Why do exes want to stay in contact??

[ginger25]

Hey, I'm not gonna relay my story cos frankly it's beginning to bore the pants off me nevermind anyone else!

 

Was just reading everyone's stories about NC after breaking up etc...and wondering, if the person breaks up with you because the circumstances aren't right, or whatever, why would they feel the need to keep in touch? Has anyone ever done this?

 

I guess I could understand if they weren't in love with the other person anymore and wanted to remain friends, or had a long history together...but do people sometimes do this for another reason?

 

A few yrs ago a boyfriend broke up with me and didn't want to stay in contact initially. Then the tables turned when he decided he'd changed his mind but I didn't want him back..since then he has decided it upsets him too much to speak to me?! Do u reckon it's all about control?!

[red10]

i just recently...well, 2 days ago, cut it off with my ex - he came to see me and tell me that he wants to pursue a relationship with an old college friend who just got out of a divorce with a kid, and she wants him - so he decided to tell me, and i told him before if something like that were to happen i wouldn't be able to just be his friend...he picked her over me, but when he was leaving he was crying so hard and telling me that he loved me - still wants to be friends...it is confusing, i guess some people really want just a friendship and nothing more, i personally don't think it's fair, if one is still in love with the other, why should we watch as the love of our life goes out to find love elsewhere? both people need to really want to just be friends and nothing more to make something like a friendship work.

[ginger25]

I think u are right, it seems a bit selfish to me. I think u have definitely done the right thing though, sounds like it could have gotten quite messy. Wouldn't it be great to be one of those people who can just walk away and show no emotion whatsoever towards the person who dumped them...maybe they only exist in songs?!

[red10]

haha...yup. what happened to me felt like it was right out of a movie - he catches up with an old friend and they become lovers....but it makes me sick to think of that, and i do not want to be around to see that - he knows where i stand, and that's it.

 

i wish i could have even pretended to be happy and walk away - i'm sure that would have gotten to him...oh well, damage has been done, so time to move on!

[ginger25]

well console yourself with the fact that it doesn't exactly sound like it will be a Hollywood ending if she's a divorcee with a child...?

 

good luck

[red10]

thanks, good luck to you too.....

 

honestly, the reason i think people can go back and forth of NC is because there's always going to be "what if" - some people just can't let it go, even though it is so hard. and some people are always thinking what if something is better that what i have now - it's whether or not action have been taken, there are many married couples that are happy with each other, even though maybe they at some point felt like there might be something better, it's what you do with what you have.

[Frangipani]

Well, from experience, you can't'stay friends with someone you are still 'in love' with, especially if they are seeing someone else. In time you can again, once those 'love' feelings dissapate, but not until then. It's just too hard.

 

They don't want to lose you but don't want you either. Sorry dumpers...that's the price you have to pay for a while until the person is over you. Otherwise its just cruel for the dumpee.