respect yourself enough to walk away from an unhealthy situation. But you don't have to listen to me or anyone else... What does your gut tell you?

[cryxforxhelp]

i dont know. i mean i really think i should just like end things. but i have plenty of times. i've always told him we're done with the whole thing.. but he always comes back to me sayin sorry and like being a sweetheart. just doing everything in his power to make me happy. but then when i ask for a commitment (not really a commitment.. i just want him to tell me he likes me... )he freaks out and gets scared.. then it just keeps happening over and over. and i dunno i've never really asked him out.. i really dont know what to do in this situation its so confusing.

[Ash]

It is rather sounding like he wants to keep you at a certain distance. Close enough that he can have what he needs when he needs it but no so close that he's committed.

 

Are you dead sure he's not playing you? Is he treating other women the same way at the same time?

 

You're stuck wanting to be closer and he's apparently got the situation the way he feels he wants it.

 

If you can't get a commitment from him, you could try no contact. Let him know it's over and don't talk / email / write / phone or anything for a least couple of weeks and then see happens. It's a big step, but you'll likely know one way or another. If he's serious about you, he'll straighten up, think about things, and make an honest attempt to understand what you need. If he drifts away ... well then it was never meant to be.

[cryxforxhelp]

the thing is with the other women... i was the first he has been with. he was a virgin when i met him. and he never had a girlfriend before i met him. or anything for that matter. and i have a feeling he's not playing because im really good friends with all his guy friends. and his guy friends all told him if he was going to keep playing me and everything they were going to drop him. cuz they dont like when women get treated that way. and i mean if he really didnt like me wouldnt he drop me so his friends wouldnt drop him and beat him up? im not sure. maybe he is just using me. i get that a lot from guys cuz im so forgiving and i always take them back.

[Ash]

Do you think he's ready to settle into a more committed relationship? He may simply not be at that point in his life. You seem to be, perhaps he hasn't reached the same point. He likely is confused about it.

 

It's good his friends won't let him step out of line. That's positive reinforcement for him. Likely in his friends' eyes you two are going out. You seem very close to that other than some commitment from him.

 

Not sure what else to suggest, other than keep talking, keep thinking to see what else there is to your relationship. When you do talk to him, try to put things in as calm and not threatening, non pushing way as possible. Try and draw out his feelings gradually. It can be scary to face what you feel inside.

 

One thing I'm not clear on, how often are/have you been having sex with him? If it's an ongoing, usual occurrence then it's rapidly becoming an issue. However that is up to you and him if you want to continue that way. If it's very rarely then perhaps it's not something he's actually expecting and you are falling into bed together under somewhat unusual circumstances. That can be the way the world works these days for some people. Perhaps what I'm saying is don't give yourself away (ugh, perhaps a horrible expression) too easily because you think it will draw him closer because it likely won't. You need to solve the you/him issue of commitment without involving sex in the equation. I'd have to suggest avoiding sex again until you've worked things out.