Saw her tonight with her new boyfriend

[lifeistough]

Some of you may have been following my story, but long story short, she dumped me. I go out on the weekends to the bars in the town. I have done for the past several years. after she dumped me she has been going out too. It's not a big town, and I end up seeing her occasionally.

 

tonight I saw her come into the same bar as me with a guy, they weren't holding hands or anything, but she saw me and had this stupid guilty looking face on her, I said hello, she said hi, and they go upstairs. My nightmares have finally come true. This **** hurt so bad, I am struggling so much. She pretended she wasnt with him. When she dumped me, I told her if I saw her with everyone else, I'd kill him (yeah, stupid thing to say I admit), so she hides it from me. But now I know she is with someone else for sure.

 

How the hell do I get over her when I see her with other people? I'm not going to stop going to bars in town, that's what I do on the weekend. But WHY do I find it impossible to even LOOK at other girls, when she is doing all that ****?

 

Obviously she has completely fallen out of love with me, but I'm still in love with her! It makes me feel so stupid. Why can I not tell her to get ****ed and get on with my life.

 

OK, having written all that I realise there's not a whole great point in this thread. But I am just VENTING

[CluelessGuy321]

Can't tell you for sure man. Whenever I get heartbroke, I drive up the Pacific Coast Highway and listen to Johnny Cash. My friend, who broke up with his GF, started working out a lot.

[Nathalie1970]

How long have you been broken up? Why did you break up? Did she break up with you?

 

I know it hurts, but you need to act like it doesn't, at least in front of her. It will get easier every day, I know everyone says that, but if you keep saying it to yourself then maybe you will start to believe it. Good luck, I know it will be a long night.

[healinginnyc81]

Hey lifeistough, I know too well how you must feel. If you check some of my posts on here, I've been dealing with the same thing:

 

 

The posts and replies will probably be helpful to you. My ex left me for another guy at our college and I see them together everywhere. I always have to put on the front like I don't care. But it really tears me up.

 

There's not a lot I can say to make it better but the only thing I can think is that in the longer term, we'll be better off because we'll have taken the time to learn from this while our ex's have jumped into other relationships and probably haven't thought about what mistakes they made. Also, when we've been dumped we're still in love and we find the other person even more desirable since we can't have them, but they've fallen out of love so of course they're going to move on much faster.

 

I'm really sorry that you have to go through it. We have to see the ex as just another girl. It's going to be a rough ride but I guess it's like we're in boot camp because once we get through this, we'll be that much stronger and wiser.

[Nathalie1970]

Lifeistough

 

I just read your past thread, and the whole story. She could be rebounding and just getting over you, no matter what we all say, you have to do what will help you sleep through the night.

 

Again good luck and chin up

[Need1ozHope]

I feel your pain brother. I hurt for you. The best thing you can do is think she wasn't the one for you. Like me, you are still very young. We have our whole lives ahead of us. Just be strong and concentrate on your self. In time when your "over her", you will probably laugh when you look back wondering why you kept hope for a chick that DUMPED YOU. I am also the dumpee and I have already learned more than anyone can teach. Just analyze all your emotions and know this is how it feels to he heartbroken. Just hang in there... Im exactly where you are at so you are not alone.

[Rayana]

It takes two to make a relationship. The one thng you cannot control is human emotions! These feelings are natural. Give it time and you will feel better.

[friscodj]

It helps to think of all her negative points, and that she will do the same things to this new guy...

[lifeistough]

Thanks to everyone for all the replies.

 

bkjsun. I read your entire thread. Seems we are in a pretty similar situation. Thanks for that.

 

I am best friends with her brother (thats how I met her), and we have been staying up drinking a couple of times this week together. He told me more than I needed to know really (I asked for it though). But basically he said she is using other guy(s) to get over me.

 

She acts so weak and pathetic in front of me. She wouldn't dare hold hands or kiss another guy with me there. When she emailed me she just apologises and says how broken her heart is. Her msn name is ' forever'. I think she just feels guilty for dumping me. About 3 months before splitting up with me she was going on about getting engaged, and hinting at me getting a ring. It all suddenly turned around so fast. Why should I act strong in front of her? Does it matter how she sees me? I don't think I really care how she sees me anymore.

 

For some reason, today, I have been feeling oddly indifferent about the situation. I guess knowing she is with someone else helps me finally get it into my head that this girl isn't coming back. I know the pain will come right back at me and stab me in the heart, probably when I'm lonely, but for now I feel relieved in some way.

[healinginnyc81]

life, I know what you mean about feeling indifferent. I kinda go through the phases of hating her, wanting her back, wishing she could feel my pain, wanting her to feel guilty, and just not caring. There's probably some other states of mind that I go through too. But maybe by seeing her with another guy, we'll get used to it.

But like her brother told you she's going to use other guys to escape the healing period. But that's not likely to lead to a healthy relationship so at some point it will catch up with her and it will be worse. So let's do our healing now. Keep fighting.

[Pikey1972]

I'd second that - it sounds like her behaviour (meeting up with other guys to get over you) is not going to lead to a healthy long-term relationship for her.

 

I know it's hard, but you're definitely doing the right thing by taking your time to get over her and to "feel the pain", as it were. Even though life is hard at the moment, it will get easier for you, and you'll be a stronger person for it, and capable of managing a healthy relationship rather than flitting from girl to girl.

 

Hang on in there, and you'll be fine.

[becallamjr]

I think it's time for you to get even. Obviously she is gonna continue to date and you are gonna continue to see her at the same places. I would continue to mourn the loss, but if she can rebound, why can't you? I know it hurts, but she is disregarding you to make herself feel better, why not do the same? It's easier to get over a breakup when you have someone you can lean onto for some emotional support, plus you just may make her jealous and it may give you control of the situation.

[Nathalie1970]

All my friends give me different advice. Some of them say, let yourself feel the pain now because you will be better off in the long run. Others say find someone now to take your mind off of the ex, so you won't feel bad when they are with someone else or feel the need to call, im or email.

 

I think you should do what you feel ready to do. (The spiteful side of me agrees with becallamjr)