So a cute stranger stares at you.. what next??

[KIDD]

LOL!! I was just curious, do any of you have these instances where you go out with friends & you just happened to see someone staring at you? I usually take it that the guy is interested or am I wrong? Ok I live in Atlanta Georgia & you can usually take the bus & the train to different parts. Anyhoo, one of my friends called & asked if I wanted to go to this mall somewhere a little out of our area today. I said sure why not, since it's been awhile since I really talked with any of my friends I decided to go. I was bored also.

 

Anyway, we met at the train station & we decided to hop on the train to take us to the city area where the mall is.So we're just sitting, laughing & talking & this guy seemed to be staring at me. He was cute,appeared to be my age or a little older or younger, appeared to be straight.Didn't give any indications that he was gay or bi except for the staring. I was talking & making jokes & I eventually got uncomfortable because his eyes were just fixated on me for the whole ride. So eventually my friend & I got quiet & I glanced at his area to see if he was still looking. We locked eye contact for about 10 seconds & he started to smile which I thought was really cute! His face seemed to tense up like he was trying to hide the smile & he seemed to ignore me staring at him.He started looking out of the window with a serious face. I couldn't just go up & talk to him because my friend was there! DANG!!!](*,)

 

Basically his stop came & when he got up, He glanced at me one more time as if to say, this is your last chance. I was too scared to say anything so I just let him go like the others in the past lol! I said to myself.. Not again!! You let this guy go! I was thinking about that all day. He could have turned out to be someone cool but now I'll never know!

 

Do you think the guy could have been interested? Also what do you do in situations like that? I think if my friend didn't come along, I may have had the guts to sit & talk with him. Perhaps sharing cell phone numbers even.Also it's like what can I say to him lol? Hey I couldn't help but to notice you staring at me lol?? I mean seriously...

[PocoDiablo]

Yeah, he was *totally* interested and *totally* lacking confidence. He should have said Hi at least, or walked over and introduced himself.

 

Of course, being in a group of friends makes it difficult for some guys to approach, so you could have gotten up and gone to the other side of the train to pretend to look out the window at something, and then said hi to him.

 

Normally guys are supposed to initiate things, but sometimes women have to make it a little easier...

[FoxLocke]

If your friend had not been there he would have approached you, no doubt about it!

 

I have had those moments too and I keep wondering whether or not I should have just gone up and said something!

 

Well, maybe fate will allow the two of you to run into each other again.

[KIDD]

Well, maybe fate will allow the two of you to run into each other again.

 

I hope so, maybe I need to start taking the train everyday around the same time to see if he'll be there or not. LOL, just joking.. I'm not going to waste my time & money doing something crazy like that lol.

 

The one day I should have been out by myself ugh. Well I'm pretty sure they'll be more opportunities & when the time comes. I will not chicken out of it. What are some things you would say to someone of the same sex?

[PocoDiablo]

I hope so, maybe I need to start taking the train everyday around the same time to see if he'll be there or not.

Not everyday, next week the same day. And it's not crazy, because next time you see him you can go "Hey, I know you. I saw you last week." Boom. Instant connection.

 

What are some things you would say to someone of the same sex?

Hello, I see you're a female too, huh?

 

No, seriously, just say Hi and ask if they know of a cool place to get lunch, or a neat gift shop, or whatever.... take it from there.

[omgroman]

o.o, maybe that would work..i guess, but i always thought thakid was a guy, and saying that would make him look kinda crazy. Hi always works, or Hello, but you get the point.

[KIDD]

Oh yeah, for the people who don't know. I am a guy LOL! The avatar I had before was of a female R&B singer that I like. Everybody mistaked me for her & so I had to change my avatar to something more people know & recognised!

[KIDD]

You know I was thinking, the main problem I have is being shy! I always have people approach me instead of approaching them. It's just weird for me to come up to someone I don't know & start talking to them out of the blue.

[FoxLocke]

Kid I understand how you feel. Yesterday, there was this cute guy on campus who was looking at me. Of course I got really nervous and averted my eyes...UGH!

 

I just wish I had mental telepathy so that I can know for sure who is gay. And I would also use my power to turn people I'm attracted to gay...haha. No, I would never use my powers for personal gain...or would I? haha.

[Prufrock06]

You know I was thinking, the main problem I have is being shy! I always have people approach me instead of approaching them. It's just weird for me to come up to someone I don't know & start talking to them out of the blue.

