Has anyone returned to a cheating partner?

[summerpeach]

Yes, I took my cheating ex back. We were together one more yr and it was the longest most torturous year of my life. You have a better chance of winning the lottery before trusting a cheater again.

[Censored]

^ Been there, same result.

 

I thought i could trust again, but nope. Couldn't do it, but didn't want to quit it either. What a freaking nightmare.

[skyblue1]

My ex cheated on me 6 years ago and he had a cheek to come back into my life a month ago asking me back i say NO thanks. You will never trust him again. I wouldn't

[teknoise]

I went back to my ex-wife after she cheated. I got suspicions that she was cheating again so I cheated on her a bunch of times with a couple randoms girls to preemptively be on the same page as her had she cheated. I realized what dumb logic that was, and how I had no trust for her and a relationship without trust is pointless so I took off. Turns out she was indeed cheating afterall.

 

I don't go back to cheaters anymore. Seems like a silly concept when there are so many beautiful single women out there. Why the hell stick with one who disrespects you? Seems sadistic.

[catwalk]

Tried that when I was younger to! Within months he had cheated on me with his ex again and I was done!

 

If your guy is sleeping with their EX, they won't figure out they are unhappy with each other until they try a relationship again. My ex ended up going back to her - for about 6 months until they broke up horribly! He begged to come back and I told him to piss off! We are civil and friends again now, but he can't manipulate me anymore.

[dazedconfused]

Yes, I did. I found out about a year ago, consulted a lawyer, had papers served asking him to leave the marital home and advising I will seek a divorce based on adultery. It was not a long standing emotional affair - just one night standS here and there. We have 2 young children. Anyways, he was, of course, very contrite, apologetic, whatever. I was having none of it. So, what am I still doing here? Well, he started individual counselling to find out why and how he screwed up. Turns out he was a sexual addict before we met, and had been fighting depression for many years without ever being diagnosed. So, he started medication, and is still continuing with the therapy. We are also going to individual couple's therapy. I went on some very good advice that now makes sense to me - couple's therapy is not to build your marriage up again at all costs, it's to try and get resolution on the issues and get to a point where you can make a clear decision on what's best for you to do. So, we are slowly, very slowly making our way back to each other. No, the trust hasn't fully been regained. But, he is really, really trying. He has been consistent, dependable and open about emails, where he is, etc and keeps asking me what else I need to be able to trust him again and does it without question. Am I being a stupid fool? I don't know. Now that the meds have kicked in, I can see the fog lifting and he's acting more like the person I thought I had married. I don't know if it will last, and I have awful moments of panic where I think what the hell am I doing. There are times I truly hate him for what he has done, and times when I think our relationship is more "real" than it has been before. And, while I was the voice of the majority saying I would never, ever take back a cheating partner, when children are involved it's certainly harder to make a decision, especially if you see your partner trying to make things better. I wouldn't do this a second time with him, obviously, and I still haven't fully recommitted to him, but my original decision to leave him is not as clear cut anymore.

[Penthouse_Suite]

To answer your question-yes, I have returned to a partner who cheated. I have posted my story here before under another name (Cheshire_Cat).

 

I am NOT weak; am not needy, am not a SAHM (nothing wrong with that). My kids are grown, I am financially able to support myself, and I have very supportive family.

 

Why stay?? I have spent 9 years with this person; He was my first over 25 years ago, and I know he is sincere in his (however flawed) remorse.

 

We are all human; I have forgiven this mistake; It has cost us friendships that were long-lasting.But in the end, all that mattered was us.

 

i will never forget, and I still struggle. But I am choosing my own path here-if things don't work, well, I have to move on. But I know that what we have is the real thing.

[lansingway]

stuck around until I concluded she felt no remorse and couldn't be trusted. I finally walked away

[cs90453]

I tried to reconsile but she didn't seem to show any remorse and gave me ultimatum so I said no and we ended it. I even feel better about the decision to end it. Feel that it's easier to start a new than try to fix what we had...for both of us.

[Gracelove]

Nope, not me. Although I stayed with a partner I knew was cheating once.

[littlestar]

been cheated on and lied to, went back to him, never worked out, to many trust issues.

[lansingway]

I did. Did not last. No trust. Lying never ended. no honesty=no relationship

[thejigsup]

I am doing just that. The jury is still out. I have lost a lot of trust and he thinks everything is great now. This may or may not work out. Either way, I'll be fine.

[web_surfing_supe]

I have. It sucks. You never really trust them again. It turns you into a paranoid person, a person you can barely stand. Not worth it. The betrayal is just too large.

[Eire1]

I was cheated on way back in high school. The girl cheated on me with two different guys (at least) while I was with her. I didn't know about it. She dumped me, and then I found out about it about 6 months after we broke up. She wanted to get back with me two years later when she found out her best friend had a crush on me - I said 'no thanks'.

