All tangled up.. I need insight, thanks

[SuperDuper]

Hey everyone - this seems to be a reoccurring feeling for me.

It's happens less than it used to, but it stills gets to me.

 

You see, my 2 best friends have had girl troubles too, but one of them is now getting back with his ex.. (they've broken up 4 times). My other good friend told me earlier that he's moving on from her.. but right now he's out clothes shopping with her, and my other friend is at his "girlfriends" house.

 

I feel sort of lonely. It seems when I feel this way, the only person I can think about is my ex. I dont' see why i'm so attracted to someone. She's only 15, but I can't seem to shake her, nor the vibe she gives me.

 

Whenever I hear about sex, or think about it.. it's directed towards her. Not all the time, but usually. Is it that I just want what I can't have?

 

I posted the other day about how she asked me to go out for dinner - well she hasnt' made any real attempt to "show" me it meant something. At school today we talked during our lunch break, for awhile.. but nothing out of the ordinary.

 

Why does this girl have such a BIG impact on me? Sometimes I feel that the reason i'm so hooked on her.. is because I felt she would be my first sexual experience... we did thigns, but we didn't have sex. That's far from the reason I like her, but it may have its part.

 

Sometimes I feel that I should tell her I still like her.. but it's been over 6 months since we broke up. I know her response would just be like "....okay?" or something.. make me feel stupid.

 

Maybe she doesn't want a boyfriend, I don't know.. but if she does, I want to be it. Despite how I sound on the forums, I dont' act this way in real life. I'm very calm/collected and when she enters the room I give her a glance and chat to my friends. I still find myself watching her in the cafeteria and stuff like that though.. nothing creepy, but just looking over.

 

 

 

I don't know if this has a point.. but i'm just ranting/venting and i'm hoping someone here can help me out. I really need this, what should I do?

 

Thanks.

[talo]

As I am sure you know Superduper, it is not a good idea to become obsessive about anything, including sex, or a particular girl.

 

One may have strong thoughts or feelings, but do not 'blow them up' by overly focusing on them. At the same time do not ignore or repress them.

 

A lot of life appears to be acknowledging our thoughts and feelings, if not acting on them. Acknowledging is 'being aware of' or 'not pushing away', not denying: this is being truthful with ourself.

 

Being truthful with ourself requires honesty. Honesty may require us to 'go into areas' we would prefer not to visit or revisit. Admitting to yourself that you still have feelings for someone may be the truth.

 

Sometimes honest, felt and truthful action is what is needed to prevent obsession.

 

I am not necessarily advocating this, but sometimes letting another know, in a feeling way, what we are feeling, is necessary to prevent obsession.

 

For instance, if you let this girl know your feelings without any future expectation of her on your part, this would allow you to 'come to terms with yourself'. You would have 'put yourself out there' so to speak, and where this leads is 'up to the gods', again, so to speak.

 

This is only 'useful' if you truly have left it 'up to the gods' and are willing to move on. Moving on is not moving to any 'position' it is just being aware, not being obsessive.

 

Putting feeling 'out there' in a truthful, honest, heartfelt and feeling way is 'feeling the way'. Not feeling the way is being obsessive.

 

Feeling the way sometimes feels threatening. When one feels threatened, one continues to feel the way.