Help: Attracted to a Coworker.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I'm very much attracted to a girl I work with, and I don't know what to do.

 

We're in different teams, but lately I've had to work with her.

 

I was attracted to her when I first started working here, but at the time I was married so I did my best to avoid her.

 

Well now I'm the big D, so I'm not trying hard anymore. In fact I'd like to be friends with her (possibly more down the line).

 

If she likes me, she's not being obvious about it. When we talk about work, she usually smiles at me, and looks into my eyes, but I'm not trying to read too much into it. Sometimes she waves hi to me, but I think she's just being friendly.

 

I've asked about her, I'm pretty sure she's single, and outside of her team, I think I know her the best in the company.

 

I'm just so scared to do anything about my attraction though. I feel like I'll be tipping my hand by directly asking her out, and I know that workplace relationships can lead to a disaster. Yet I still am really attracted to her, and want to do something about it.

 

I think if I tried starting out with friends, I know I would have a better shot, then asking her out point blank.

 

Any advice on what approach to take? I'm really at a loss here.

[Arrowsmith]

Lost, I'm in exactly the same boat. I just came back from a dinner that I organized with a small group of people from work. That was the gambit -- it's not really a date because it's a group of people from work -- and I figured I could get a read on her feelings toward me. The vibe was friendly but not overwhelmingly postive. Maybe you'll have better luck with this stunt than I did...

[LostInMyThoughts]

Thanks Arrowsmith.

 

Anyone else have advice?

[NJRon]

I always follow the golden rule...

 

Don't s*** in your own backyard.

 

I have never dated someone from work and I have always had a drama-free office.

[Arrowsmith]

Lost, how long will you be working with her for? Maybe you could use this time to get to know her better and wait until you are not longer working together to make any kind of more-than-just-friends move.

[LostInMyThoughts]

No real idea how long. We're a small company, and she's part of the R&D group, and I'm part of the Dev group, so this could go on for quite some time.

 

I know there are other fish in this sea, but sometimes you just gotta follow your feelings.

[novaseeker]

Eh, flashing red lights. If it's a small group you work in, you work closely together in that group, you have a relationship and it goes south, things get very, very, very dicey.

 

I think it's okay to get involved with someone from work provided you don't work closely with them, they are in another area, etc. ... because if things go wrong, there's nothing worse than having the ex in your face every day and having no choice but dealing with them professionally.

[LostInMyThoughts]

So what you're saying is I should get her fired, then ask her out.

[NJRon]

So what you're saying is I should get her fired, then ask her out.

 

LOL! That's great

[Arrowsmith]

So what you're saying is I should get her fired, then ask her out.

 

No, don't do that. Just introduce her to me, and I'll hook you up with my co-worker.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Lost - you're funny...

 

I think you should get a group together for after work drinks one night. Make sure somehow that she knows about it or is invited or whatever.

 

Just take it one step at a time. Hang out with her in a co-worker sitchy-ation OUTSIDE of work and just have fun with it. See how it feels. She might even bring a date and you'll have your answer right away.

 

If not, just have a few cocktails, and be social, with everyone, even her.

 

I think if a group of you make a habit of getting together every now and then, you'll get a feel for the possibilities...