I keep driving away the boy I love

[Angel Wolf]

I'm eighteen years old and I've been in love with my best friend's 21-year-old brother since April 2002. He and I are very good friends, although our interaction is only restricted to the Internet, as we do not live in a society where a boy and girl can go out or talk on the phone. The few times when we do talk face-to-face is when I am at my friend's house. Anyway, he has been in love with this other girl for 3 years, since long before he met me. For this reason, whenever he is affectionate towards me, I recoil as if he's trying to burn me or something. He loves and respects me and would never ever do anything to hurt me, and I know that, but whenever he sends me online hugs or calls me adorable or goes "Awwwww" at something I say, I just get all nasty. And I hurt him by saying things that I don't even mean. I get completely vicious and break his heart, but he has always been nothing but forgiving and loving. A while ago, he asked me why the hugging etc offends me. I told him I don't trust people who are too affectionate towards me. He said he understood and ever since then he hasn't shown me any of his old affection. In fact, he has become downright distant. I feel terrible. I want to tell him I didn't mean what I said, but I always say that and I just don't know if he'll believe me this time. The thing is, I love him very very much and would trust him with my life, but I just can't handle the fact that he doesn't like me back that way. And when he does show signs of feeling the same way, I think of the other girl he likes. It's just so complicated. He tries to figure me out, but he can't. Neither can I. Sometimes I think that maybe he DOES like me back but I keep driving him away with my psychotic, overemotional immaturity. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should tell him how I feel?

[XxDanxX]

You sound just like the girl I like...minus the not liking affection stuff. Here is what I think. You need to be yourself and tell him exactly how much you like him. Trust me. Guys hate mind games and hate things to be complicated. You can solve all of your problems by simply finding out exactly how he feels. And think of it this way: If he doesnt like you the way you want him to, at least you guys dont have to go on being miserable and you can know exactly how he feels. The girl I like does almost the same thing. Goes back and forth from liking me to trying to avoid me. All guys want is the answer. Skip the 20 question type crap and get straight to the point. Believe me, just go for it. You'd be surprised how much better it will make it. Good luck

 

o yeah: P.S. If you could write something in my post to help my problem (since you kinda share the same thought pattern as the girl I like...not really but hey, i need all the help I can get), that would be awesome.

[kddmsu]

I think that since this guy is in love with someone else, that you should stay clear of him. Think if you were the other girl and he was showing affections to someone else while the two of you were together. You need to respect that his is in a relationship with someone else and move away from the situation. This situation is full of complications!!!!

 

Say the 2 of you do get together, how can you be sure that he wouldn't...not cheat persay... but show his affections to someone else? Could you really fully trust him after that, because personally I think that he sounds a little either confused or shady? I think that you do push him away because you have a conscience and you know that when he shows you this affection, you feel guilty because you know he loves someone else.....either that or you are jealous.

 

I think if you continue to pursue this, nothing will come out of it but hurt and I can almost guarantee the person hurting is going to be you. Don't interfere with this relationship, maybe wait it out and see if he comes to you, but do not be the girl to break up a relationship. I mean you are only 18 years old, you have your whole life to live and you will probably go through a couple more heartbreaks in your life, but personally I don't think this guy is someone you want to waste your love on.

[Angel Wolf]

Oh but you see, that girl has never even liked him back... She's getting married to someone else...

And I know he's the one. It's him or nobody.

[kddmsu]

All I can say is....... you can't force/make someone love you. If he is in fact in love with this other girl then you are putting yourself in the postion of being hurt. And your attitude of "it's him or no one" is going to lead you down a lonely path in life. You are 18, you need to experiment and learn what makes you happy... and if you just pass off all other guys, realize you might be passing up mr. right for this guy who is in love with someone else.

[Angel Wolf]

But the girl is getting married. And if he loves me so much as a friend, isn't there a possibility that we could end up together?

As for experimenting, I don't believe in experimenting. Personally I don't like boys. Have always found them extremely annoying and silly. I never give them a second thought. But with this boy, it's a whole new ball game. I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and I love him very much. He's not an experiment. He's a part of me now and I just have to be with him.