Does everyone go through this????

[Mccrat]

Hi All,

I am new to this web site and wanted to ask some of you what you thought of my situation. I am VERY happily marred for 6 years with two children. I love my husband dearly and would never think of hurting him....but I have feelings that are testing me.

 

I was in college 8 years ago and I had a teacher who taught me a few courses. I know this sounds terrible, but we had a thing for each other. We were 9 years apart in age and we both had a better half (not married) at the time. Even though we knew we had feelings for each other we just kept it at that and were faithful to our partners. Now, I am working with him We work 2 cubicles away from each other and those old feelings have come back in full force. We have both admitted that we still have these feeling, but yet again.....we can't do anything about it.

 

Has anyone else out there been in this situation before? If feels like we are being tested and I hate. I have just as much feelings for him as I did 8 years ago. I thought it had gone away and after school, I nearly forgot about him, until he showed up here. We talk through messenger at work all day and most of it revolves around what we can't...or shouldn't do but what we are wanting. We both have families and I would never think of having an affair with him. We have tried to call a truce and say 'Ok, no more...we have to cut all feelings off to get through this'. But it isn't working. Neither of us want to quite our jobs over this. We are very good friends and can talk so easily about our situation it almost makes it worse.

 

Just wondering what people out there think? Will this ever go away or am I going to have to live with this? I can't even get away from him! There is nothing worse than dwelling on missed opportunities.

Thanks for listening.

[netman]

You're going through and are guilty of emotional infidelity in the biggest way and it's wrong. But you haven't done anything physical, but sounds to me that the physical cheating could come any minute.

 

You work with him so you can't stop being in contact with him, but stop talking to him about this and stop talking to him via messenger. If you love your husband, you'll stop ASAP.

[secret_agent_man]

Yes, netman's right. You can't let this go on. It is definitely possible to grow feelings for someone else, it happens all the time. You just need to remember that you chose to make a commitment, and you love your husband. You need to put these feelings behind you, and if that means disconnecting completely, DO IT. It can make life tough, but you have to do it for yourself. Aren't you just letting yourself down the most through all of this? Probably! So do it for yourself if you won't do it for him, you either have to stick by that commitment physically AND emotionally, or it means there is something wrong with your belief in the relationship...

 

Good luck, respect yourself and your family...

 

 

S.A.M.

[kdreger]

We only regret what we didn't do.

 

You're playing with fire here. Many things may happen.

 

What if you have a party at work and both of you get drunk... inhibitions gone and something happens.

 

This feeling won't go away while you work with him. There's a curiosity and excitement there.

 

Do you know if your MSN at work is private? Has anyone read anything you two send back to each other? Do you know if your work polices your MSN? What if someone walks in and sees what you're typing to him?

 

Do you two ever spend time together? Do you feel the tension? Is it obvious to others?

 

Tread lightly as this can get dangerous quickly.

[crookster_man]

I understand the situation you are in. I must warn you, that you are treading on very dangerous ground. Much like the previous poster said. You have already committed emotional adultery. I strongly urge you to read this article on the 15 stages of infidelity.

 

indwes.edu/tuesday/5-adulty.htm

 

You have already started down this path. You have to ask yourself what is missing from your current relationship that you are attempting to gain through this new guy? If you keep this behaviour up you will cheat physically. That is almost a guarantee. Think long and hard before you continue this relationship.

[tkdmask]

What you are going through is a very normal thing to happen. You two have known each other back in the campus days. Keep in mind that you have made a commitment with your husband and family, forsake them not. It is not worth cheating on them, trust me. They are your family, your hardwork in raising them, and you have shared many memorable mermories with your husband. going after this guy will only make things worse, you will be traumatized by guilt, and feel uneasy about many things. Infact this affair will pull you apart from your family and same with him. You must controll your self now . Your not a kid anymore, you are a bright, beutiful, women with a financial future.

 

I would suggest to mantain an easy friendship relationship with him if even that. Dont push yourself, and best of all, dont presure yourself in bringing back those old romatic passions about him. Let him know that you are true to your family.

 

take care and i wish you good luck in all that you do.

[crookster_man]

This is all great advice; I really hoped you checked out the site I suggested. I just wanted to make one last point. The fact that you have posted a request for advice on this topic means that you know that what you are doing is not completely honourable. You sense that you might be crossing the line, so you are looking for reassurance in your actions.

 

I'm sure you suspected the responses that where given. The fact that you asked for them speaks volumes about your intentions. Take strength from us and do what you know you have to do.

[Mccrat]

Hmm, Some of the comments that were made make me sound like a terrible person, at least I feel that way. I have NO intentions of ruining my marriage or his for that matter. I love my husband, my kids and I know he loves his wife and his kids. We are being very respectful of each other and he nor I ever crossed a line that I feel guilty about. We know how each other feels and that is all. There has been no physical contact or anything that has even come close to being adultery. My husband knows how we felt about each other back in school and he trusts me and I respect him for that, I would never jeopardize that. Many of these posts make me feel like have something to feel guilty about. I just wanted to know if this happens to others and what others do about the situation. Sorry if I sound like I am trying to defend myself but I do somewhat feel attacked.

[crookster_man]

I'm sorry you feel that you are being attack. You have to understand that the majority of people posting on this site are suffering from heartbreak. Sometimes due to cheating and betrayal. People have a tendency to project there hurt feelings on others. I don't think anyone was trying to attack you. They simply see patterns, which led to a situation, which caused them much pain and suffering. I am one of those people.

 

If you understand the situation you are in and know where the line is then maybe you two can be good friends. Odds show that your situation leads to betrayal. My only advice to you is to be respectful of your husband's wishes. If he becomes uncomfortable with the situation, I would respect his desire for you two to back off. If you are willing to do that for the marriage and the family, then I say proceed in your friendship.

 

Just make sure your family comes first.

[kdreger]

Hey it happens ALL the time!

 

Don't feel guilty for feeling that way.

 

When I was married there was a secretary in the office and she was HOT! Tall german girl... very "healthy". We flirted and joked but that was it. You have to draw a line in the sand and never go near it. Anything comes close - run in the opposite direction because in the heat of the moment things happen fast!!! Many people have gotten into trouble just because of it happening so fast.

 

What is dangerous is that you are using MSN on company computers to chat about things you would like to do... that's what I'm partially stressing as dangerous. A lot of companies track that stuff as on company computers privacy does not exist. If push comes to shove they can use that against you or your gentleman friend. Would you want it to get out like that? Someone in management finds out and the grapevine gets ahold of it... suddenly your spouses hear about it - graphic details too.

 

As well, you are loyal but is he. We never really know each other - we think we do but we don't. Just watch out.

[Texas Consultant]

The problem with choices is you to have make them.

 

You can't have both A and B; you can have A or B.

 

So pick and and be happy.