 

In college my first real love, whom I lost my virginity to, had a year-long affair - we'd been together for three years. I split with her and spent about 6 months apart, and then we got back together. She really felt bad about it all and really wanted me back. We eventually got married and have now been so for about a decade and it's been nearly 20 years since we began dating (my Freshman year in college).

 

I suspected at some point about 5 years ago that she might be having an affair, but it may have just been paranoia on my part. I love her and am 100% confident that she loves me back.

 

No one is perfect and no two people are the same. I don't think you can just make a sweeping generalization about everyone who cheats. The girl who cheated on me in High School was TROUBLE. Infidelity was in her blood. I knew better than to give her another chance.

 

It's not the same with my wife. She is a wonderful person. I truly admire her character and believe that she can be trusted.

 

I believe I read that more than half of all married people admit to having had at least one affair. This does make you think that this "ideal" we seek in a partner is unrealistic on some level.

 

A book that I read that helped me to wrap my head around it all is: Sperm Wars: Infidelity, Sexual Conflict, and Other Bedroom Battles

link removed

 

I promise that if you read this book, you'll NEVER see infidelity the same again.

[helplesslyhoping]

My parents just celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary.

20 years ago my father filed for a divorce. He had had 2 affairs. 1 physical, one emotional.

I have no idea why, but he stopped the proceedings and they started going to counceling. It took them years to find their way back to one another, but they did. They would tell you themselves that they are happily married.

 

I on the other hand took back my husband after an emotional affair. He claimed that he had ended it. I found out over the week end that was a lie and he's had contact with her for the past year. He moved out Monday. I am at a loss at this point.

[Eire1]

My parents just celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary.

20 years ago my father filed for a divorce. He had had 2 affairs. 1 physical, one emotional.

I have no idea why, but he stopped the proceedings and they started going to counceling. It took them years to find their way back to one another, but they did. They would tell you themselves that they are happily married.

 

I on the other hand took back my husband after an emotional affair. He claimed that he had ended it. I found out over the week end that was a lie and he's had contact with her for the past year. He moved out Monday. I am at a loss at this point.

 

I'm really sorry for your loss. I know from experience that it is one of the most devastating things that a person can face.

 

My heart goes out to you. Keep your chin up.

[helplesslyhoping]

I'm really sorry for your loss. I know from experience that it is one of the most devastating things that a person can face.

 

My heart goes out to you. Keep your chin up.

 

Thank you for your kindness

[Eire1]

Thank you for your kindness

My advice would be to try and stay busy. Exercise really helped me - it helps you to rebuild your self-esteem and simultaneously stimulates your serotonine levels.

 

I sometimes walk into the nautilus feeling beaten and depressed, and leave walking on cloud 9 - like I'm God's gift to women.

 

Just don't beat yourself up - you're not alone. Just about everyone around you has suffered through this at some point. All your immediate insecurities, doubts, and fears are completely natural. But it will get better in time. Just stay busy.

[runningalong]

I found out that my wife of nearly four years has been having an affair since January. I'm thinking that I'll probably get a divorce but I'm giving it a few weeks to be sure. It seems to me that she's sending a pretty strong signal that she wants out. There are no kids involved and I'm in my mid 20's. Why should I work hard to try to get past this when it obviously doesn't mean that much to her?

[Star14]

I have. It sucks. You never really trust them again. It turns you into a paranoid person, a person you can barely stand. Not worth it. The betrayal is just too large.

 

I completely agree. Your situation might me different, but from my experience if they are capable of doing it once, there's nothing stopping them from doing it again- they just get better at hiding it.

[Eire1]

I found out that my wife of nearly four years has been having an affair since January. I'm thinking that I'll probably get a divorce but I'm giving it a few weeks to be sure. It seems to me that she's sending a pretty strong signal that she wants out. There are no kids involved and I'm in my mid 20's. Why should I work hard to try to get past this when it obviously doesn't mean that much to her?

I'm really sorry about your situation.

 

I think that if a person cheats, the ball is in their court to send out the right signals and win back the cheated.

 

If she doesn't come grovelling back to you pleading for you to forgive her and to take her back then she doesn't want you. That's my rule of thumb.

[Gracelove]

but i told him to kick rocks

 

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dove]

For those of you who have gone back to a cheater, please tell me how and why you did it? I am in a situation where I was the one who was lying/cheating and I want to do anything I can to save the relationship. Any advice will help. I know that I would never cheat again

[JennyNifer]

I too would love to know the thought behind the one cheated on. I made the horrible mistake of cheating and want nothing more but to fix it. This was way out of character for me and I can't believe I did it. The first thing I did was call him the next day, I was totally honest about what I did and now we are in this holding pattern where he doesn't want to break up (yet), but wants nothing to do with me (for now). He refuses to talk to me and gets angry if I try to contact him. It's been two months and I am not sure if I am just being stupid thinking he could possibly forgive me.