talking about herpes

[1824blue]

I've been reading a few threads about STD's and I have a question I'd like to throw out there.

 

Say you start dating someone, when is the appropriate time in the relationship to tell them that you have been infected with herpes before? And if you were the one being told what do you think your reation would be? Anyone been in this situation before?

[Hope75]

Well, if you've been infected with herpes before, than you have it for life, so you would still have it now.

 

You would want to tell him before you plan to have sex, since there is a risk, even with protection, that he could contract it.

[yelloemail]

first of all, let me say i applaude you for taking the initiative to tell someone you may possibly be sexually active with about your status! i would say that i wouldn't tell them on the first date, second, or third. i would definitely wait until the two of you have a friendship first and you feel as though you have a mutual respect for each other. tell him about hsv and that it is common. educate him on the aspect that he does not have to get infected with it if the two of your are careful. i wish you the best of luck and i feel as though that you will be blessed in the area of love in the future.

[yelloemail]

oh, i forgot to answer your quesiton about how i would react. well, it would depend on how i felt about the person. if i was head over heals in love with this person, it would be a small stepping stone for us. however, i would not become sexually active with this person until i was married to them. that is just me and everyone else is different.

[1824blue]

I realize it is a life long infection, and that people who are infected should most definitely tell their partners before having sex, my question is more of a when and how kind of thing. And if it would make them run, or if most people would respect your honesty and continue a relationship. I also want to tell you Hope75 that I think you give great advise.

Especially on Buba's thread, I have been helped a great deal from her's and your words.

[Hope75]

thanks blue.

 

In this case I think it is yelloemail whom has given you great advice:

 

i would definitely wait until the two of you have a friendship first and you feel as though you have a mutual respect for each other. tell him about hsv and that it is common. educate him on the aspect that he does not have to get infected with it if the two of your are careful.

[ocrob]

Herpes is very scary, but it is also something you can only get during certain times as far as I know. I have a female friend that has herpes and we had sex. I did not worry about it because it was not active at the time. I wore a condom so I think it was pretty safe. It has been a year and I am fine. I think that it will freak most guys out, but if they really like you, then they will stay with you and take the appropriate precaustions.

[ShySoul]

At some point in a relationship you will become comfortable enough to talk about sex. At that point, is when its time to tell him, so he can be fully aware of it. Longer you keep it from him, harder it is to tell and bigger an issue it becomes because you grow closer. How to say it, there is no easy way. Just be honest and speak from the heart. He may be unsure of his feelings, he may need time to think things over. Be patient and talk things over.

 

And I also echo the words of yelloemail.

[LiquidCherry]

I found out six months into my relationship with my boyfriend that I have herpes. For what ever reason that's when I had my first break out and our course I told him right away. He kinda freaked out, went and got tested a few times, and came back negative thankfully. He tried to be okay with it but he wasn't. He was scared and would wig out if we had sex which actually was the worst part about having the virus for me. We broke up and I was devastated. My story has a happy ending though. Six weeks later he came back and now we couldn't be happier. It hasn't been an issue since. He's not afraid anymore because he's more afraid of losing me.

 

I'm not an expert really on telling people. You have to wait until the person really knows you and knows that they want something more than just a fling. You also can't really wait too long because eventually the person will feel as if they've been lied too. I think it goes without saying that you have to tell them before the relationship gets intimate.

 

I think that educating your partner that he/she does not have to become infected even if you are careful is being slightly dishonest or at least a bit shady. Educate them about facts and how to reduce their risk. Even with protection, even with medication, even with never having sex during an outbreak there is still a chance that they could become infected. Granted, it's still a very very small chance but I think it's only fair that a person is able to make their own decision and it's up to the two of you to decide what measures you are going to take.

 

I don't really care that I have herpes. What I want in a relationship is unconditional love and if someone would choose not to be with me because of it well, then I doubt they could ever love me the way I want for someone too. Don't ever let anyone put you down or make you feel bad just because you have herpes.

[ShySoul]

LiquidCherry - That was a beautiful post. I am sure it will be a lot of help to those who read it and are in similar situations. I agree, the kind of love that most want is unconditional, and that love will work through issues such as this. It may not be easy, but it can work. And I am glad that your story had a happy ending. Hope things keep going great in your relationship.

[SeaBisquit]

what are the signs of herpes? i heard it comes and goes is this true?

[Shadows Light]

I had a friend who was had it. I also watched as she led guys down the garden path. Never telling them. This irritated me to no end. It wasn't fair that she'd take the choice out of thier hands as the choice was taken out of hers. I couldn't respect that.

 

I think.. that having it. It does slow you down a bit as far as how soon to become sexually active in that relationship. I think you build a friendship.. and see if you are compatible in that manner. And then.. you educate them as much as possible. Gently. And with grace.

 

I applaud you for thinking ahead and for caring enough to protect others. Now that is love!!!

[LostInMyThoughts]

what are the signs of herpes? i heard it comes and goes is this true?

 

link removed

 

As with all things medical and health related, the best advice comes from your doctor.

 

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Wow this is an amazing post.