I am so lost

[Help_Needed]

I just ended a relationship with someone I love about two weeks ago. We only dated for three month, but it was a my first serious relationship and the amount of time we were together was nothing compared to how much we shared. Yes, I ended it and I still love her. I just am not in love with her if that makes any sense. I just recently faced the facts that I am gay in June. Since June I have dated two women. With both, I met their gay friends, but never really made my own friends within the gay community. So, here I am now with no one to turn to. I feel so lonely. I tried to go to the bar last night by myself and just felt even more lonely. I am also dealing with worrying about my ex. I care so much for her, but she will not talk to me. I can understand why she doesn't want to, I just want to know if she is okay. I don't know how to figure out if she is okay without her thinking I want to get back with her. I am so lonely now that I fear I would do it b/c I miss her company and I hate feeling so lost. Help! I have friends, but they don't know about me. My family knows, but they can only help so much. I am not sure what I am asking here. I need advice. All I want to do is stay in my apartment and not do anything. I cry for no reason. I want to call out to someone for help, but I have no one.

[77streaks]

Hi there,

 

i understand its hard to open up about your hurting heart to friends who are not gay.

 

I had a gay relationship for a year and a half, though before and after that i was "straight". my sibling is gay too, and i have gay friends.

 

If you know your orientation, and the next time you make friends at the les/gay friendly bar, open up and really get to know people and make an effort to be a friend, listen to them.

 

but right now, there may be some of your friends who might be more open minded than you imagine, and honestly if they really love you, they would want to be there for you.

 

I think its wonderful that your family know and are cool with it.

 

i don't think you can really do anything for your ex without hurting yourself.

she has her own friends to turn to, she'll be alright. Take care, and hope you feel better soon

[moonunit]

hey i wonder...does she know that you are gay? maybe this would help her understand a little better and accept things. big hugs to you. it'll be all right.

[EnglishSilver]

Hi, sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. Keep telling yourself you did the right thing because it would have been a lot harder for your ex if you'd continued the relationship only to leave her further down the line. Once she's over this pain she will be free to find someone who loves her back in the right way. Ive been on both sides of this situation and know that neither is easy. For you, sitting in a bar seeing everyone else with people they know must be deadly, and you also run the risk of people thinking your there to get picked up, when it sounds as though you'd be better off making some friends and leaving relationships alone for a little while. Can you try and find out what else is happening in your local gay community, are there any groups or activities that you could join where you would get to meet other people and the chance to make some of your own friends? Only you know your straight friends and how they might react, but they might be ok, if they care about you they'll want to help even if its a bit of a surprise! I know you want to know your ex is ok, but she isn't going to be for a while. Thats not your fault its part of the process. Unless you have to see her for any reason, like work or anything, its probably best to leave her alone to get over it. She will go through a stage where shes angry at you, again, this is part of the healing process and doesn't mean you did anything wrong. I'm having to stay in touch with the woman who broke my heart a month ago because our children are such close friends and I think it would be easier to heal if I had no contact. People think its easy to be the one who ends the relationship, but i know from past experience its not. Once you've made that decision you have to accept that you can no longer support that person or help them with how they feel because you're the one that hurt them. Thats really hard when you still care a lot about someone and feel guilty.She will be ok, and if you have treated her with kindness and respect which I'm sure you have, in time she will hopefully be ok if you bump into her. Really hope you feel better soon. xxxx

[Help_Needed]

moonunit, I am female. So, I am pretty sure she knows I am gay.

 

I have been looking for other things going on in the gay community, but I can't seem to find anything. I will keep researching things. When I broke up with her I felt a sense of relief, but I didn't realize all these other feelings would come with it . I love my family and when I first decided to tell them I never thought I would get this much support from all of them. Right now, they are all I have and I am so thankful for that. As far as my friends go, I do plan on telling them and possibly in the near future. I know that I have supported them thru many things and I hope they can be there for me like I was there for them.

 

EnglishSilver, you described just how I felt at the bar. I didn't like it at all. I know I don't need to be in a relationship right now. I really appreciate all of your words of advice. I know there is a process to this for her, I didn't think I would have to go through a process though. It is hard seeing someone for three months almost everyday and then not seeing them at all, but I know I can't think about that right now. I can only imagine how hard it would be for you to have to see your ex, being in my ex's shoes. I never wanted to do that to her, but that comes with it. I hope she thinks I treated her with kindness and respect. What to do, What to do? I am sure this too will pass, but it is so much easier said then done.

[moonunit]

haha! yeah I caught that too. smooch! hugs and kisses!! That'll teach me to post after midnight. But I think you're onto something though about not needing to be in a relatipnship right now though. Just take care of yourself and stay strong. Keep posting here if you need to, we're all here to support one another