Day_Walker Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I dont think that sleeping over his place and not having sex is wrong but I dont know how realistic that you are being. Sex has a tendency to happen and if you arent ready for that then it may not be the best position to put urself into. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Sprkal, Aside from some crude and immature comments, I think you are getting some very good responses. There is nothing wrong with sleeping over at your BF's house. Communication is the key here, you cannot go in to this blind and expect him to know what you are thinking as well. If he asks you to stay over, you need to establish your thoughts and feelings on your personal boundaries as well as his. If a guy assumes that you are going to have sex with him because you have accepted his invitation to sleep over, he is making a huge mistake. Like Ilse said as well as others, sleeping together without sex in the early stages of a relationship is a wonderful experience. Removing the pressures and expectations of sex is vital in order to make this a comfortable and relaxing experience for both of you. If he is in it just for the sex, let him know that you are looking for something more and move on. Many couples have refrained from having sex but are very passionate and loving towards each other until they have determined that the time was right for both of them. Too many potential relationships have ended because the sex came to soon and you can look around ENA for those stories. To some, sex is a quest and to others an expression of something deeper which goes much further than passion and lust. Talk to your BF if he invites you to stay over and let him know how you feel. RC Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Too many potential relationships have ended because the sex came to soon and you can look around ENA for those stories. To some, sex is a quest and to others an expression of something deeper which goes much further than passion and lust. Well said, well said... I believe in keeping "something to look forward to" and "something to work towards" in a relationship, some "emotional suspense", perhaps, and refraining from intercourse early on is key to this. If you do everything all at once too soon (i.e., before you two have a deep connection beyond the physical level, have built some good history in the relationship, and are truly in love), things can get stagnate and your judgment about who the other person really is on a deeper level as well as that of the relationship you have together gets clouded by the lust and passion associated with intercourse...or so that has been my experience... Link to comment
SuzyQ Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I dont think theres anything wrong with it. Just going to be hard for both of you, if theres an attraction, sleeping in the same bed can be a sleepless night. Did that when I first meet Ray. We slept in the same bed, nothing happened, so I was convinced there was nothing there. Little did I know we were both having a restless night..lol 13 years later, we're getting married. So to answer your question YES, it can be done! Suzy Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Welcome Suzy and congrats! RC Link to comment
SuzyQ Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Thanks RC. Nice to be here. Great site!! Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Great site!! It is a great site. There are a lot of knowledgeable peolple on here willing to offer help and insight. It has been a god-send for me in many ways... Link to comment
sprkal Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 Thanks for all your very thoughtful advice Well tonight's the night - I am just going to play things by ear and see how it all goes 'test the waters' so to speak. I think its a bit wrong to let him think he's going to get sex if I know he isnt so I will make sure he knows where I stand. I'm pretty sure he'll be cool with it. Well, wish me luck and thanks for all your advice - I'll let you know how I go! As quite a few people have said I think its important to take things slow, as the mystery of a new relationship gets a bit lost after sex... its all so much fun being with a new person isnt it! Have a great weekend everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! luv sprkal Link to comment
arwen Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Haha sprkal! Don't forget to update us about waking up next to him tomorrow... ENJOY!! Ilse Link to comment
ShySoul Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 sprkal, The greatest joy of my life thus far was lying next to and falling asleep beside a girl I loved. I didn't expect anything else, just wanted to hold her and be beside her. Watching her sleep and seeing her so peaceful and relaxed was a deeply intimate and special moment. As long as you trust him, there is nothing wrong with it. Enjoy the experience. I'm sure it will be great and memorable. Link to comment
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