Confused: Turned on by best friend

[floridachick]

Hello friends

I posted a while back that I would be getting married, but since then my life has taken a drastic turn. I broke up with my fiance because I wasn't in love with him like I thought I was, and to marry him would have been wrong. I turned to my best friend for support, and she was there for me whenever I needed her. We've been best friends since high school and now we're seniors in college. We've always been very close physically, but not in any sort of sexual way. Up until this point I have thought of myself as a straight woman, but I'm just not sure any more.

 

Last week I was in her dorm room and we were laughing and having a great time just hanging out. I had a camera with me so i sat on her lap to take a picture of us. I just stayed sitting there after I took the picture and we continued talking. She offered to give me a shoulder massage while I sat there so I said sure. She started to rub my shoulders, then a little lower on my back, and then a little lower. Then she rubbed my back underneath my shirt. She started coming up closer to my bra, and then her hands were underneath my brastraps. She was fondling my breasts and I didn't want to stop her. She did this for a few minutes and I couldn't bear it anymore. I grabbed her hand and put it down the front of my pants. She didn't disappoint me. She knew exactly what I wanted, where I wanted it. I never had a more powerful orgasm. I turned around so I was straddling her and we made out and touched each other for the next half hour. We had just gotten off of each other when her roommate came in and I left.

 

We really havn't gotten a chance to privatly talk to each other and figure out what happened. I don't even know what happened. Like I said, I've always considered myself a straight woman until this. But I get so wet every time I see her. My fiance never evoked these kind of emotions in me. Does this make me a lesbian, or bi? Please advise, any and all comments would be appreciated.

[newts]

I would have to say that there is a possibility you maybe a lesbian or maybe your fiance' just wasn't the right man for you. Sometimes when we are younger we will experiment. I say go with your feelings and if you are a lesbian well then just go for it. It is better to find out your sexuality now than have to have gotten married and found out ten years down the track.

[spaggle]

Hi, well non of us can tell you what you are for definate. But if you havent been attracted to women until now and uv never had these feelings when you were yonger, and you were happy withyour boyfriend/fiancee, then my guess is you're not 100 percent gay. I imagine you may be bi, or just simply confused after ur break up with ur fiancee. What I do suggest is that you pursue what happened with your best friend, only then will that help you understand who you are. May I also say how lucky you are that ur friend responded in that way and didnt give u a weird look......kinky.....lol

Peace out

Spaggle

[Cadence308]

Wow, your story made me wet! LOL I agree with other posters, we can't tell you what your sexuality is. That's for you to decide, but if your fiance or no other man has made you that wet and horny, it sounds like you are developing a thing for women and I wouldn't close yourself off to something so wonderful. Talk to your friend and see how she feels about you. Take time to explore and date around.

 

GL!

[FoxLocke]

LOL@Ballys! lol...

 

That was very...uhm...descriptive writing. lol...

 

Well, I can't be the judge of your sexual orientation but I would be inclined to believe that you are a lesbian...Or perhaps Bi. It could have been an issue of your ex-fiance not knowing what or how you wanted to be touched and etc...

 

Well, I hope you and your best friend get together. Judging from the story the two of you seem sexually compatible, atleast.

[novaseeker]

One sexual encounter (or even a series of sexual encounters) with someone of the same sex doesn't necessarily mean you are lesbian or even bisexual. It may, but it also may not.

 

Do you have romantic feelings for this person? Can you see yourself dating another woman like you would have dated a man in the past? Are you attracted (emotionally or physically) to other women (other than this person) at all?

[Cadence308]

LOL, thanks Foxlocke. Sometimes I am descriptive on this site. What can I say, haven't been turned on in a while. This thread gave me hope that there's a woman out there, yet, that can fulfill my wildest fantasies.

[floridachick]

Sorry if maybe it was a little too descriptive! I just never quite had those type of feelings before and they surprised me. But what really surprised me was how natural it felt to be touching her and kissing her. Everything seemed perfect and I loved every minute of it.

 

I talked to her today. I started out by walking into her room and kissing her. Not even saying anything at first. Just kissed her. I know it was kind of brave, but I've always been the go-getter type. But she kissed me right back. Then she smiled at me and held my hand the whole time we talked. She told me that she had been having feelings for me for a while now, since after I broke up with my fiancee. She never wanted to express them because she didn't want to ruin our friendship. I told her this is all new to me and I didn't know how to take it. But I told her what I felt like when I see her, and when we are together. Physically, I love her. I love being with her. But as far as emotionally, I can't tell if what I am feeling is real or just an urge to experiment something different than my fiancee.

