gratefulpain Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 hello, been doing pretty good folowing all the directions...my healing seems to be going on track... I do not want my ex back because to me she ruined our chances by being with someone else when we were broke up for a week... Im only 14 days old in recovery and for some reason today i felt a sense of forgiveness.. almost like I guess she did what she did based on her own view and mentality .. perhaps not out of spite.. along with this feeling of forgiveness came a thoughts of missing her.... is this normal? I'm not going to act on it ... but now I find myself checking my missed calsl on my phone again.... should I block out these feeling of lovey-dovey or should I try to feel them.... Link to comment
kellbell Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Hi Grateful, I believe it is very normal to forgive you ex. To me, forgivness is not for the other person whom you are forgiving, it is for yourself. It is a gift to yourself as a way to heal and move on. It is okay to forgive but not forget. Not forgiving someone still allows that person to have some kind of power over you...forgiveness takes the power back. It takes a lot of strength and soul searching to do so. You are doing great. There are going to be those days when you will miss her and think about the past but that is normal...and the further along you in forgiving, the less pain you will feel when you remember. It is sort of like an inner peace. Take care. Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Missing her is normal, I think you should feel everything you need to, but don't act on them. If you wait by the phone or try to contact her, you will end up back at square one. Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 Thanks guys.. think I need to burn a cd to play tonight... What are these voices outside love’s open door Make us throw off our contentment And beg for something more? I’m learning to live without you now But I miss you sometimes The more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again I’ve been tryin’ to get down To the heart of the matter But my will gets weak And my thoughts seem to scatter But I think it’s about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore ~Don Henley~ Link to comment
kellbell Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I love that song....Heart of the Matter from Don Henley. Very good song and very true. Hang in there, you are doing great. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Forgiveness can only be a good thing. If you are angry at someone- it takes a lot of energy out of you, just by being mad at them. It also maintains an unhealthy connection to them (since you have angry thoughts and feelings regarding them) and it makes it harder for you to heal. It is normal for you to "miss" her , as this is all still new. I think you are doing well in your healing, if you are able to forgive and move on. Some people hold on to bitterness for YEARS- and it really weighs them down in ways they do not realize. If you can find inner peace when thinking about your past relationship, and use it as a learning experience- you will be a better person in the end. When you do enter another relationship- you will also be in a healthier state of mind. BellaDonna Link to comment
NR498E Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 To me, forgivness is not for the other person whom you are forgiving, it is for yourself I agree with that 100%.I come along way since having my heart ripped out and stomped on right in front of me. However I can't seem to forgive my ex.I try, I really do but she hurt be so bad and I just feel so used by her. I don't know if I will ever find it in myself to forgive her.I wish I could, I really do.Everything Ive read says you have to forgive to truly be free and able to move on.But what if you just can't do it.It's been 6 months since my ex cheated on me and bailed, and I in all honesty I hold more resentment to her now than ever.What gives? Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 It's been 6 months since my ex cheated on me and bailed, and I in all honesty I hold more resentment to her now than ever.What gives? Even though this has probably felt like the longest 6 months of your life (since time does not fly if you're not having fun)- 6 months after getting your heart broken- the wounds are still new. IT has not been that long. I think time will eventually cure you- and as life brings you new possibilities, it will be easier to let go of the past, and the anger. In the meantime you might want to set the tone by reading some good books about Forgivness, and just try to meditate and do things to bring yourself inner peace and wellness. BellaDonna Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 whats helped me and I'm not into and orgainzed religion.. is before bed I would say a mini prayer for her.. that she have a wondeful life and all her dreams come true... even if you dont mean it.... sounds silly till you try it but try it everynight for one week... what will happen is you will rise above your resentment and end up almost feeling sorry for her.... Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 whats helped me and I'm not into and orgainzed religion.. is before bed I would say a mini prayer for her.. that she have a wondeful life and all her dreams come true... even if you dont mean it.... sounds silly till you try it but try it everynight for one week... what will happen is you will rise above your resentment and end up almost feeling sorry for her.... That's probably a wise thing to do. Even if you "faking" it- it can end negative thought patterns. It sounds lot better than the alternative- which would be to end up kept awake thinking angry thoughts. If you fake it long enough- you may ultimately turn into reality as you get "used to" letting go of the anger. BellaDonna Link to comment
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