Please help me

[LEFEM24]

Hi I am new to the forum I hope I can get some advice.

 

I am in love with someone who I have been with off and on with for about 3 years. He is twice divorced, but that does not bother me. I realize everyone has a past, and also that some people are simply not "marriage material". I don't want to marry this guy. I truly think he has been jaded in the past...and me pressuring him is the last thing I want to do.

 

The thing is this.....I KNOW he cares about me. The sex is awesome...butI know this relationship is extremely lopsided...on MY part. He knows I love him. I have told him this. The funny thing is...when he thinks I might walk away for good..he acts MUCH more interested, and like he might even love me. I have NEVER been strong enough to go "No Contact" with him. I think he takes my love for granted..UNTIL he thinks I am serious about giving up.

 

I love this man...with my whole being....but the truth is..I am on the fence at this point. I am tired of this game. I want him to be with me..or let me go.

 

Is someone on the "fence" like this , someone that NC will be effective with??

I am ready to take that "challenge' to either move on..or see if he is truly scared of losing me for good.

 

I will have a good head start. He is going out of town till next week...I called and told him I want him to think about what we have discussed. he said he does not know what will happen at this point. I have been crying so much.

 

I just need guidance on what to do....or NOT do when he returns.

Thank you so much.

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

I was in a somewhat similar situation up until a week or so ago. My ex and I were on and off for about a year. Just like you said, everytime I contemplated leaving, he would sense this and act more interested and do sweet things. Then it would go back to him being the same old s^%head I'd come to love lol. I finally gave up, I couldn't take the games anymore. If I stayed any longer, I would get hurt. I just changed my phone number and I haven't looked back. Yea I miss him, and it hurts, but it's not worth it. I'm happier without him.

[sweetheart230]

I had the same thing. On and off for over a year. He was bad news, I was young and stupid. When I stood up for myself and told him I didn't want him in my life anymore at all, he started telling me how meaningful I was to him and that he would do his best to change and it would be different.

 

I believed it a few times. It was never different, he didn't even try to change and while I may have been meaningful to him, he couldn't show it and I deserve someone who makes me feel special. It's not worth it. I still think about him, miss him and his damn kisses and just hanging out in bed with him but I'm starting to miss him less and less. I'm feeling better now, and realizing that there are tons of other guys out there.

 

He's not worth it if you're giving more than he is. My ex promised me the sun moon and stars for another chance, but I realized at one point that if he really loved me that much, I wouldn't have to leave him fo rhim to realize I was special.

 

You deserve more. There's much better out there for you.

[bcuzitwasfun]

Sounds to me that you want a break, and there is nothing wrong with that. It seems that you have thought and are thinking about the good vs. bad things that have gone on in your relationship.

 

One thing I think is important to remember, you asking for the break will make you the dumper, and again I don't think there is anything wrong with that if it is done cleanly, quickly and with respect. Should you use NC? I think so so that you can have some real time to yourself and figure out things. Also, you don't give the impression of stringing him along while in NC. This will also give him time to figure out things as well.

 

Good Luck

bcuzitwasfun

[BONO]

I agree.

 

This situation is one sided - right now.

 

Option One

 

Do what I did intially. Hope and pray that they would come round. Pour more love and attention on them and blame the current situation on external factors such as stress etc. When actually these were fundamental "signals" which I ignored that resulted on me being dumped. Not good.

 

OptionTwo

 

YOU draw a line under this now. Take a break ( not a couple of days but a month + ) Go into NC or LC - but let them initiate the contact. Review in a month.

 

Scruff