 

Again, comments and suggestions are welcome. Thanks for the helpful posts already!

[Cadence308]

I say, "Go For It!" If this had been me and she had told me that, I would have seduced her. This sounds like the beginning of something new and exciting. Good for you for taking the initiative and just kissing her. I wish that I were that brave.

 

GL!

[becallamjr]

I say go with the flow, you may be bi or you might be a lesbian. I have a question though, do you still like penis? if so you are probably bi. Oh and your story got me very excited, wow! It has been my experience that all back rubs lead to something more.

[EnglishSilver]

Sorry if maybe it was a little too descriptive! I just never quite had those type of feelings before and they surprised me. But what really surprised me was how natural it felt to be touching her and kissing her. Everything seemed perfect and I loved every minute of it.

Having met quite a few lesbians who have only realised their orientation a bit later on (age range approx 20 - 40) this is very similar to what they say! you don't need a label unless you want one, enjoy these wonderful feelings! It's a bit of a surprise for you at the moment, time will tell you if you ever want to be with a man again. (Sometimes its hard to imagine not being with a man if you've spent your whole previous life thinking thats what you're supposed to do, but then after time spent with women you cant imagine going back to men as it just wouldn't feel right.) Your friend sounds wonderful! Good luck xx

[lovecrazy]

Having met quite a few lesbians who have only realised their orientation a bit later on (age range approx 20 - 40) this is very similar to what they say! you don't need a label unless you want one, enjoy these wonderful feelings! It's a bit of a surprise for you at the moment, time will tell you if you ever want to be with a man again. (Sometimes its hard to imagine not being with a man if you've spent your whole previous life thinking thats what you're supposed to do, but then after time spent with women you cant imagine going back to men as it just wouldn't feel right.) Your friend sounds wonderful! Good luck xx

 

 

you are very correct! You dont have to have a title!

 

have fun with her!

 

I have a best friend who is Bi-and married to a man! She and he best friend have done plenty of things together. and They are still very close!

 

I honestly would just hang out and see how it goes! No pressure! Enjoy each other!

[floridachick]

To update: Things have been going really well with my friend. I have to tell you, things are moving kinda fast though. We slept together last night. (Which I'm not complaining about! It was AMAZING!) I usually don't move this fast. I mean, I just discovered these feelings a little over a week ago and already I'm sleeping with a woman when I always thought I would be sleeping with men for the rest of my life. Does anyone think I'm moving too fast? Can anyone tell me if this is normal? Please don't anyone feel offended by this, but I've always been taught that homosexuality is wrong and not normal. But I feel like this is totally normal. I love being with this woman and she knows how to please me. However.................I don't like hiding from other people. We go to a small college that is considered Christian. If we were to go public with this, we might get "frowned upon" or worse, expelled. Please someone advise. I love the relationship I have but all of these feelings and "what if's" are coming at me all at once and I don't know what to do. Please tell me this is normal!

[cristalgold]

You're not hurting anyone, so I don't think there's a problem with it. The way I look at it, how can loving someone so much be "wrong." Others may think it's wrong, but that's subjective. Only you can live your life. Nobody else knows what it's like to be you.

 

I say if people have a problem with who you decide to lie down with, then it sucks for them. However, given your environment I understand why it's easier said than done. How many more years do you have left at school?

[floridachick]

You're right, it is easier said than done. I have two more semesters left and I don't know if I can go around hiding and being scared that someone will find out. I don't think I would be this scared if I wasn't here at this school. Since this is a small school, I'm very well known- I play sports, sing in the choir and small ensembles, and have leadership responsibilities. Can anyone tell me what they did when they first discovered these kinds of feelings? It might help to know that people have felt the way I do. Thank you!

[Cadence308]

I think I know how you are feeling. When I first realized that those feelings that I sometimes would get towards women meant that I was attracted to them as more than a friendly way, I was scared. I started reading about being lesbian online and at first I was in denial, but then I just started questioning myself. I never had boyfriends and only went out with a guy once or twice and I would always find something wrong with them and reason why I should not start something with them. There were women in my life that I became friends with that sometimes I would just get an urge to cuddle with them and want to be closer to them and think about them all of the time and would really want to make them happy. This is called a crush! LOL

 

I had moved to a new state when I started coming to terms with my sexuality. I really didn't know anyone really well who was gay, so I didn't have anyone to talk to. The first place I came to was this sight in Aug. 2004, after a few months of questioning.

