desperate and isolated

[emilyemily]

hey all,

i havent wrote on this fourm for a while as ive been trying to deal with things myself.... ive just come to a point where by now i would have moved on. i just cant seem to accept life!! i know it sounds odd but i think about the earth and space and how it all began and it all kinda freaks me out about how little we know. then i look around me and no one else seems to be worrying. i get really anxious that i cant answer things and it makes me feel really weird and isolated and kinda in a dream world. i know i have the symptoms of anxiety and i no i think way to much and worry about getting things or fearing things like goin mad and loosing control. i just dnt know how i can move on and accept everything like i used to if i cant answer things and become overwhelmed by "life". it makes me really upset and im not at all relgious and believe more i science so i canrt find my answers or accept them in a religious way.... why cant i move on and except im fine and not crazy and look at life through my old eyes. its destroying me and now ive been so down that its annoying my family and bf and now im even trying to defer uni till next year because i feel so down and anxious and life just isnt fun anymore.no one has patience with me they cant see how i cant move on wen i have such a lucky and priveldeged life, they also get annyoed that i cant t`ke there advice and stop searching for answers.. just feel lost, thought to deeply bout things for way to long, and its hard to get back out of it now. just feel scared sometimes, even looking at the stars has freaked me out because i just think about things that could be out there.. can anyone help. i just look around and start questioning everything and constanly internaly chatting about things then cos i cant answer stuff i get freaked and think loads is wrong with me and that im messed up. argh!!!

[coollady1957]

I wish I knew something contructive to tell you at this point. YOu said that you have been trying to deal with this on your own so far. I dont know you age, but I would suggest checking out some counseling. THere are some counselors out there that are for older teens and young adults, that are having difficult times accepting things about life and what we are here for. You sound like you are the point of needing some additional help , other than trying to deal with this on your own. Keep us posted. I am sorry I cant be of much help. But I certainly have concern for you and what you are going through. Hopefully some others here can give you some better insight than I can. And I would seriously if I were you consider counseling.

[Itsok]

You could possibly have an anxiety disorder. There's nothing seriously wrong with you, and it will be alright!

 

Go to visit a counselor and talk to them about exactly what you are thinking and feeling. If you do have an anxiety problem, they can teach you techniques to handle the stress you are experiencing and help you through the difficult time you are having.

 

It will be ok!

[Bethany]

If I were you, I would go to Uni, I think you have too much time on your hands to sit and think. At least in Uni the hussle and bustle of everyday life and making new friends will do you good.

 

Perhaps you could join a philosophy class and find some like minded people to discuss all your thoughts on the Universe etc and who can answer all the nagging thoughts on your mind, It's got to be better than letting your fears and thoughts keep you from enjoying life.

[talo]

Emily, you are asking some very deep questions that may take a lifetime to 'answer'.

 

You talk of accepting and moving on. If you think about it, once you have accepted 'things' or something, then how can you move on? I mean you are 'tethered' to that something aren't you...

 

Life may be seen as accepting things, or moving on; and in either case there is something accepting or something moving on. That something is your self. Trying to define your self is essentially not possible. We define ourselves at best, merely as a convention, to fit in, to function; but this does not really define who or what we are.

 

You may think there is "loads wrong" with you; and this is mere defining, mere thinking. Thinking/defining is 'making this real'.

 

As seen here, a life of inquiry is much different to a life of 'answers' or acceptance of 'answers' or definition of 'how things are' or conclusion. Taking conclusion too seriosly can drive you mad, or at least very anxious.

 

May I suggest a lightening up on the 'drive for answers' or the 'search for conclusion'. This does not mean ceasing inquiry. Inquiry has no end. What has as end is conclusion, answer, definition, 'how things are'.

 

Wishing you the best with and in inquiry,

[millaj]

I'm just like you.. this is generalized anxiety disorder.. I have it too, but I don't take meds for it. b/c i'm too scared to take meds. - I'm priveledged too.. not extremely, but I am pretty spoiled. Sometimes I wish I wasn't, because I always fall back on that. However, I wouldn't want it any other way. - I don't know what to tell you, just know that you are not alone and it could always be worse.

