Is he cheating on me?

[Kate79]

Ok, let me put to you the following which has happened between my boyfriend and I. Please give your opinon as to whether you think he is cheating..or is going to cheat?

 

We have been together for 12mths and totally in love up until 2 weeks ago. Probably the most inlove we have been. Then all of a sudden he stops having sex with me & making excuses i.e too tired, sore from work. In fact he has stopped being affectionate altogether towards me. I will go to hug him or kiss him when watching tv together and pulls away saying 'its unnecessary'. We dont live together, but when i go around to his house to see him he just says hello and doesnt talk. But he is the one that calls me up to go around.

 

Anyway, last week he had to work late almost every night, so i got suspicious and looked through his mobile phone and seems like he caught up with his ex girlfriend who was in town for the week. I also saw another message from another girl and it seemed like they were planning to meet up on a night that he told me he was working late. On all of his messages to both girls he ended the message with 'xxx'. He hasn't even been replying to any of my messages of late, little own sending me kisses.

 

I know that both of those girls he knew before we met and i know he still keeps in contact with his ex, so they COULD just be friends now and nothing happened...but then why lie to me and say he was working late.

 

Everytime i try to talk to him about us and why he is being so cold towards me, he just rolls his eyes and tells me to stop pysching out. He says its starting to annoy him that i ask the same question everytime we see each other i.e 'what's the matter?'

 

I just don't understand what has happened, and the more I try and find out by talking to him about it, the more frustrated he gets.

 

Am i being treated like crap? I love him so much, but im not going to be made a fool of.

[RayKay]

Well, yes, you are being treated like crap.

 

That whole "kissing and hugging is "unecessary"" and rolling his eyes at you - that is what I would call hostile, and not what people in healthy relationships do.

 

I would say even if there is not physical cheating going on, there are some very very big red flags here - the sudden change in sexual intimacy, lack of affection, the lack of communication, the hostile attitude, the texts (even the fact you snooped shows me your own gut is going nuts right now too) which clearly showed he was being dishonest about his whereabouts and whom he was seeing (I don't even know what to say about the xxx thing - I have ex's I am in contact with and I would not DREAM of signing any messages to them that way!!!!)....and even more so, the fact he refuses to talk and instead tells you that you are overreacting is a major indication that he is hiding something, and trying to make you 'feel' crazy so you will deny to yourself anything is going on.

 

Don't ignore your gut honey.

[ocrob]

I will say that sometimes us guys take our women for granted. I would pull back and see if he comes to you. He just may be taking you for granted and need a kick in the balls. I say that figeratively. I would give him some space and see what happens. If he is cheating or wants to, then he will not contact you. If he loves you and is just feeling overwhelmed or taking you for granted, then distancing yourself will make him realize that. If you pressure him, then things will get worse. Let him make all of the contact and distance yourself from him. Some men get really complacent and stupid. I hope he is not cheating and hope that he just needs to miss you a bit. I say go limited contact and let him come to you. Us men always do, if we want to be with a woman. Good luck and don't smother him.

[keenan]

I agree with RayKay: Yes, you're being treated like crap. Yes, you just listed a lot of big red flags. Think about it this way: If your best girlfriend told you the same story you just told us, what would you think? What would you advise her to do?

 

(For the record, I'd tell *my* best friend that she is WAY too good to be taking any of that crap off of this dude, even if he was the king of the world until two weeks ago. A lot of things could have "happened" to make him change his behavior toward you, but he's probably not going to tell you the truth. Unfortunately, you're having to deal with how he's behaving now, not how he was behaving before he turned into SuperJerk.)

 

Good luck with this!

[Kate79]

Thanks for your advice.

 

Such a shame cause I really loved this one

[keenan]

Thanks for your advice.

 

Such a shame cause I really loved this one

 

 

Yeah. I'm so sorry, hun. I think I came off as a bit strident before. I'm not backing down from anything I said, but I think the real point of my message was that you should be at least as watchful and protective of yourself as you would be of the people you love. Whether that means having a serious sit-down conversation with him to give him ONE chance to explain his weird behaviors (no eye rolling allowed) or just kicking his rude butt to the curb is your decision. Oh, there I go again. I'll stop. Just be careful. Hug.