 

 

I've got the same problem as you guys -- shyness is definitely something that stands in the way of trying to start conversations with people. I wish we could come up wiht a hybrid category combining the GLBT group and the Dating and Shy People group

 

But seriously: it's like you want so badly to talk to these people, you can even imagine yourself in your head doing it and everything turning out fine, but when it comes time to actually implementing those plans...you get tongue tied. I wanted so bad to strike up a conversation with this guy who sits next to me in my class, but I just became so speechless around him. And then the person sitting on the opposite side of him starts a conversation with him!!! ARRGGH!! And all it took to start the conversation was a simple, "I like your shirt" comment -- so, in essense, that's what I would recommend to you, ThaKid, next time you encounter this person on the bus. Just pay a small, harmless complement and maybe that will be your window into getting to know someone a little.

 

Making first moves is so stressful...and it shouldn't be. But why is it? I guess for me, it comes with the hesitancy of being "shot down," so to speak, of having mistranslated a simple look as an invitation for conversation. And then there's that age-old dilemma of what to say, how to introduce yourself, etc.

 

It boggles the mind...

[jaseo]

I'm afraid of walking up to a guy and saying a line then being punched in the face and called a fag. I've been thinking of getting an ear-ring in my right ear but afraid of being bashed. Acceptance is high these days but not 100% which really sucks.

We need another universally recognised gay-symbol. I can't "act" gay so thereforeeee I think other gay guys don't even know I'm there

[KIDD]

I'm afraid of walking up to a guy and saying a line then being punched in the face and called a fag. I've been thinking of getting an ear-ring in my right ear but afraid of being bashed. Acceptance is high these days but not 100% which really sucks.

We need another universally recognised gay-symbol. I can't "act" gay so thereforeeee I think other gay guys don't even know I'm there

 

I agree jaseo! Another problem is that I'm not noticeably gay. So the reason guys probably won't talk to me anyway is because I appear to be straight. But I'm not about to change who I am to get a guy to talk to me though but it's frustrating.

 

Then there's also the mind game which frustrates me. You get mixed signals from people who appear to like you but you're never 100% sure. I mean I shrug it off & I say to myself, that they're just being really nice.Are they staring at me because they're attracted to me or is it something else?

[FoxLocke]

I agree jaseo! Another problem is that I'm not noticeably gay. So the reason guys probably won't talk to me anyway is because I appear to be straight. But I'm not about to change who I am to get a guy to talk to me though but it's frustrating.

 

Then there's also the mind game which frustrates me. You get mixed signals from people who appear to like you but you're never 100% sure. I mean I shrug it off & I say to myself, that they're just being really nice.Are they staring at me because they're attracted to me or is it something else?

 

I wish there was another noticeable sign that gay men and women could wear just to be able to tell...But, like Jaseo said, it could lead to bashing.

Like you, Kidd, I am not overtly gay at all. People from where I'm from stereotype all gay men as being: frilly, effiminate(hand gestures and lisps), into shopping, doing hair, and dancing in clubs...But that isn't me at all. And I wonder am I being overlooked by potential gay dates because they don't know I'm gay. Grant it, if someone gets to know me in person and are perceptive they can tell I'm gay, and I make no secret about it with close friends...

And I'm also going through the whole "Mind game" with the guy that I like. Even though he is sexist I can tell its all a ruse. He is hiding behind his religion because he's insecure about his sexuality(and trust me, he's gay. He'll be eventually break the closet door off the hinges)...So there's all this chemistry and it has nowhere to go. I don't feel comfortable revealing my sexuality to him and he is uncomfortable with his.

To put it bluntly it sucks. I'd like to find a guy who's gay and accepting of it. I don't want to commit to a closeted person because chances are I'll end up getting my heart broken.

[Jinx]

I'm afraid of walking up to a guy and saying a line then being punched in the face and called a fag. I've been thinking of getting an ear-ring in my right ear but afraid of being bashed. Acceptance is high these days but not 100% which really sucks.

We need another universally recognised gay-symbol. I can't "act" gay so thereforeeee I think other gay guys don't even know I'm there

I had just read about the ear ring and struck me, again, must be a geographical gay/lesbian difference. More than half the guys here have earrings, its so common no one even uses it for a gay sign. Whereas, I presume where you are an earring is a given symbol? Just found it extremely interesting.

 

You know, the only things I've seen for gay symbols are (A) rainbow yourself up (B) fulfill a stereotype or © get a tattoo somewhere that is universally gay. Unfortunately, from the tattoos or body ornaments that I've seen used, there willl always be a straight group which just assumes its an "in" thing and eventually it loses its purpose all together.

 

Unless we take the cartoon approach and put a big glowing neon sign with an arrow pointing down to us screaming "I'm here and I'm * * * * *." its always questionable, and more so like was mentioned, in holding your orientation out on your sleeve so to speak the possibility for hate crimes and other unpleasant possibilities rises dramatically.

