Why did he end things so suddenly?

[ginger25]

Sorry guys you might have read my other recent posts (both about the same subject) but it is still preying on my mind and I feel as if I need to explain the whole situation to get some real insight, particularly if anyone has been in a similar situation..so here I go again!

 

I got out of a four year relationship two years ago, which was wonderful while it lasted and I was broken hearted when it ended. Anyway, since then I haven't had any real feelings for anyone.

 

I went on holiday about 6 months ago and met someone, who swept me completely off my feet. I tried to be cool about it cos I've had hol romances before and know that they often aren't the real deal. However, we clicked from the beginning, he did all the chasing, we spoke on the phone every night when we got home and I agreed to meet up with him. We spent 3 perfect weekends together and I knew from the first weekend that I was really falling for him, although I didn't make it obvious, but he told me that he was on more than one occasion.

 

However, after the third wkd he seemed really stressed when he called me, and I asked what was wrong, I kind of pushed him into explaining himself as I hate leaving things unsaid. The problem is, we live 3 hours away, he is studying medicine and he was worried we would become too attached to eachother, which I knew would happen but since it had already I was prepared to at least give it a chance. He has had LDR's before and said he didnt want to do it again and then started making excuses about the footie season starting again so would need sat's free etc..! I simply couldnt understand what he was saying, or how his feelings towards me could have changed practically overnight. He said he thought we should try and get on with our own lives because it was too hard to be with someone who wasnt there all the time and he couldn't "let me in" emotionally when I wasn't there in person. I accepted this although I found it really difficult, which surprised me considering the short length of time that we'd known eachother.

 

Anyway, since then he has kept in contact with me quite regularly but never really mentioned what happened between us. I have made it clear I care about him, though perhaps not the extent of my feelings for obvious reasons. All he ever says to me is that he thinks about me a lot. I have recently told him I can't keep in contact anymore because I need to move on, which I know is the right thing. He was ok about it and said he had just wanted to keep in touch in some way. I felt like saying why? What is the point?!

 

I guess my main question is, can anyone interpret his reasons for ending things so suddenly?! I consider myself to be a pretty level headed person and my head is telling me to move on but my heart just won't let me!

 

Really sorry for the length of this and I hope I don't sound like a complete loon...I promise I'm not really!

 

thanks for listening

[DN]

I think he realised that the chemistry was not there for him - or at least was not the same for him. It is hard for you bit I think you should accept that it did not work out and try to get over it as soon as you can.

 

In your next relationship try to take things a little more slowly and don't get too attached too soon. Let things grow naturally and not under the pressure of holiday romance turning into a ldr. Better to see someone regularly and get to know him properly.

[ginger25]

thanks for the advice, I know you are probably right. Although I hate to admit it I think I do get attached to people too easily and I definitely find it difficult to let go and end things.

[Relationship Coach]

I've had hol romances before and know that they often aren't the real deal.

 

You knew this yet you allowed yourself to believe it would be real because you lowered your walls and felt something again. He probably never intended it to go beyond the three weeks and enjoyed your company while he was with you. If he really wanted a relationship with you he would find it with in himself to try. That says nothing bad about you or him. The important thing here is YOU! You felt something again and that in itself makes your entire 3 weeks worth it. I see this as a positive event which has proven to you that you are ready to have a relationship. Good Luck,

 

RC

[Itsok]

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. I think he was being honest when he said he didn't want to the LDR thing again, and not that he wasn't attracted to you, etc.

 

However, I would recommend doing NC because it's just too hard to have to wonder what's going through his mind whenever you talk.