Explain this if you can Please..

[spunkykatt]

Why is it that when I let my guard down around my bf and show any type of positive emotion...as in telling him "I love you" ect, he seems to exploit it and becomes a complete bastard to me. He talks hateful to me, and when I confront him he says that he isnt talking that way, or worse he likes to talk down to me and try to make me feel stupid...which I am not, I have a college degree and I have an above average IQ. When he does this, I will put up with it for a few days, then I "snap" and just get to where I really dont care about what he says, thinks or even feels. I become very unattached to him and refuse to talk to him, or show any form of emotion twords him.. Thats when it gets weird, just as soon as I start to pull away and change my attitude (as in f**k you, get away from me) he starts to be caring and loving again twords me. He goes out of his way to show me affection and tells me that he loves me, wants me...etc etc.. So whats the deal, why is this such a pattern with him, and how can I make it stop?? HELP!

 

FYI...The pattern just started all over again, he just called and chewed me out over what?? He said I was b**ching him out because I sent him a email ask and I quote "btw how come is the responses taking so long...." yeah thats it, thats all I asked, but he jumped me and said I was b**ching at him.. I need some advice ASAP!!!

[cal_014]

from wat u hav said it seems as though he just wants you because of the company or wat eva he is getting from you and not actually loving you or careing for you.

[NJRon]

He sounds insecure and controlling. His behavior seems emotionally abusive to me. I don't think anyone deserves to be treated that way.

[Bethany]

You seem to be criticising each other. Sometimes it's not what you say, it's the WAY you say it.

By sending him that mail he feels you didn't trust him enough to know what he was doing the best he could, maybe he was writing something long and personal or just busy but because of your 'hurry up' he saw it as criticism, and that's why he chewed you up.

For example, if he said to you 'I love you but I don't think it's fair that you are rushing me, I was just busy or trying to think of something original for you', would you have taken such offence? I doubt it. It works both ways as you can see.

 

Withdrawing from someone you love can cause even more problems if you want to be together. But I also think that some people don't belong together and it will never work out however patient and understanding you are. You have to decide if this relationship is worth working on or walking away from. Only you know what's in your heart.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Seems like games are being played. Perhaps he just likes to be the one who says where the realtionship will be and doesn't want it coming from you.

 

For instance, when you decide you are feeling warm and want him to know it by telling him you love him, he reverses it and makes you want to say F U. He's not going to let you dictate how things are going. And when you respond accordingly and tell him off or distance yourself, he's not going to have YOU making that decision, so he pulls you back.

 

I agree with NJRon, sounds likes he's controlling.

 

Even if he is unaware he is doing it or the reasons for his emotionally abusive behavior are unknown to him, his type isn't best suited for a relationship. Not saying he's a bad person, but it sounds like he has some things to deal with and he's really not good for someone else right now.

 

I hope you can reach him and work things out.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

oh honey you don't need him. he obviousely has no knowledge of how to respect a women and the second he feels he's losing control over you, he gives you what you want in order to get you to stay. he's manipulative and controlling. no person should make another feel that way, especially your companion.