perhaps this should be in the "Confused" forum

[paleoman]

Ok, I guess I am looking for advice for a kind of new situation for me.

 

I haven't posted on these forums in a few years I think; that was after a bad break-up which I suppose I am still dealing with. So here is the new situation.

 

I have been single for almost 2 years now. I have dated very casually but nothing too serious has happened. Well, I went up to visit some friends a few weeks ago and I met this really beautiful women. I haven't been so attracted to anyone since my last serious gf. Well, unfortunately her bf was out as well. My friends gf told me they had been together for 5-6 years. Well, my hopes were pretty much gone but this is where it gets interesting. So she comes over to sit with us and chat (I'll call her Susan). Well, the night went on and I felt that she was kind of flirting with me. Usually I am pretty good at detecting it but it has been awhile. Susans bf was not hanging out with us but being rather distant and sitting with his friends. He didn't seem to mind that she was spending so much time talking with us.

 

Ok, how she ended up coming back with us without her bf is a mystery to me but next thing I know we were back at my friends house listening to music and I was dancing with her. Fast forward a few hours and we are in bed together. I don't know how all this happened but it was wonderful. I won't give all the details but it was one of the nicest times I have had with a women. she told me she was not in love with him anymore and she seemed so sad.

 

Well, I gave her my # and that was that. I saw her again the next weekend but her bf was around so not much of a chance to talk. I think he must of felt something was fishy since he was much more attentive that night.

 

Well, we have been e-mailing each other and getting to know each other better. She basically has not said much about what happened and has offered no insight into the possibilty of something happening between us. My friends gf is friends with her and she said that susan was overwhelmed that night and couldn't believe how loving and affectionate I was and she thinks she likes me but is so scared to change her life around. which being with me would def do. I am making some big changes in the next few months, perhaps going to grad school in europe but nothing is set in stone.

 

I would appreciate any advice from women or men who have been in similar situations. I have a feeling that nothing but trouble and perhaps some more pain for this old heart of mine but I love a challenge, I feed off this type of situation which usually means I am going to get screwed!!

[LiquidCherry]

I've found that a person who cheats on their partner isn't worth persuing. I respect people who respect commitment so to me this girl's behavior would be not only a red flag but also a turn off. If she did leave her boyfriend to start a relationship with you could you ever feel secure in the relationship? All relationships have their ups and downs..

[Bethany]

I think you will all be screwed if she leaves her bf for you seeing as your planning to go to Europe. Please don't pursue her but instead think of all the single European women just waiting for a single guy like you to come visit.

[Dako]

If she cheats on him so blatantly, what would make her any different with you?

[paleoman]

thanks for all the quick repsonses. I agree about the cheating part. It does bother me.

 

I personally have never cheated on a gf of mine although there has been some trying situations. I like to give people second chances.

 

It's obvious she doesn't love him anymore. The problem is she is terrified to break away with what has been her life over the last 6 years. I am the complete opposite of her bf. He is unattractive, crude, uneducated, low class. It shocks me that she is with him but she started dating him when she was young and that is all she knows. I think she was just overwhelmed by me. I am the exact opposite of this guy. And hate to say it but much better looking.

 

I guess I am excited about the chase. I have always been that way. I have no idea how this relationship could work out. I would essentially pull her away from everything she has ever known and I think she may not be able to handle it.

 

Its very sad because she is like this beautiful, fragile creature surrounded by filth and I just want to pull her away from the life she is going to have. Even if she is not meant to be with me I wouold hate to see her go down this path that is slowy ruining her.