[emilyemily]

yeh i know, i have gernealised anxiety i ahev looked into it, i know i can be strong and move on!. very inquistive mind i know. i think i should stop searching and lighten up too, cos its really annoying me. ive accepted it for 20 years and moved on once so i can see that i can do it. just makes me feel odd thinking in this way, cos seems like everyone else accepts and moves on. im a very high achiever and perfectionist and beacuse i cant answer i think theres summit wrong with me. just had way to much time to think about everythintg possible!! argh! i spose im just a deep person and thats a good quality?? im dealing with my anxiety just need to deal with the fact that i cant answer everything!!!! argh!!

[talo]

Nice to hear from you Emily,

 

There is nothing we can really do about 'how we are'. All we can really do is observe or note how we are and not get too involved in it or too serious about it. This does not mean not inquiring about it or not being inquisitive about it.

 

Being deep can be very rewarding. A deep person is naturally inquiring or inquisitive, and the 'answers' to deep questions are provided by insight or in-seeing or depth.

 

I can 'blow my mind' by wondering or asking myself or inquiring where the universe ends, and then alternately focusing on 'my body in my immediate surroundings' and 'the end (or limit) of the universe'. This activity does make 'all this' into a dream world. And this may be seen as 'the answer', not a further problem.

 

Your anxiety may well be caused by you trying too hard to place yourself in this dream world. Have you ever found or seen yourself in your nightly dreams? It is the same in the waking dream...

 

Wasn't it Shakespeare who said something like "All the world is a stage and we are merely players". In other words, we are just playing parts, acting.

 

We are all only acting here; so perfection is only perfecting technique; and in the perfection of technique, perfection is found.

[emilyemily]

thanks for your help. i feel im growing stronger. since realising i just have anxiety and that i will never answer it, so why keep asking?!?!so ive lightened up abit. guess im just deep and intellegent to ask these things. i think maybe now without mystery to life, wouldnt it be really boring if we knew everything!?!?! the more i lighten up the clearer my mind is. guess im just searching for summit that millions of people have done for thousands of years. lifes just incredible wen u really thing about us surviving on a mass in "space" alone, and nature how it has evolved so much and how it all works together. overwhelming i guess!! thinking of buying this book called the meaning of life, its a lighten up version about what people think, ah well,time i started living i guess and accept the mysterys of life and how lucky iam to have a priveledged one!!! whatever this is all about why not make the most of it i guess. ??

[talo]

thanks for your help.

 

You are welcome Emily.

 

i feel im growing stronger. since realising i just have anxiety and that i will never answer it, so why keep asking?!?! so ive lightened up abit.

 

There is no problem with asking. It is expecting an answer that is the problem. The 'answer' will come in its own good time. Realizing this is what may well be making you stronger or less anxious.

 

Lightening up is being stronger and less anxious.

 

guess im just deep and intellegent to ask these things.

 

Exactly.

 

i think maybe now without mystery to life, wouldnt it be really boring if we knew everything!?!?! the more i lighten up the clearer my mind is.

Yes. Lightening up is emptying/clearing the mind.

 

guess im just searching for summit that millions of people have done for thousands of years. lifes just incredible wen u really thing about us surviving on a mass in "space" alone, and nature how it has evolved so much and how it all works together. overwhelming i guess!!

 

Yes. It is only overwhelming for the mind. It is the mind which is trying to locate you in space. You are really not locatable. Just watch the mind 'going round in circles'. If you think you are your mind you will be 'going round in circles', or in other words, confused.

 

thinking of buying this book called the meaning of life, its a lighten up version about what people think,

 

Sounds interesting.

As seen here, what people think is not the meaning of life; the meaning of life is the living of life.

 

ah well,time i started living i guess and accept the mysterys of life and how lucky iam to have a priveledged one!!! whatever this is all about why not make the most of it i guess. ??

 

Making the most or least of it, is making something of it (the mystery). Living with the mystery as is is not making anything of it.

 

But whatever you make of it, please do not make it into anything too serious .

[emilyemily]

yeh feel like im getting out of my dream state, had a massive walk today and saw the world form a high view point made me see things alot more clearly and at peace. less tunnel vision. just stopping the doubt is great ive decided that the mystery of life is what makes it so great!!! hehehe gonna try new things too like photography and kiteboarding. get me out n about! ahh life is getting clearer. think i went on a bit of soul searching life quest???? well think its maybe made me stronger. xx