Just wants to be friends or does she?

[detox5]

Hi all its been a while.

 

I been seeying this new girl for around a year, we have had alot of ups and downs and argued alot, down to stupid things.

 

a month or so back she said she just wanted to be friends, she had just split up with a guy that was a very long distance relationship, she hurt him and felt really bad, this dilemer went on for a while. She done it for herself and to start something with me.

 

I guess she either had no feelings for me no more or just wanted to be on her own for a bit, because commin out of a relationship and going straight back in really wasnt a good idea.

 

So few weeks ago she said she just wanted to be friends, it hurt and stuff, but i went with the flo.

 

When she comes to see me with her friend, shes always pleased to see me, and we both can never hide that smile to hide feelings.

 

They come over at times to watch a film and have a nice evening, take in mind whenever we dont see each other we argue, over email and phone and stuff.

 

We did argue alot, i changed to be alot more chilled out and give and take, and was alot more calm with her, but i felt she didnt do the same on her part.

 

Recently, I just got fed up with the whole dilema, and just said to her that i was really bored of her. Soon as I said that to her, she was like totally nice and really made an effort, she called a bit more she made the effort alot more.

 

I really think this scared her, as that was like 2 weeks ago, and we havent really argued since, everything has been real nice, its like she has now changed on her part.

 

Now I have this problem, i think that she doesnt know what she wants right now, or im just in the testing phase, we both called it off a few times, cause of the arguments and stuff, so i think now she dont wanna see me again just in case it falls back the way it did.

 

I think she tries to hide how she feels for me, sometimes when i see her being like horrible, but does it soo blatent to try and hide feelings, when you just make it obvious.

 

We went out recently and she was all flirty with me, looked over alot of times, shes really cuddly towards me, and in pictures when we take them, she always pinching my nose and poking my side.

 

I saw her and her friend on the weekend, they came over again to watch a film, she wore more makeup than she normally does, and she looked real nice, she doesnt normally look that nice.

 

I think she didnt do much that day, so i cant see her wearing all that makeup for any other reason, I thought she did that for me, she dont normally.

 

Im just wondering how to act, i mean ive been friends with someone i liked before, but when getting the vibe she still likes me alot and stuff and getting mixed signals all over the show i need help.

 

She says different things, she said a few weeks ago just give me time, what ever that meant, but this was when i was putting alot of pressure on her.

 

On one side i think that maybe she is just keeping me around cause im the only guy in her life and she dont want to be alone, and likes that comfort and being spoken to nice.

 

But on the other hand i think she wants it just as much as i do, but shes either holding herself back, or she is just confused of what she wants.

 

anyone got some words for me?

 

Ive been holding out for a few weeks trying to deal with this alone, but im just lost atm so i came here

[LostInMyThoughts]

If she says she wants to be friends, then take that at face value.

 

From what you've posted, it sounds like something is holding her back--most likely having gotten out of a relationship so recently.

 

As for pressure, it may not seem like you are putting any pressure on her, but take her word for it. Back off on the being more than friends bit. Let her have time to figure things out.

 

How to act; act like a good friend. Do all the things that a good friend does. Just give her space, and try to be a hella cool friend. The worst thing that can happen is that you end up with a good friend. The best thing is the two of you find each other.

 

I'd say its a win-win situation.

[detox5]

But i find it really hard to give her space, because the moment i give her space and time, she chases me and says like ohh your in a moody with me or something, or she will say how coems i havent heard from you today.

 

I dont want to be just friends, i love this girl more than anything ive ever felt, and it would kill me, Ive even told her i love her.

 

I did put alot of pressure on her a few weeks ago, i just kept on saying to her yes or no, you either wa nt me or dont w ant me, i just want my closure please give me my closure, and she could not do it no matter what.

 

she couldnt give me an answer or let me go.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Things are a lot more complicated to offer an ulimatum like do you want me or don't you want me. Right now, I'd operate under the impression that she DOESN'T want you. Not in a negative way, but just think of it as you and her being good friends.

 

You don't need to give her space necessarily by contacting her less, but definitely by toning your behavior down.

 

If you force her to chose, and she says she doesn't want you, you'll have forced her to close the door and eliminate any real possibility of you being together.

 

Would you rather be with her, knowing she wants to be with you back, or instead be with her knowing she still has doubts and is with you just to prevent losing your friendship?

[detox5]

Well i want her to want me, Im just scared of having that thought that she is just having me round as that only guy in her life for her security and stuff.

 

and she really doesnt let me get close to her, only hugs when we say bye.

 

I just really dont wanna fall into this friendship trap where she is happy with it.

 

I have an idea that im being tested, to see if things would go back the way they were etc.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I guess I was being blinded by my own biases. Right now in my life, I'd rather not get into a serious relationship, and would much rather prefer to make friends with girls than get all tangled with them (getting some is of course a-o-k). As such I'm okay with being in the friend-zone.

 

If you don't want to accept being friends, and you don't think you can wait for her to make up her mind, then perhaps you need to make a decision for yourself. Decide if you can continue to kick it with her and hope that she comes around, or tell her that you want some time to yourself to figure things out. As it is right now, what's going on isn't really working for you. Giving her the ultimatum to decide is the wrong approace in my opinion, and is putting undue pressure on her. Really its up to you to make the choice.

[detox5]

Im going thruogh that phase now, weather to just say look lets call it a day, or s ay to her i need some time alone.

 

But she always misses me after 2 days or so, since we met the longest we have gone with out spoken was 3 days i think.

 

Really love the girl man

 

Is there anything i can look out for, to see if she is using me or that she genuinly does like me?

[detox5]

We have been emailing each other this morning, she knows ive been unhappy this weekend, and she wants to know why, i just said that i cant stop thinking about her, and it wont go away no matter how hard i try, i cant remmeber the last time i got a good nites sleep.

 

she hasnt said much back, but i just wanted her to know how i felt, think this was a bad idea? is this more pressure?

[detox5]

anyone?

[LostInMyThoughts]

Being honest about your feelings is never a mistake, in my book. Even if the consequences of your actions result in something you don't want.

 

It is more pressure, but sometimes its unavoidable.

 

Now that you've said your peace, perhaps its time to chill out a bit, and take this as a time to learn about yourself and grow.

 

There are some good ways to help get your mind of this girl. Try taking up some new activities, hanging out with good friends, making new friends, etc.

[detox5]

Ok well an update, is that end of work, i just said that I cant talk to her for a while, i started asking if she still liked me still and she never does answer.

 

She said she couldnt do this anymore, thing is, in the year we have known each other, we have only not spoken for more than 3 days.

 

So this will be interesting, NC here we come.