 

You get mixed signals from people who appear to like you but you're never 100% sure. I mean I shrug it off & I say to myself, that they're just being really nice.Are they staring at me because they're attracted to me or is it something else?

Have to always wonder about the - Is it love or is it lint - When people give that second look over. I too have to agree here than one of the worst things about being within the GLB grouping, you get mixed signals for a variety of reasons from both ends of the spectrum - True interest or Overanalyzing a plantonic situation.

 

I've been in the mixed signals scenario since coming out now, it makes my head spin and from my personal view it isn't without reason, I see a lot of attractive women out there but I just don't out of the clear blue say, "Well, I'm bored, you're my target of my infatuation for the next month or so." And after one woman for sure and another in question that previously "bleeped" my gaydar came out awhile later, wellll, I can't be too sure now that these women are even telling me the truth despite they act as though the worship the ground men walk on. This is one reason I just cannot finely tune my GayDar into a more appropriately named LesDar because Lesbians here are just not honest. Period. Unless they have already taken it upon themselves to come out.

 

One reason I don't think I will have a long term lesbian relationship until awhile down the road, because these women I guess, just need to live out their want-to-be-straight-I'm-in-denial-of-the-obvious phase and then they're ready to come out and have little to hide about themselves because they've been there done that heterosexual attempt.

 

People from where I'm from stereotype all gay men as being: frilly, effiminate(hand gestures and lisps), into shopping, doing hair, and dancing in clubs...But that isn't me at all. And I wonder am I being overlooked by potential gay dates because they don't know I'm gay. Grant it, if someone gets to know me in person and are perceptive they can tell I'm gay, and I make no secret about it with close friends...

These stereotypes seem to be the enemies. Like you've mentioned its bad because everyone seems to picture the gay man with feminine characteristics in his manner and personality, whereas lesbians are considered to have extremely masculine characteristics in the same departments. If you have those characteristics, then you'll get the second look, if not, well unless you have some major vibes going outside of that its near impossible it seems.

 

I've only met one person who seemed to know I was a lesbian from the get go and that was a gay male acquaintance of mine. Of course he was blunt and just blurted it out first meeting, guess in his mind, nothing to hide and no shame so get over that ramp and move onward. Eventually before I came out my other gay friends kind of "got a hint" but weren't sure until I just told them. "I'm gay, pass the chips" nonchalant bit of conversation covered it.

 

At least I've not had anyone argue with me about being a lesbian, but all in all, when we don't fit an image, we don't seem to quite qualify and makes life that much harder. Male and female sides have their own unique problems.

 

There is a deal men in the US that are hyper-masculine, I'm stating that in the way of they preach their manhood like a religion and have an extreme "Gay is bad, very very bad" mentality so that when the gay man wants to approach someone in question that is masculine looking, they don't know whether they'll get interest or a black eye. My best friend who is gay, he is extremely masculine and there is more than once that people have questioned the validity of his coming out, "How can he be gay?" attitude and makes it difficult when approaching other men who are obviously gay. Suppose they don't know whether to prepare for him to be homophobic and attack or flirt with them. Which is not good overall for any gay men.

 

On the female half we have an entirely different problem, women are so open and flirty, touchy feely with each other as it is, well gee, how do you tell if they're just being friendly or interested other than bluntness or subtle comments/cues? Before the straight women I know went into their little fear phase of me, they'd cuddle, hug, kiss, act flirty, speak things that if it wasn't for the fact they had boyfriends or coo about men they love all the while, you'd wonder. Nonetheless, not even stereotypes are a sure fire method with women as they are with men who are extremely feminine. I've more than once seen the extreme tomboy with the hair, the attitude, the clothing, everything you'd picture as the stereotype lesbian then she'll later be hand in hand with a boyfriend and consider herself Bisexual at best.

[KIDD]

On the earring thing Jinx, yeah! There's a straight ear & a gay ear here too lol. If it's pierced in the left ear, you're straight. But if it's pierced in the right ear, it's saying that you are gay. Both ears pierced means straight also I believe lol. I think it's funny but I might consider having only my right ear pierced. I have my left ear pierced but I'm not brave enough to get the right one pierced yet. Maybe it'll help me catch a date..

 

Something interesting I've noticed, a month ago I bought a jacket I thought was hot. Some of my friends think it's cool but they said it looks a little gay. Mainly because it has this fur on the hood part of the jacket & they think it's a little femenine but in all they said it's cool. I also got a bigger ear ring for my left ear & a chain. Now everyone wants to call me a pretty boy which annoys me. Usually people in my area associate pretty boys as being gay sometimes. I think perhaps this is helping me, As tonight I went out with friends & yet again, another guy gave me the infamous stare. I really couldn't say anything to him because the guy looked like he was with his mother lol. It was funny because our eyes kept darting back & forth to each other.

