BF friendship with other girl platonic?

[sabena]

Hello, I have been writing a little bit getting advice on my bf problems and all has been going well, and I even started to read a Paul Hauck book on overcoming jealousy and doing well...until...my boyfriend has becomes friends with a girl (he knew her before he met me about 1 year ago) and he went camping with her (alone) a couple of weeks ago, which I felt a little uncomfortable about but thought, well she is his friend and has been before he met me.

 

Well the other day he happened to mentioned that during their camping trip they had shared her tent because his was too heavy to carry when rocking climbing. Now, I flipped at this swearing at him and walked away, and he doesn't seem to think that there is anything wrong, but I do, I trust that he won't have sex behind my back but I just genuinely feel uncomfortable about him sharing this personal space with another girl.

 

I am being unreasonable here?...He keeps telling me that I should trust him, that he loves only me, only wants me, makes plans for the future but I feel totally threatened by this action and have told him this.

 

 

can anyone help me?

[charmed]

Hi Sabena !

 

Good to hear that you are working on your personal development - that's a very very positive move on your behalf - well done.

 

I have to agree with SwingFox here. I myself am a bit of a jealous puppy! If that were my g/f (though it may be a bit different for the sexes), I would be very uncomfortable - and yes - you should be comfortable. If you want a b/f who talks to no girls ever, and thats what you need, then thats what you should get. Thats the extreem, but you get the idea. You need to be comfortable - and even in the innocence of that situation with his friend, he has hurt you and stirred up insecurities within you. Talk to him - and show him why this makes you sad. He should do everything in his power to re-assure you that it was innocent, and that he will bear your feelings in mind in the future !!

 

Best of luck,

 

~Charmed~

[secret_agent_man]

Sabena,

The fact that you question your actions means you care for him a great deal. Most people would still hate him for it and never question your feelings. That is a respectable trait.

 

I definitely agree with SwingFox here, it's not ok by me. I don't know what's ok by you, but it doesn't seem that it is. That is perfectly understood by most people. It's probably the case where he did not realize that he was crossing the line. BUT, after you deeply discuss this with him, he shouldn't want to cross it again, if only for the reason of not hurting you.

 

Just lay down the law a little. You're not alone in your feelings.

 

S.A.M.

[advise_me3]

I think the situation really depends on the people involved. Do you know this other girl? Have you had much interaction with her or spent enough time with the two of them to gauge whether her intentions are friendship or more? If not, you might very well be misinterpreting what's actually happening because of jealousy or your fear of what could potentially happen.

 

I found myself on the other end of this type triad in college. One of my closest friends at school was a guy and his gf had a real problem with our being so close. Even though I had a bf of my own, she was absolutely convinced that there was something between us. Truth be known, he and I were just great friends. There was never any intent to move the relationship beyond friendship.

 

After she took the time to get to know me and hang out with us more, she realized that there wasn't a hidden agenda. He and I were friends, and neither of us wanted to be anything more than friends. She ultimately apologized for the way she handled the situation. After she and I had forged a friendship, she confided in me that she was uncomfortable because she was insecure about her relationship and the fact that her boyfriend wanted to spend time with another girl (even if it was platonic) was threatening.

 

If they aren’t flirty or doing anything to further your suspicions/concerns, they might just be friends.

[advise_me3]

Oh and about the whole tent situation...

From the circumstances you described, it sounds like it was innocent, but I can understand why you'd feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't want my bf sharing a tent with another girl, especially if I had questions about whether their friendship was completely platonic.

 

Talk to him and let him know that you're uneasy with his being in such close quarters with another girl. It shouldn't come up again, but if it does (after you've talked about it) then he isn't respecting you, your feelings or your relationship.

[Emmylu]

I don't think it's a matter of people's feelings, or trust, or whether there's anything between your bf and the girl. I think what he did was simply socially unacceptable. I may be old fashioned. But I think a true gentleman would have stayed out of his friend's tent, if not out of respect for her, then out of respect for you. Society is a lot more "liberated" sexually nowadays. But if people take the attitude that "anything goes", then relations lose dignity and someone's bound to get hurt at some time.