what's it like being in a relationship with a alcoholic?

[MCXFactor]

Abuse is not an improvement. Abuse is abuse plain and simple.

 

You have to start getting out of the mentality of faulting and blaming yourself for his behavior. That can make you prone to going back to him. To try to fix things. But in the unhealthy way. It wouldn't be to actually fix the relationship. There's nothing you can do about it. All you can do is stay away from him and try to fix yourself and live your life the best way possible for yourself. And fix those mentalities and perceptions that got you into this mess in the first place.

 

No contact is a good way to stay away from him. Just don't have any contact with him at all. It's best for you and it's best for your self esteem. It might be hard but it's worth it in the end. It's a good way to clear and be rid of losers from your life.

 

A healthy man wouldn't hesitate to help you.

 

Don't let the guilt keep you going back to him. You won't get anything healthy or productive out of that. Just a lot of heart ache. And we'd all had enough of that haven't we. Don't fall for that. Just try to keep your own thoughts in your head the best you can.

 

Try to get some positive thoughts in your head about yourself. Then you can override anything he said about you.

[MCXFactor]

Looks have nothing to do with it and it's a little superficial. He has a disease his looks aren't important. I think the focus could be put on better then that.

 

And yes you may want to have your mental goodbye and your closure but really what will seeing him again bring you. Aren't you just prolonging it. It's better to have it out of the way as quick as you can and do your closure on your own and things you want to do. You can't guarantee that you'll get the reaction that you want. You may be putting yourself in more harm then good.

 

If you want to do a closure thing try writing a letter to him but not sending it. And get out all your feelings that way. At least you won't chance a negative reaction from him. Then you can get your feelings out safely. You really might not be making a wise decision by doing otherwise.

 

This also goes along with the way you've seen him before and that dream having ended. I can tell that you're still struggling with that. Therefore it might make you more prone to things that you're not ready to handle. You're not strong enough to face him. And no one said you had to see him face to face. Why can't you call him or something. I mean if you want to say that final goodbye to him just to rest it for your assured sake. There might not be as much harm there and it might make it minimal. You're on your own terms and grounds then. Just trying to find some ways so you won't have to have direct contact with him like that.

 

It seems like you still have a lot of questions about his problem. Well a lot of them you might have to figure out on you're own or will be left unanswered. It's a complicated thing. But not worth wasting your time over for too long because it's not your problem and therefore your focus shouldn't be on it. Just try to understand the reason why the relationship had to end.

 

Try to get as much of this as you can out of your system. And then move on from it and focus on yourself and continue on your own.

[MCXFactor]

That's the thing about it honey he won't understand it. If he could you wouldn't be where you are now would you.

 

And trying to get him to understand it is a lost battle.

 

I also run and entertain the same thought in my head of how I'd deal with it if I bumped into him. I'm not exactly sure how I'd handle it aside from not speaking to him but I don't spend my whole life planning for it. I don't worry about it like that. If you don't trust your reactions then don't give him any. Just keep to yourself. That's what I do. I just don't think he deserves anything from me that's why I don't do it.

 

And you are complete without him. And you can love again. The kind of love that he offered you is not the same kind of love that you can get. This is not the same kind of love. You can't get can't get anything real from this. You'll know the difference when you hit it believe me.

 

He's not all you have or all you'll ever know.

[Lisa Diess]

good luck to you all. its tough

[Lisa Diess]

in response to your post, specifically: "he's got a weird relationship with beer. he's said and done some mean disrespectful things to me. someone who cares for me would never treat me the way he does. someone who cares for me would never tell me that.

I feel dirty used at times. but at other times i miss him, like him and want to see him and hug him. i think i have to tear myself away from him because he's bad for me. i dont think he's a nice or good person anymore. i think he makes too many excuses and lies too much. i cant trust him. sometimes i cant tell if he's emotionally unavailable or just not that into me or probably both"

 

WOW...all I can say to this is thank god its not all in my head. This is an exact replica of my situation...and it is heartbreaking. thanks for sharing

[TalkThatTalk9]

I know I am late to the thread, but I would like to add my experience..

My ex, since first day we met, had drinking problems. 6 months into dating, I tossed a paper towel at him and it hit hia face. he picked up my cup of pop, splashed it in

my face. grabbed whatever he could and started throwing it. his friends LEFT me alone in the apt. with him seeing how violent he was... I walked home 40 min. crying.

he dragged me up his basement stairs while I screamed and cried begging him to stop, in front of everyone at our house.

he threw a plate of spaghetti at me, I had to duck or it would of hit my face. he then proceeded to flip the recliner and throw a bottle of wine at the wall,

he threw a beer bottle past my head and remote, shoving me into a couch.

 

all of these things he did to me, because according to him, I was running my mouth and was a b****.

his drinking pushed me to those points, and even now listing these off, I still feel they were my fault because I should not of spoken the way I did to him... tht is how messed up he has me.

6 years I spent trying to change him... be good enough that he wouldn't want to drink.

6 years I will never get back

[Ztw]

I know this thread is rather old but I'd like to say something because I just got out of an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. Together 8 years. Everything people posted here I have also gone through. I love him but he will never change unless he seriously decides to get help & stop drinking.. Unfortunately I know he won't. This thread just made me realize soo much. Im very glad I found it.

[angela212]

I want to thank you...from the bottom of my heart. You gave me the strength to make a really tough decision. I said goodbye to the most beautiful and intelligent man...because you made me realize that I can't fix him. He has to want to fix himself and do the work to get there. He is the love of my life but I can't let that cloud the fact that the chaos and drama just isn't worth the pain. You took the time to share your experience and I will be forever grateful. xo