I keep having dreams about my ex......

[bryan]

My ex and I have been broken up for about 2 months now. The breakup was the hardest thing for me because my ex just wasnt happy and had met someone else that she said she already loved. She had sex with him the same night she broke up with me. Well, her and I talked about things 2 weeks after the breakup but then I just told her it was better we cut all contact because my feelings are still strong. Its been several weeks now with no contact in any form. I work at the same building as her too and I dont even see her there. She is doing her best to stay out of my life.

 

So here is my thing. I have been doing fairly good at moving on- meeting new girls, getting numbers, and staying occupied by hanging with my closest friends. I even do the things that my ex and I used to do together such as gambling, dining at the restaurants my ex and I enjoyed, and even taking vacations. The problem I have been having is that I feel like I have been moving on, but every morning she is the first thing I think about. I have a dream about her every night. Sometimes it is of me beating the crap out of her new boyfriend, and others it is her and I back together. But every morning I think about her! And this has occurred every morning since the breakup! I dont really think of her when I go to bed, but what are my dreams telling me? I have come to realize that my ex and I were two different people all togther so that has helped me to move on. But, why am I still having these vivid dreams? These make it so hard for me to try to move on. Is something telling me that I miss her? Am I trying to cling onto false hope? Thanks for any feedback!

 

Bryan

[secret_agent_man]

Bryan,

Realize that it's sort of a natural thing. Your dreams come from your subconscious, and she's going to be stuck in there for quite some time. That's just how it goes. You can't forget sometimes. I'm sorry to hear of your break up, but realize that it's for the best. I know youv'e heard it before, but it's the truth. She fell out of love with you, and that can happen, but it's better that she realized it and didn't make her own life unhappy by being where she didn't want to be.

 

The dreams are probably gonna hang around, but it means that you're still angry or confused. Not necissarily at her or him, but at the situation. Try to remember all the good things, and how much your experience with her changed your life. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger...

 

The best approach to getting over things is to keep your friends close. Spend a lot of time with the ones you really know and care about. They always give you what you need. Let them take you out at night and have a good time. Although your relationship has ended, realize that she does want you to be happy. You're allowed to be. Take time for you, and trust that you dont NEED her to complete you.

 

Good luck.

[crookster_man]

Trust me what you are experiencing is completely normal. I to suffer from the odd dream and every morning my ex does cross my mind. This is completely normal. I'll tell you why this happens.

 

You see you are consciously trying to put the ex behind you, this is good. You keep your mind occupied during the day thinking and doing other things. However when you sleep your control of your mind goes with it. Thus any repressed emotion or unwanted thoughts are released. This is your minds way of flushing out anything stored up in there.

 

I know it sucks to feel like that in the morning, but once you regain control you are back on track no? Trust me after a while your mind will be conditioned to not think about her. You won't have to repress thoughts of her, they will simply not occur. This is when you will be free of the dreams and morning thoughts.

 

This is all a part of the process, anyone suffering heartbreak go through this. Some faster then others, but don't worry, it's normal.

[Baffler Meal]

I just got pulled out of the rough seas into the same boat you're in, bryan. It has been less than two weeks for me and from some of the stories on here there seems like there is no end in sight, but somehow we have to keep going and stay occupied.

 

I wish there was some kind of advanced cybernetic machine so we could swap dreams. I could dream about your ex and you could dream about mine, people we don't really care about at all. We could wake up refreshed thinking."what the heck was that about?", and have a more normal morning.

 

Your brain needs time to process the new situation when you dream. These guys on this thread are on top of things: listen to them. In my case, I was with my girlfriend for 10 years and she is all I have ever known. She just moved away one day when I wasn't there. I may never know where she went. Imagine my utter confusion: the brain just goes haywire. This crap ain't going away anytime soon. I keep coming up with all sorts of paranoid, strange thoughts and there is no evidence to disprove them.

 

Everybody I have heard from who has had someone they really love leave them has reported on the dreaming and the sleep problems. I wish this sort of phenomenon was popularized in the media. I knew you missed people when they are gone but I always thought it was like the way you miss a discontinued snack item, except worse. It's not. (Maybe I should write a country song called "I Never Missed My Favorite Jerky like I Miss You.")

 

I guess we have to trust all these folks who say it gets better with time. There may be no solution and no alternative; It is a shock to the system and your chemistry simply needs time to re-equillibriate. In my opinion these dreams have no real signifigance to our waking lives. One member here, "cruisin", compared my experience to a major, bad LSD trip, and I'll be damned if that isn't dead on. You can't effectively think your way out of something like this. You have to wait and you have to suffer. The only possible alternative I see is to be in an alcohol-induced stupor all of the time, but drooling and vomiting is just not my style.

[whatisthis]

My ex-boyfriend and I had a very rocky break up last year in July, still now so many months later I have these strange dreams about him. It always involves him getting back together with me or some sort of reasoning showing it could never work and why. I feel very guilty about these dreams and often wonder if subcon part of me still has feelings for him. I won't pretend that I am still hurt by what happened in the relationship. Its strange because I do not feel this way about him, I am in another comitted relationship with someone to whom I care for enormously.

 

I came accross your page in a google search for answers to the same question. I guess it proves utterly we are not alone in our thinking. I am sure you bounced back from your mishaps.

 

all the best.