It's not the same...

[drjqd112804]

First off.. Let me just say I am 18 years old, male, and gay. My boyfriend is 17 years old, and also gay (obviously). We have been going out for a year and 2 months.

 

I love him more than anything in the world. I would give up anything for him, and I have already given up alot. He feels the same way, he says, and he does give up alot.

 

When we met, we knew we loved eachother from about a week after we were going out. After about 3 months of going out his parents decided they didnt want him to see me anymore. So, naturally, we ran away so we could be together. We ran away from FL to MD.. I stayed for a week and came back to Florida and He decided he would live with his dad. He stayed for an additional 3 weeks and came back to FL to be with me. At the time we were both 16. I was a junior in highschool, he was a sophomore. I dropped out so i could be with him. I know, most of you will be thinking that is Crazy, but it's not and I'm still going to have a great life. Well when he came back we spent almost every night together and by June of last year we had started to fight. I didnt want him talking to any other guys (I get jealous easily) and he wanted to talk to other guys. He wanted to have 3-somes and i kept telling him I dont think he loves me if he wants that. (It's a fetish of his, i finally found out). Well, after fighting alot he started talking to this guy who i will cal Johnny. They were friends in school. He introduces me to Johnny and me and johnny hit it off, and my boyfriend wanted me to have a 3-some with him. Well after saying no alot of times i just gave in and we were going to do it. But it didnt happen. Me and my boyfriend got into a big fight and we broke up. That night i was taking to Johnny on the phone and he comforted me. I noticed that night that i could talk to johnny ALOt and i really liked him. A day later my boyfriend asked me back out again and i said no, because i think i liked johnny, even though i loved my boyfriend. Well i eventually went back out with my boyfriend because i DID love him, but he kept telling me to not talk to johnny anymore, so i said i wouldnt - but i kept doing it bercause johnny really was the only person i really could talk to and relate to, and he was a great listener.. Then johnny kissed me one day while i was hanging out w/ him without my boyfriend knowing.. and i i kissed back naturally.. Well i told my boyfriend, and we broke up for a few days, and then started going back out again. I decided i wouldnt talk to Johnny anymore, he was ruining my relationship with my boyfriend. After a few weeks i couldnt stand it anymore and i went to Johnnys house. My boyfriend caught me and we broke up for a week.. Then we were back together and i promise myself i wouldnt talk to johnny again. A few weeks went by and me and my boyfriend got into a huge fight. We were about to get into a fist fight at a friends house but he left, and intead of hitting me he bashed my car in.. Over 2000 dollars of damage. Well my friends called the cops and my mom came and she pressed charges and he was arrested. He said the only thing that kept him alive in jail that night was knowing when he got out he could see me again.. But i decided i didnt want to be with him - because everyone told me that i shouldnt, and i was vulnerable. This is the first person i've ever loved, i lost my virginity to him.. And i was confused..

 

Well after 3 weeks of not talking to him i couldnt take it anymore. I was severly depressed and nobody was home and i wanted to kill myself. But i decided better of it and called him. We talked and i went to his houe that night and we madeup. That was in about june or july.. So its been over 6 months since it's happened and we are still together.

 

 

But me cheting on him has changed alot. He doesnt like to cuddle with me as much, he doesnt like to kiss me as much, and to be honest - sex is basically something that we dont do anymore. He would rather masturbate to pornogrophy or do it alone than do it with me it seems... And i mean, sex isnt everything, but i've alwys been a firm believer that sex is the biggest way to show affection to someone - you dont have sex with them unless you love them.. and thats how i show affection..

 

Anyways, ever since i cheated on him, things have changed. We still love eachother. I work for 911 now, making 15 dollars an hour, and he works for an answeringservice getting 11 dollars an hour. We live in an apartment with a roommate of a coworker we used to work with, who is an older woman.. We have a joint bank account and everything, and i know we'll be together for a long time, but sometimes he brings up the cheating on him and asks me why i did it.. And i tell him "i dont know.." because i honestly dont know..

 

I love him more than anything and i try to show him but he just cant get over me cheating on him. I understand not being able to get over it, because if it was him who cheated on me I would be the same..

 

But is there any way I can prove to him that I do love him, and i am truly sorry of what i did. I havnt talked to that Johnny person since me and him have started going out again, over 6 months ago...

 

I need help of what i can do... I want things to be like they were before, but they arent the same

[lovecrazy]

Ok first off I am going to say this, You are very brave for being "out of the closet" espeically at a young age!

 

Now as far as the cheated, you have lot going on from what I can tell at a young age. Being a teenager and gay is very hard! So mad props to you!

 

Anyways, you it seems like you made a mistake. And you are paying for it. It shows that your boyfriend is still hurt, and he probably blames himself, because he introduced you two. So you just need to understand, that when trust is lost, that it takes a long time to get that back. I would honestly just tell him everyday that you love him, and support him. and be his friend, and a lover at the same time.

 

It just takes time to get back what you once had!

 

my boyfriend and I are finally getting back to what we should have been.

[drjqd112804]

Thank you so much for the advice.

After fighting w/ him last night and thinking about it until I posted It on here, I decided that is probably what I would do. I have been kind of lazy, not really helping out around house, ect, which causes us to fight - So i have decided i will work more on everything, including our relationship. I hurt him alot, and I know that, and there is NOTHING i regret more. Of everything I have done with him, I dont regret anything. Not dropping out of school, not running away, not having zero friends, not anything. I love him, and he is all I need. And i want to show him that... I dont regret ANYTHING i've done in my life, except that.. I believe in living life to the fullist, and all that junk, and without him That seems impossible. I just want him to know im terribly sorry, and I want him to get over it and at least be a little like he was. Sometimes he has spurts and is like he was before, and during those few hours or so, I feel like i'm in heaven. And then he will start thinking and become how he is now again...

 

He doesnt understand how much I love him. I would jump infront of a speeding train if It would save him.