 

A big reason that I was scared that people find out that I'm a lesbian was because my parents and a few of my friends had already begun to question me about my sexuality and a few of my friends would tease me about friendships with older women. So I was already self-conscious about it. I wasn't raised religious or necessarily taught that homosexuality was wrong, I just always thought that I would be with a man, even though I've never had sex with one. LOL I couldn't exactly picture myself with one even before I admitted my sexuality and attractions to myself.

 

Then as I started emailing with people on this site, I got more bold. I felt like I would explode if I didn't talk to someone about my feelings. So, I told a few of my friends who I know wouldn't judge me too harshly, as I knew these certain friends already had gay/lesbian friends. The ones I told told me that they were not surprised. There's many people that I haven't told because I don't have a girlfriend, so I don't feel like it's a pending matter.

 

I can't really tell you when you should let other people know that you and your friend are more than friends. That's for both of you to decide. However, it's probably best to keep this private at school for the most part. Religion frowns upon homosexuality. Talk to your friend and ask her where she sees this going. Maybe talk to a friend that you already have who you know has friends who are bi or gay. Those will be the best people to talk to right now.

 

GL!

[andsoitis]

I have had a similar experience. I like you, am a college student who had always considered myself straight. But last year, I began having romantic feelings for my best friend who happened to be a girl. I too go to a college that is considered Christian, and I play sports and am a rather social person who had a lot to lose, especially with my family and friends.

I ended up not denying my feelings and following what felt right, and entered a great dating relationship with this girl. Unfortunately, things didn't end up so well for various reasons, but I can give you some insight into how my life changed because of it.

In my experience, my friends were very receptive and supportive of me. They respected my decision, and even encouraged our relationship because they saw how happy she made me. We did decide to keep the relationship a secret, because we would have been kicked out of school if the administration found out. Anywho, my friends, whom we told, were amazingly supportive. My family was a different story. My mother and father both found out (by searching through my things during a short stay at their house), and they didn't take it too well. They suggested counciling and therapy to get me past my homosexual tendencies (which I said hell no to). Life with them was a * * * * * for a while. But now, they seem to have accepted the fact that I dated a girl. They don't talk about it, except for the occasional comment. But I still know they dissapprove.

So basically, its totally your decision. I wouldn't suggest fighting your feelings because if you feel strongly connected with her, you could end up in a great relationship. On the other hand, be prepared to encounter at least a few people who will disapprove.

If there's any other way I can help, let me know. And good luck!

[whatsgoingon]

First and foremost, I have to say I admire your courage to go with your feelings.

 

Although I completely understand that you have a whirlwind of feelings/emotions/questions/doubts.... ect. going through your head you should consider yourself EXTREMELY fortunate, because of your situation.

 

It is so special that your friend and you both feel the same and that it "just feels right". That is called real love and is the foundation of relationships that actually work.

 

I was and am, in almost the exact situation as you, but my story includes more twists and turns, pain, fights and that I went back to the guy 2 months ago.

 

I love him but am not in love with him. I swallow my pain and feelings everyday, while simultaneously try to forget about my best friend ( I moved to a different country for school, she and I no longer talk)

 

The past 9 months for me have been a fight with myself trying to figure out who i am, who i love and what's right and wrong.

 

So far I have only come up with one thing.

 

HAPPINESS IS RIGHT

 

You are obviously happy, I think you should live for yourself during this time in school. Tell people who you trust or if you're not ready don't tell anyone. Enjoy and live in the moment. Everything will fall into place when it needs to. It may be painful, frustrating. It has been for me. But don't deny what your heart wants. And remember love is love it doesn't look at color, race, gender...it just is. Haha when I take my own advice then I won't have to fake being happy everyday.

 

What you have is beautiful, don't take it for granted and don't waste the moment worrying about everything! This can be the most difficult and what I wasn't strong enough to follow through with, the worrying and questioning was what ultimately ruined everything for me, don't let it do the same to you!

[Tigris]

I'm 42, and have been married twice and always felt like something was wrong. I've recently slept with my Fiancee (1st woman) and it felt totally right. It's taken me 30 years to realise I'm a lesbian!

 

My advice to you is to enjoy yourselves and have fun. Just take each day at a time. Don't worry about whether you're bi or a lesbian just enjoy the relationships you have. And most of all be happy!

 

Good luck and take care.