[PrincessLinzay]

I also agree that RayKay knows her stuff.

 

He is treating you badly, but it's obvious you already know that.

 

Unfortunately, that damn, obnoxious gut of ours is usually right. If you honestly feel that something "just isn't right", then it probably isn't.

 

Furthermore, even if there wasn't any cheating going on, he is not behaving in a manner which is acceptable in a relationship. Affection is very important, not something I would deem "unecessary. Either way you look at it, something isn't right here.

 

Are you trying to salvage the relationship, or are you ready to call it quits?

[miracle29]

As the Moderator Avman once said "there are worst things then cheating" and after reading your post...I now understand just what he means by this. This man is mistreating you and that alone should give you the strenght to leave him. Check you private message..

[fishrrshortae]

I would apologize for snooping through his cell phone, then confront him with what you've found. If he blows you off, or you feel like he's not being honest with you, walk away once and for all, total NC. You deserve better.

 

p.s. although snooping may not have been the best thing to do, I forgive you and absolve you of guilt. Cuz pretty much anyone in your situation would have done the same thing.

[LotusFlower]

I personaly think we need to wire radars to mens heads if we honestly think we can have a faithfull relationship with them, that and get use to them constantly looking at boobs.

 

He may not have cheated...YET, if you where in love. He is howerver, I believe, getting bored and now looking curiously at other women. He could be not sharing the same feelings as you. He is taking you for granted and seeing if he can keep you their as a crutch while he plays over here for a while with some other girls...um...

 

I'd say... its obvious you are falling out of love with me...so I'm out.

 

Bye.

[miracle29]

I'm sorry but that is the most negative thing in the world i've ever heard. I'm sure there are atleast a few men out there who don't cheat. However I do agree with you that men will "always sneek a peek at a boob or a nice tight butt" but i'm guilty of looking at tight buns too..so I hope that doesn't make me a horrid wife. But maybe not...my husband and I joke all the time about looking at stars...i thinks its healthy to do so.

 

I don't think all men are such pigs that they all have to cheat...some men love their women enough to hold to their commitments...and SOME women too.

 

I think when a man starts treating you like a back up ....you are....

[piers]

As someone who has cheated, I would say that there is a high probability that he is up to no good.

Your gut feel is very probably trustworthy.

The sudden loss of interest is a classic symptom in a man who is straying or almost straying.

His frustration when talking to you is also a very feasible symptom of his covering up. He can't tell you the truth so its very tough to be made to lie repeatedly.

If its gone this way after a year, I reckon you would be better off with someone else. I think you should confront him,

...you have a right not to be cheated on.

[applz]

A womans intutition is a very powerful thing. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT! An intuition or feeling something is not right usually is a sign you may have a cheating problem. "When in doubt check them out."

[becallamjr]

Honesty is the best policy. Tell him how you are feeling and if he blows you off, tell him that it is over. It may open his eyes. I never understood why guys cheat. If I want another girl to sleep with, then I'm going to let the person that I am with know that I don't want them anymore.

[Rabican]

Thanks for your advice.

 

Such a shame cause I really loved this one

 

Think real hard... if this is the kind of stuff that he does/ may continue doing. Do you love him, or do you love what you want him to be.

 

Sounds like he may not be what you really thought you had. the lying is a huge huge red flag... not to be overlooked. If you get hostility, and denial, and not a good and i mean GOOD explaination... the assume the worst.

[NW Homey]

This guy seems to be bad news. He is covering something he doesn't want to know. Possibly he does want you to know since he left the messages on his phone. I agree that he seems to be playing the field while keeping you on the sidelines either for a reserve or to come back to when he is done playing. Problem there is if he thinks he is about to get serious with you and feels a need to "get it out of his system" he will probably do it again later. You are better off going and finding someone who has "it out his system" already. This guy hasn't grown up yet. I like the idea of looking at as if you were talking to a friend and advising them. Keep your chin up and your pride. Go forward with your life and find a muture MAN to dedicate your life to.