Help Me! I want to tell the ex how I feel but how do I...

[hellokittykitty]

Please Help Me! ... I want to tell my ex how I feel (what he chooses to do is up to him) but how do I tell him/what do I say without making myself seem despirate and stupid?

 

I am going to send an e-mail... calls at this time will only end up in a tense conversation - I want to avoid that, I am not going to point the finger this e-mail is about me not him.

[annie24]

what is it that you want to say to your ex?

[octopus]

Don't tell him what you feel. You will open up everything you have in your hands and besides, it won't change ANYthing on his side. Please believe me, I've been there, done that, not long ago, 2 months ago.

 

When I look back now, I wish I'd just disappeared from him life then, and cry as much as I wanted to on my own, deal with it, be on my knees, starve to death coz I couldn't eat, pass out at work coz I couldn't sleep at nights, but do it all away from him so that I take care of myself, on my own. Then, after those painful, oh, so painful days, when I feel like I do today (Moving on, but missing him and hoping he comes back, but I underline: Moving on), then make up my mind about whether to tell him what I feel or not.

 

Just 3 weeks ago, I emailed and told him whatI felt, and he told me he didn't think he was making a mistake by breaking up. Is that what you want to hear? Because that's what he'll tell you. If he thought he was making a mistake, he'd be at your doorstep now.

 

Bottom line: Don't tell him * * * * until you get yourself together - and that might take MONTHS.

 

I didn't listen when people on this forum told me to completely disappear from his life. Maybe you can.

[annie24]

Octopus - i remember your story. I am SOOOO sorry that you heard that from him!!!! That is terrible. Well, there you have your answer, unfortunately. Yes, if you press your ex for an answer, you take the risk of hearing that as a response. That is a good point - better to write a long letter - and send it to yourself! If the ex wants you back, they know where to find you.

[Scout]

Hellokitty, this is what a lot of us have tried to advise you to do in your many other threads about your break up. It doesn't seem like you are taking the advice though. I'm telling you, if you keep acting on every one of the emotions you are having, you are going to end up permanently driving this guy away forever, losing any shred of dignity you have left, and end up taking much longer to recover from this break up.

 

You are not going to get the response you want from him if you send that email, or call him up to tell him whatever it is you're wanting to tell him. Please, please consider the advice you are being given on this site. Most of us have walked down this road and we've seen similar situations time and time again on these boards. We honestly are trying to help you, but it doesn't seem like you are really processing that we are saying.

[hellokittykitty]

he already knows that I still have feelings for him, and he knows I know that he doesn't want to be together because he needs time to sort it out... what I wanted to tell him is that I will always love him and that I wish we were back together but I understand that we can't be there right now.

[Scout]

Ok, I just want to add to my post a little. Look, I know you are going through a hell of a time right now, but remember when I said he would call you back - when you were convinced he wouldn't? And he DID.

 

So, sit back and wait. He WILL call you again if you don't call him. You said he was vexed by the no contact. GOOD. That is what you want - for him to start to wonder if you really can live without him. And if you seem to be doing so, it will take some pressure off him and make him look at you in a different light (edit). Right now, he still sees you as a source of pressure. PROVE that you're not. He did want to see you the other night, but that night ended in another high pressure argument. If you want him back eventually, you simply have to show him that you are a source of happiness for him, not a source of arguments, stress, and pressure.

 

Please, I've been where you're at. Learn from my mistakes so you don't have to make them!

[Scout]

And you put your post up while I was writing my other post...that's all good and well you want to say those nice things in an email, but it's too soon to say it. Just days ago you were upset. If you send a calm letter two days later, he's still going to think you're up and down with the emotions. Give it two weeks before you write that letter. I can almost promise he'll call by then, and if not, then you can decide if you still want to send that letter.

 

Two weeks is nothing if you truly will love him forever. You can do this, I know you can.

[ElektraHere]

HelloKitty,

 

Take it from me I have been in misery (my own making) because I have acted upon every emotion that has come to me. My guy wasn't a boyfriend and hopefully we will find our way back to on another as friends. (He still is open to that once I get myself all evened out)

 

What i have heard from many friends and family "what more do you have to say that he doesn't already know?" I wanted to talk to my friend desperately but he knows it would only be an emotional rollercoaster for me. It sucks yes, it hurts yes, I went to bed last night crying not the sprinkle of tears but that deep cry where your tears are like raindrops. I am sick of crying and hurting but it is me that is doing it to myself and not him.

If you want to stay trapped in the repetitive cycle of emotional ups and downs then do what your doing. If you want to move forward an get your emotions in check let him go for now.

[hellokittykitty]

Thanks everyone - especially scout. I know you are all right. I just wish I could deal with it. I just cannot picture not having him in my life this way and I am miserable... I wish he would prove it to me that he actually does care... it's easy to say things but to mean them is different.

 

I know this issue will not and cannot be resolved until the TWO of us are ready to resolve it and right now it is only me... I am learning now that I just do not have the love I wanted and this is such a cruel joke that whoever our maker is would give me such an amazing person and then take him away from me... it's hard to have faith in anyone or anything right now.