Just some thoughts for everybody hurting.

[NR498E]

It's been a full six months already since my breakup with my long term gf that I had been living with.I went insane after the initial breakup.I had never been so depressed in my life.I had no idea I could be so emotional and over all stupid.I did everything your not supposed to do to keep her and I havent talked to her in over five months.We were together for about three years and I truly did love her.I felt it in the deepest depths of my soul.

She left me after turning 21, graduating school and about to start a new job.I supported her through everything she did.I paid the biils encouraged her and pushed her to be the best she could be.After she acomplished her goals and saw all the opertunities and what a big world it is out there she decided she didnt love me anymore."Andy I just dont love you anymore,I dont know if I ever did..I think I was just infatuated..blah blah blah." Two of my very close friends just ditched me after she moved out in an obvious attempt to bang her.I havent talked to either of them since she moved out.These are guys I had been best friends with since we were like fourteen.That didnt bother me as much as the fact that she was to stupid to see what they were trying to do.

I was so depressed I could barley eat I lost about ten pounds in the first three weeks.I ended up getting fired from my job not long after the breakup.I was so messed up I couldnt function at work.I moved out of our apartment shortley after she did.I couldnt stand being there without her.It seemed so empty and cold.I broke the lease and told my landlord to take a hike.I moved in with a good friend of mine and lived like a hermit for about four months.I cut myself off from the outside world only visiting my family and a couple close friends.I spent most of my time locked in my room.I wanted to learn everything I could about love,relationships and the human mind.I read several books on these subjects and I have learned a great deal.I am determind not to make the same mistakes that I made with her again.I honestly believe that my only mistake was I treated her to well.I spoiled her and she took it for granted.A friend of mine many years ago said that the secret to a good marriage is to make her laugh everyday.I tried my best to do that.I never lied to her about anything.I never called her a name or degrated her.I never cheated.I was so sure that if I did everything right it couldnt fail.How wrong I was.

While I was locked in my fortress of solitude I concluded that the first thing that needs to change is me.I read a few self help books.(I reccomend "The power of focus" by Jack Canfield by the way)I started to go out more and more.Over the last couple months my zest for life has finally returned.I feel renewed and better than Ive felt in a long, long time.I changed my wardrobe and my attitude.When I go out I talk to everybody in the bar or where ever I am.Im slowly undoing what years of smoking pot and hanging with drunks and losers has done to my social skills.I feel good..I feel like a new Andy.

I still tink about my ex everyday.I often think about my friends that ditched me.I wonder alot about what their reaction to the new Andy will be when I eventualy see them.I still love my ex I wont lie.Just because someone hurts you and leaves you doesnt mean you can just stop loving them.I wish I didnt love her anymore.I wish I didnt miss her anymore.But what is done is done and all that I can do is move on.Everything I do in my life today is still motivated by her.I am absolutley determined to make her regret her decsion.Succsess is the best revenge.

My point in this post is to show you all who have been hurt life will come around.Take all the time you need to grieve.I know you feel like you'll never feel the same again and that life is cruel and unfair.Life is unfair what happened to you probably wasnt justified.You poured your heart and soul into a relationship and that person just walked out on you.Thats not fair life isnt fair but you can rest assure god is fair.Cry all you want.Sit in your room and write in your journal.Write letters to your ex then tear them up.Do what you have to do to make yourself better.You are better for what youve been through.You are learning things that some people will never understand.The divorce rate in this country is about fifty percent, and of the fifty percent that stay together it's estimated that half of those marriges only last because of codependency issues.Those are the people you see that have been married forever but seem very unhappy.So be glad that your learning what your learning because its going to make you a better spouse,lover and friend when that right person does come along.

Your friend,Andy

 

" The pain of giving up is the pain of death,but the death of the old is the birth of the new" Dr. Scott Peck

 

"She left me broken hearted and defeated,but thats ok baby what you did made me stronger,now I get my paper longer" Nas

 

A couple books I read road less traveled by Dr scott peck

The five people you meet in heaven by mitch alboum

The bible

A new beginning by jerry hicks

[Relationship Coach]

Andy,

The world is yours! You have progressed so much sense we first talked, I'm very happy for you and you are truly an inspiration for many struggling with the same issues.

 

Your pain and difficulty steamed from the fact that you did nothing wrong, it makes it harder to heal when you have nothing to blame. The day will come when your paths will cross again. I believe last time was New Year's Day and I think you tossed your eggs, maybe she will return the favor. Good Luck.

 

RC

[luciddreamer]

.Everything I do in my life today is still motivated by her.I am absolutley determined to make her regret her decsion.Succsess is the best revenge.

 

hey andy,

i congratulate you and wish you the best... only thing i wanted to comment on is that the above (quote) doesn't seem to be a genuinely healthy attitude... doing something for revenge means you are still attached to her. Didn't jack kornfield (aren't his writings in a buddhist tradition?) talk about letting go of that and doing things for yourself and being the best you can be for the world around you?

 

take care-

[smartnfun]

Hi, I just joined and I am in a heartbreaking situation and thanks for your posting, it makes me feel like I will get over my situation.

 

Thanks!

[sukerbut]

.Everything I do in my life today is still motivated by her.I am absolutley determined to make her regret her decsion.Succsess is the best revenge.

thats my motivation...eventuallty that motivation will be directed towrds andy and myself, but at this point in time it drives me, fules me to become a better and more complete person.(mentally and physically) even though i know the relationship failing was becasue of her selfishness and immaturity..and it was !!! .i have lost 25 pounds since the break up...and you know what even if she does not give two cents i completed a goal that i have never completed before..i will have a six pacjk this summer and flaunt it in front of her...i know you might think thats shallow, but if it was not for her breaking up with me..i would of never had the drive or determination to get my body back to tip top shape...i want to succeed financially more..just so i can rub it in her face..and you knwo what 4 months down the line..it will not even matter about her, but right now she has started an inferno in me..and yes revenge is very sweet...good living is the best revenge you can have..i am crossing my fingers she gets real fat haha...that will be the cherry on top of the sunday

1

[NR498E]

quote=andy_stone].Everything I do in my life today is still motivated by her.I am absolutley determined to make her regret her decsion.Succsess is the best revenge.

 

hey andy,

i congratulate you and wish you the best... only thing i wanted to comment on is that the above (quote) doesn't seem to be a genuinely healthy attitude... doing something for revenge means you are still attached to her. Didn't jack kornfield (aren't his writings in a buddhist tradition?) talk about letting go of that and doing things for yourself and being the best you can be for the world around you?

 

take care-

 

I can appreciate where your coming from.I don't know if its a healthy attitude or not.What I do know is that whatever motivates a person to be the best they can be must be a good thing.When my father walked out on my mom 20yrs ago that forced her to get up and get back in school.She said that when my father would see all the progress she was making that,that made her feel like a million bucks.

[gratefulpain]

good motivation, be careful not to obsess with her opnion of you...I did that once and the girl moved and never saw the new me....

[healinginnyc81]

andy, thanks for your encouraging post. I'm happy for you, you really sound like you've grown as a person and didn't let this bad experience destroy your life.

I'm hoping to follow the path you've traveled very soon.

 

I like the Nas quote, which song is that from?