Should I break it???

[gabodi]

Hi!

 

My ex and I broke up about 2 and a half months ago. She broke up with me. We work together, so I had to initiate LC. I did a great job of it for a while. At the beginning, she would call maybe once or twice a week. Then during the holidays, she asked me to hang out with her twice, which I did. For the past 5 weeks or so, she's only called me 3 times, and I've called her once. However, over the past week at work, she has been increasingly nice to me and always seems to find a way to be around me. I catch her looking at me a lot (at the photocopier, the lunch room table, etc.) Is she maybe shy to ask me to hang out? Scared of rejection? Scared that I'm dating someone else? Should I start to call her or ask her to hang out?

 

All these questions keep going through my mind!

 

Any advice would be great!

 

Thanks!

[puppy]

hi

 

If she has broken up with you, then allow her to make the effort to make it up, otherwise you might get the wrong idea that she only wanted a friendship instead of a relationship.

 

My advice is simply take it as it comes.

 

Good luck.

 

Woof Woof!

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

She's obviously wanting something. But the question is, are you wanting something, too? I think she is afraid of rejection, seeing as you said she dumped you. If I were you I would ask her to lunch or something. Don't spend too much talking about the past, talk about the present and future. Good luck!

[gabodi]

I'm definitely wanting something.

 

She's been acting a bit different for about 2 weeks now. She's been looking at me a lot at work, talking to me a lot, but is much more shy around me now. She also has only called me once in the last 4 weeks, whereas right after the break up, she called me quite a bit. I still have only called her once in 3 months.

 

I don't know!! I think I might call her tomorrow to ask her to go for a walk or something.

 

Any other advice or thoughts on what she's thinking?

 

Thanks

[bcuzitwasfun]

She is definatly thinking about you.

 

Hard really to tell in what context.

 

Could be -

 

"I wish we were still together..."

"I realize now I made a mistake..."

"I want to talk to him..."

"I wonder if he is with somebody..."

 

OR -

 

"I'm glad I broke it off...."

"What did I ever see in him..."

"He is so pitiful with out me..."

"It p!sses me off he appears to be so happy..."

 

I hope it's something like the first set.

 

Good luck and let us know how everything goes.

 

bcuzitwasfun

[gabodi]

Sooooo embarrassing!!!

 

So I called her.....and it went to the answering machine.

 

This is exactly what I said, in a nervous voice..."hi *****, it's ****.....ummmmm....ummmmmm.....i forgot what i was going to say....ummmm.....i totally forgot what i was going to say...just a sec"

 

and I hung up!!!

 

Then I called back in about a minute and left another message, in a calm voice, "hey, sorry about that...my brother just came downstairs and i had to hang up...i just called to say hi. give me a call back if you get this today. bye"

 

What do you think about that????

[solo34]

Think U MIGHT have saved yourself...not sure though. Women are TOO smart.

 

-Solo34

[HappyPainter]

Women are much smarter then men give them credit for and that is that.

 

I even think that there is some hidden agenda about the sterotypes that have been portait about women. I think that possably it was promoted by some smart women to get men to think women are not smart. ;-)

[solo34]

YUP...hahaha, that's so true HP.

 

-Solo34

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi gabodi,

 

I'm assuming she never called back. I hate that as I can tell that you really want to know what's going on with her and if there is a chance in the future. From your posts, it seems as if now you feel lost and "under her thumb". Now you'll have to face her at work tomorrow with this on your mind. Tough situation.

 

I think that you should act as if nothing happened when you see her. Don't expect any kind of response from her. Don't act sad, mad or disturbed by the phone call you made. Did you do something wrong? In my oppinion you didn't, but look at how it made you feel.

 

She could have been "busy", she could have been not at home, or she could have been sitting there looking at whose calling and just didn't answer your call. Who knows.

 

Don't discuss the phone call at work, and mostly don't listen to any coworkers who have anything to say about her or the relationship. It is easier said than done, I know, but when you have to see your ex everyday and in a controlled environment it can be very hard not to listen and not to talk.

 

What should you do next? I don't think I'd initiate any kind of contact with her unless it is strictly business related. Let her make the next move towards a future relationship with you while you work on yourself to move forward with your life. Think about what you need to do to be successful and happy with out her involved. You don't need her help to do this. She probably does feel that she has the upper hand and is in complete control right now. That's ok if she feels that way, you don't care. Don't care how she feels. You have better and more important things to do and worry about.

 

Good luck and let us know how things go.

 

bcuzitwasfun

[gabodi]

Thanks for the advice, that was a great post.

 

You assumed right. She didn't call back. I was pretty pissed off last night about it, and I think that's the best thing for me to feel. Cause I went to work not caring today. I acted very distant around her. When I first got there, I joked about the message though, saying that I'm a dork, and laughed at it. She laughed about it too. However, she kept giving me mixed signals again. I barely talked to her in the lunchroom at lunch. But whenever I looked at her, she was looking at me (which was about 4 times). She then started a conversation with me, which she never does (she's shy in the lunchroom and doesn't usually talk). I continued to stay distant all day, but she kept making conversation with me. Ahhhhhhhhh....girls are confusing! ha

[bcuzitwasfun]

Your welcome!

 

People can be confusing! We are confusing!

 

It seems from your posts that she does have feelings for you. Looking at you all the time, striking up conversations with you etc. I would remain distant but don't go to far with it, unless you want out.

 

She is probably wondering what is going on and why you seem to be so distant. She knows that you want to be with her and she seems as confused about the situation as anyone.

 

I think puppy is right in that now you should take things as they come and let her make a more of an effort to let you know she wants to be together again.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

bcuzitwasfun

[gabodi]

We've worked together for the past 6 months. That's how we met. We found out today that she is losing her job. She's just filling in for someone on a maternity leave, but unfortunately, that person is coming back earlier than expected.

 

So now things will be different. We see each other every single day. In a few weeks, that will no longer be the case.

 

I wonder if things will change??