Forgiving husband

[Princess2]

Hello. This is my first time here. I have been married for 15 years. For the past 2 years, I have been finding emails and letters to my husband from different women....saying I love you...can't wait to be together and so on. I told him to come clean with me. He finally did.

 

A month later he said since he was being honest...that he had to tell me about a women(she and I didn't get along) that he had an affair with. Needless to say...I was floored.

 

It has been 6 months and I am still having a hard time forgiving him and moving on. So many times we have tried to be romantic and I wonder did he hold her the same way or what he told her. I so much want to confront the woman but I don't know her residence. I guess that is for the best.

 

I just want a closure to this. I love him...but because I don't trust him...I think my love for him is diminishing.

 

I pray that GOD will just work this out. I am at a lost right.

[foreverurz23]

when your in a romantic situation with him would it ever help to think about just you and him, try not to think about the other woman. you got to respect the fact that he did come clean to you and think of the things that he is going through if he truly loves you he is going through hell still over it knowing what he did was totaly wrong. this sort of thing is going to take much needed time. would you ever consider sitting down with him and talking about marraige counsaling?????

 

goodluck

 

~foreverurz23~

[BananaRamma01]

Honey, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you... I've been cheated on before, but never by the man that I love. I am fortunate enough to be in a very loving relationship with someone whom I can trust. If you need closure, tell the man you need closure. Tell him what you're thinking, and make sure he realizes how this is affecting you. He needs to know because the only way you can fix anything is to take action. I hope this helped.

 

 

Always...

BananaRamma01

 

[secret_agent_man]

Don't worry about your love diminishing, if you loved him enough to commit to marry him forever, hold on to that as long as possible.

 

I can't stress enough, the vow "for better or for worse" is something you swore to. Things can get tough, but if you believe in him, then try to work through it. It's very hard to forget something like that, but try to put yourself in his shoes, and know that he feels aweful. There's not much more he can do but feel guilty right now, so dig deep and give him your soul. He needs help too. I'm sure it still burns him inside.

 

Even if he DID hold her like that, it's still you he wants. I know it's hard to swallow, but I'll bet he loves you more now than ever before because of the kindness you show by sticking by his side. Try to build your trust with him, see a counellor, just don't give up on him yet...

 

I guess that's all I can give you. Don't give up!

 

S.A.M.

[crookster_man]

Hmm I don't know what to say here. In my mind if someone cheats, they don't deserve a second chance. Maybe you need some time apart a separation to figure out what you really want. If you find your way back into each other's life then maybe you can forgive each other and work together.

 

You could try the counselling, that may help. You have to ask yourself can you forgive him and put this behind you? If you forgive him that means you can't bring any of this up if the future. You have to leave it in the past. You can't dwell on it. Can you do this? If not don't kid your self or him. Good luck

[kdreger]

A lot of diverse opinions on this... very cool.

 

What a lot of people forget is that infidelity is usually a symptom of something else. Did he ever tell you a reason for his affair? You have to look to that as a means to come to peace with it. How you regain your trust is find out why it happened. When you know why, you work on fixing that and then when that is fixed you can feel that the problem has been solved and thereforeeeeee trust is a possibility.

 

You're feeling hurt. That is understandable. You have every right to do whatever makes you feel your worth - stay or leave. The question is: is this man worth staying? Has he been good otherwise? Was his reason for cheating one you can accept? If yes, then work on this.

 

Don't rush into a decision though. If you need it, take a trip by yourself somewhere and spend some time alone to contemplate your future. This is YOUR life. Do what makes you feel in control and happy.

[tkdmask]

Take it easy in a situation like this. Apparently an affair is a secret sexual relationship between 2 lovers illegally. how must he have felt when he was in bed with her? did he feel remorse or guilt? It takes alot to go to bed with a women other than his wife. You two have been married for so long too. He either done this intentionally or this lady has done it intentionally to tick you off. The romatic conversations that they both have exchanged appalls me. When is it that you found out about these notes. How did you get a hold of them? what ever the reason is, I would suggest marriage counceling. Get out there and solve it once and for all. See if you want to stay in a relationship with this man.

 

take care and i wish you luck in all that you do.

[Princess2]

Everyone,

Thanks for all the responses. But tell me, how do you cheat on someone more than once but you say you love them.

 

He corresponded with different women sharing intimate conversations but he said he only slept with one. THE ONE that really disliked me. How interesting.

 

Why do I still love this man. I am very attractive, so why am I accepting this. For the most part, the kids. He is a very good father. Still yet I feel as though I need some time alone. I don't want my kids to be without their father.

 

I have faith that GOD is going to work it all out.......but right now, I am just tire of hurting and wondering when is the next bomb going to explode.

 

He assured me that he is a changed man. In a way, I believe him. But so much hurt and anger is in me, I don't know if I'll ever forgive him. This is not a healthy situation for me. I have even thought about physically hurting myself(just to see him in pain) Stupid....I know. I don't want to play any games I just want to live.

 

My situation is so fragile. I always thought he was my soulmate. We are so in-sync(so I thought). I feel so empty. I am scared to be without him....but I am tired of the pain.

 

I guess I am at the crossroads.

[crookster_man]

You said it, you are at the "crossroads". Sounds like you can't see clearly which way is which and which way is the best. You need to speak to someone, a relationship counselor. They deal with these situations all the time. Understand that has hard and painful this situation is, you are not alone and this is not uncommon. It happens to far to many people.

 

Speak to someone who can help you see the road ahead of you more clearly. Remember you cannot make someone else happy unless you are happy. You children would rather have a happy mom then an unhappy family. I'm sure they are already suffering even if they don't know. Good luck, and know you are not alone.

[kinatra]

Hi Princess,

 

First of all, please be careful about some of the responses you get on this. Some are good and some are misguided who lack understanding and experience of life's complexities. I can't and wouldn't begin to tell you how to feel because I don't see through your eyes. I know you are hurt and the roof looks like it's going to crash in and the the pain of it all is eating away at you. But it will get better. Know that you are not alone as this web site is so named. I like many of the other people here feel your pain and reach out to you if only with our words.

 

Again, I cannot tell you what to do nor would I ever think of doing so. I am not a praying man, but I'll say a prayer for you now in hopes that you will find the courage, that I know is inside of you, to do what you need to make things better for you (be that couseling, talking to him, etc.). No matter what, know that you can take your time and that your not alone in this - in that many other people are going through this exact same situation. My only concern is with you and making sure you do, what you need to do to make the decisions on how your life is going to get back on track so that you can feel the happiness you deserve.

 

Take care of yourself.......

 

Kinatra