leelee123 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 I think Im ok to let this go but would like some feedback. I love him to death, we talk about marriage all the time , I just have a problem with the lie he told me...even if he thought he was "protecting" me.. here goes: my bf signed up last week on myspace (supposedly) and last wednesday he was telling me about it... I asked him during the day if he got in touch with anyone, he told me know and something inside just didn't feel right...so when we got home i asked him if he talked to to anyone in there i know his password and saw that he messaged some girls , made some comment to one of them that "she could have had the title"..inappropriate to say the least... and he had joined over a week before, so he lied about that too anyways, i let it go, all i wanted was for him to be honest with me about who he talks to--Im on there too so I can't say anything about it, plus I really dont care, I do trust him. Anyways, he then promised he would be honest with me and that was that--then thurs and friday he wasn't on myspace at all from what I could see well friday night..he left the house for a few minutes (we live together) and left his laptop up...i checked my email, had a myspace message and pulled it up on his internet...well a fake email was in there (it saves your email address that you log in with)..so i wrote it down to check later It came up later that night..he told me that he set up a few b/c he has a few hotmail accounts and can't remember passwords or something like that..we then got in a huge discussion about trust and he layed into me..that i dint trust him whatever--he really went off on me actually for..it ended up being a good talk and all but still so sat morning i log in and searched for this "fake email" and sure enough he set up a fake profile, 26 years old from another state i called him on it and we had it out..i told him if he EVER lied to me again, im gone and that i CANT Trust him if he's going to be shady...he told me it was just to look around and thought i'd get mad (even after the talk we had earlier that week) and i told him that its shady if he's in there under "secret " names and i could'nt believe he'd lie to me he freaked out, was afraid of losing me over it and apologized and said it will never happen again its going to be tough not to wonder for a little bit, but i think it'll be alright -- thoughts?? Link to comment
Boricua7 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 You have to question his intentions for wanting to keep something as silly as creating a fake profile from you. I mean, is he contacting girls and seeing them secretly? You're right, this is shady. Someone who has nothing to hide would never act the way he is. I hope that he does not lie to you again but (I'm sorry) he probably will. If he truly has no intention of being with another woman, tell him he needs to tell you why it is that he is doing what he is doing and not to give you any more bull$hit answers. Tell him you would rather him tell you the truth even if it hurts then to catch him in a lie because it would hurt you more. Hopefully he will realize that if he is not honest with you he will lose you, if not...tell him! Link to comment
starfish Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 My experience: when a guy starts telling you that you don't trust him enough, then that means you are probably right in trusting your instincts, because he sure has something to hide. Link to comment
leelee123 Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 His feelings are not completely unjustified in the situation. I can't just trusts omeone off the bat and it took me some time to get to a point where I could. That bothered him so much, b/c he's such an "honest guy" and would never do anything to hurt me. Then I get to the point of complete trust and this happens. I would not have looked or checked up on him had I not had this intuition that somethign was wrong. I really dont want to believe that he's hiding more--judging by what I know of him and how we are together. Im not naive, and have been cheated on in the past, but I really do think this could be the one for me, I just NEED to know why he lied. Im going to talk to him tonight about it. Link to comment
Boricua7 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Talking to him is the best thing you can do. If he is indeed an "honest guy" then he will tell you the truth so that he does not hurt you as opposed to letting you find out on your own and it hurting you more than words. Let us know how it goes! Link to comment
leelee123 Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 I talked it over with a male friend, that is close to us both and he seems to think he was just trying to avoid an argument. He's actually known him longer than me and is baffled by it. That makes me feel a little better actually -- to get a man's perspective that knows both of us, very well. Thanks for your advice -- you are wise beyond your years Link to comment
Boricua7 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Aw thanks! That makes me feel good because I always hate my advice being disregarded or taken differently simply because of the fact that my profile says "Age: 18". It does sound innocent. It's nice to get confirmation from someone who is outside of the situation but still has a clue because he knows both of you. It is hard when you are a person who finds it hard to to tell when you should trust someone and when you should go with your gut. It feels like everytime I finally ignore the little voice in my head that says "think the worst", something bad happens. Then again, I have to admit my bias in that I tend to remember the times that confirm my beliefs instead of all the times my gut was proven wrong. Maybe it's the same for you. I don't know. Again, let us know how the conversation with your boyfriend goes. I hope everything works out! Link to comment
Vanilla Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG... by the way, how do you know this friend isnt covering for him?? When you catch a man lying about things like that it never ends up well... I wish you the best of luck with that....but dont be naive and I do hope that if you catch him lying to you again that you will leave. Link to comment
leelee123 Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 I let him know everything, how I felt and he was very receptive. He understood how bad it looked, but wanted to avoid a fight so he set up the fake profile. He said he would use a legit one and never lie again. He apologized and reassured me that he doesn't lie to me about anything else and I believe him. He's never given me reason before to doubt him and we do have a good relationship so Im glad I said how I felt and he completely understood. Oh and I also talked to a female who knows us both well..and she said it was probobly nothing as well, so I really dont think there is any covering going on. Thanks for everyone's advice. Link to comment
Boricua7 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Oh thats awesome that you did talk! I'm glad to hear everything worked out! Link to comment
leelee123 Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 He felt really bad and actually was cute last night. I feel so much better now Link to comment
Boricua7 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 All I can think of to say is "Yay!" Link to comment
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