 

Then yesterday it appeared that my barber was flirting with me, but then again I don't know lol.I came in there with the same jacket & the ear ring & the chain. He asked me who was I trying to look good for? I laughed and said nobody. He then replied I know you must have a girlfriend or something. I said no & he gave me a look.He cut my hair & when he finished, he asked me if I wanted something from the store next door & he'd get it for me for free. I said that I was fine. He smiled & he told me to take care of myself. Maybe he was being friendly I don't know. He's cute, a couple of years older than me but I would date him lol. One can dream! Maybe I'm Overanalyzing a plantonic situation like Jinx mentioned.

 

I think it's the jacket which is fine by me. I remember wearing the same fur jacket when I was playing the staring game with the guy on the train. Maybe this jacket is my gay sign. Next guy that stares.. I am definitely taking a risk! It wouldn't hurt to give a little sign that you're gay I guess... Maybe I'll be bold enough to even get my right ear pierced. Sort of a quiet way of coming out of the closet. I wonder if my friends would notice?

 

I just keep wondering to myself, am I making something out of nothing?Sheesh this confuses me!

[Jinx]

Learn something new everyday, I never knew about the earring "code". I had just seen guys wearing, one earring or two on such a regular basis that I thought it was just an "in" thing that really had lost its symbolism. Now I have to go out and observe this, see how many guys have one (left), one (right) or both pierced. I just assumed by the way people talk around here that it used to be that any guy with piercings was gay then it became a fad and meant nothing. Most interesting.

 

By the sounds the fur jacket may just be a "jackpot" item. It surely is getting people to think, to have those many looks. Pretty Boy isn't necessarily a nice term, but it does as you mentioned have its positives. People I presume wonder at that point whether you're gay or metrosexual with the look of everything.

 

The barber sounds like an interesting fellow, sounds like you earned a positive potentially curious/interested response from him. Not trying to be stereotypical as that isn't fair to the straight group, but I've seen a deal of gay Barbers/Cosmetologists over the years. So there is a decent chance, depending how often you get your hair cut (regular customer or here and there) you can always try to strike up a conversation with him regarding the same kind of "girlfriend or single" topic in some manner. That may reveal a deal of information if he is open and honest about it. Be quite helpful.

 

Next guy that stares.. I am definitely taking a risk! It wouldn't hurt to give a little sign that you're gay I guess... Maybe I'll be bold enough to even get my right ear pierced. Sort of a quiet way of coming out of the closet. I wonder if my friends would notice?

It seems like it would be worth it, maybe just greeting him or acknowledging that he is looking at you with strong eye contact. When I have women that have the double take for whatever reason or happen to be looking at them I'll acknowledge it, often if the situation is all right I will get up and greet them with casual conversation about whatever seems applicable. I don't expect anything major, even though I've not found anyone of extreme interest or is lesbian to my knowledge, my network of acquaintances was created in this fashion. Just letting yourself be known as the social open guy that isn't bothered by such will be good.

 

The earring seems like it would be a good idea. Have both ears pierced, wear both, then gradually break off to wearing only the right one. I guess it really depends on your friends and how observant they are. For myself, anytime my female friends get another piercing, aren't wearing an earring they usually do, or something I do notice and comment about how it looks but not everyone pays that much attention, or maybe wearing the right earring when you're out? I think having a combination of the jacket and right earring may just send out enough signals that gay men might be a tad more brazen about approaching you or at least striking up platonic conversations.

[Prufrock06]

I just keep wondering to myself, am I making something out of nothing?Sheesh this confuses me!

 

Here I think you've hit the proverbial jackpot in regards to this issue of looks, Thakid! What's so treacherous about this kind of territory is that it's so much easier to just not do anything if someone stares at you because you don't want to get your hopes up. If someone looks at you, you approach them and are subsequently shot down, it makes for a painfully humiliation, and self-esteem-debilitating, experience... Better to just avoid the public embarrassment and revel in daydreams, where things work out perfectly. Sigh...I should become a professional daydreamer, LOL

 

That being said, maybe it's possible to get others who you find looking at you to come to you -- and the only way to do this is through exhibiting a kind of charming self-confidence and assuredness, some sign to show how friendly and, most importantly, APPROACHABLE you are. Sometimes when I see someone staring at me, I'm too nervous to approach them, but I do try and get them to approach me by maybe looking away out the bus window with a smile on my face and then turning back every now and then to see if they're looking at me, tapping my shoes on the ground or my hands on the seat in front of me, trying to animate my face so that I appear friendly and approachable, etc. etc. Not too sure how well it's worked for me, but it might be something worth trying if you find yourself too shy to approach someone -- which, don't get me wrong, I completely understand and sympathize with!!