Curious and Confused

[wiguy20]

Sorry this is so dang long... I've been bottled up for too long

 

So basically I've been driven here in search of advice about my sexuality - I feel like I can't talk to anyone I know personally!

 

Here's my background: I was raised Christian - my family are still avid church goers - very anti Homosexuality.

 

Basically the story goes like this: I was a typical horny kid. Up until the 5th grade I thought women and * * * * were pretty spectacular. My first "experiment" happened the summer before 6th grade: I was at my cousins and we were sleeping in the same room and "wished we had girls to mess around with" but that led to mutual pleasure/anal penetration -- this was something totally new and unexpected but also brought much pleasure and curiosity.

 

On my 12th birthday, me and my 2 good friends were having a sleep over and were digging through my parent's bookcase to find anything sexual. One book my mom had rented from the library for me was a book about sexuality. One of the paragraphs in it talked about homosexuality, and how it is normal for young boys to experiment. Well thinking back to the fun me and my cousin had that summer, I talked my friends into messing around - we jerked off and had anal penetration - all in the name of sexual experimentation. Now one of my friends was kind of creeped out by our experimenting - the other one wasn't.

 

All during 6th, 7th, and 8th grade me and my friend messed around maybe once a month or so, getting to the point of oral sex and anal sex. BUT we never kissed, hugged, even THOUGHT about a "gay relationship" -- heck "gay" was still weird... we were just messing around purely physical. Now I later came to realize that we were on two different levels - he was very interested in women, and I just wanted to have fun. We'd usually "initiate" our acts by me suggesting we look at porn (of women, because that's what he preferred) and we'd go from there – I was the domineering one in our little adventures.

 

During my Jr. High years I'd convinced myself that I was gay - I would go on gay chat rooms, and look at gay porn. During my summer visits at my cousins I also had more anal and oral sex with two of my cousins - yeah weird I know (I regret it now) but it was action!

 

One day I had written in my journal that I was gay and liked sex with men... well I kinda left that out in the Family Room where I had spent the night on the couch and my mom picked it up and read it. This resulted in me and my Dad (I was totally oblivious) taking a trip to the nearby Big City and getting a hotel room where we talked about it one night... Because of my upbringing I was COMPLETELY embarrassed and very ashamed that I had been discovered and told my dad (so we could go home) that it was just messing around and that I wasn't really gay.

 

In ninth grade, me and my friend messed around once, but then he told me that he had a girlfriend that he would much rather have sex with. I was devastated - I had lost my only connection to gay sex (I lived in a small town, and wasn't very popular). Now meanwhile in ninth grade I was also starting to become very attracted to girls -- I had a girl friend in 9th and 10th grade and also my senior year of high school. Most all of my friends in high school were girls (don't know how that happened but…). But because I was raised Christian I felt it my moral obligation to not have sex with them or even mess around.

 

However, at night I couldn't help but jerk off to gay porn. I was extremely attracted, aroused, and physically attracted to men.

 

Okay so now we're getting to the dilemma. I'm a sophomore in college now. I have a great girlfriend and a great "heterosexual" lifestyle. Although people in high school made fun of me being gay, I've now proved to the world that I'm not. And I've almost convinced myself too.... except that when I'm with myself, I masturbate and fantasize about gay sex. But as soon as I am done getting off, I feel guilty – I suddenly find the porn dirty and gross and I say "why do I watch this?" As many times as I tell myself "I'm not going to look at gay porn, I'm a straight person," I go back and look at more porn (yes I know how addicting porn can be)

 

I can't figure out if this obsession with gay is really a calling to gayness, bisexuality, or if it's just my insecurities finding an unnatural outlet. These are the two "I'm not really gay rationalizations I've come up with:

 

1) I've never had sexual experiences with females – My current girlfriend and I agreed about no sex until marriage. However, we do stray from that a bit and are starting to mess around now – but still nothing of any monument yet (hopefully we'll be going below the belt soon!)

 

So, I rationalized that since my first and only sexual experiences have been with guys, that is all I know about and what I feel comfortable about. I consider that once I have sexual experiences with women, most of my homosexual desires will diminish.

 

2) The only real reason I like gay porn is because I fantasize about having bodies like all the twinks & studs. I can say right now that I am in no way physically fit. I have a growing gut – I am not quite "fat" in the eyes of the public, but in my eyes I am mediocre and not something to be desired. I want to be muscular, with a large penis (Mine is only averaged sized.) One thing I get out of gay porn is my fascination of their bodies.

 

So I rationalized that since I am insecure about my physical appearance I am attracted to men with better appearances that I am, and it's purely physical attraction. I consider that once I finally accomplish #1 (having heterosexual sex) and get over the fact that I'm not a model, that I can overcome my obsession.

 

I really can't come out to anybody about being bi-sexual that I know, and I am afraid of having more gay sexual experiences due to the fact that either my girlfriend will find out, or that I will like it. I am VERY uncertain about my thoughts of having a gay relationship – some days I think I would be willing to try it, other days it doesn't even seem attractive at all. I usually come to the conclusion that I am very satisfied with having a long term relationship with a woman, and having a family. I know this is usually a "deciding factor" but I can't make up my mind! I am afraid because I am not sure that I fully endorse homosexuality. I used to be very religious, but now I am starting to question that too. I haven't been to church seriously in about 2 years, and have kicked religion off to the side for now. The hardest part it's hard to kick the morals and beliefs that have been engrained in my mind the last 20 years off to the side: "Don't have sex until your married" and "Homosexuals go to hell."

 

****OKAY SO**** In recap:

1) My religious upbringing shuns homosexuality and my parents would probably come close to disowning me (they'd never do that but it would completely destroy the relationship)

2) I am completely confused about my obsessive attraction to men. When I am "really horny" I am so attracted to men I'll want to go out to a chat room and have a hook up that night. After I relieve myself, I feel ashamed and my normal life is pursuing a heterosexual relationship.

 

The real advice I am seeking is if my exploration into Bisexuality is valid, or what the heck my deal is. Am I just obsessing because I am insecure? I also want advice if it is a wise decision for me to explore sex with men – I am hesitant because of my "morality", but also need to get over this hump in my life!. Also has any one had feelings like mine before – did anyone accomplish getting over gay tendencies after having sexual experiences with women? GAH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?!!!!!!!!!

 

Thanks for the advice

-Confused in Wisconsin

[confuzzed1]

Wow, what a post. I'm glad I took the time to read it though.

 

I would say that you're bisexual and in denial. It's not a bad thing, no matter what your religeon says. Children do tend to experiment with each other in gay and straight ways which they can grow out of, but you haven't grown out of it so I'd say that this is you. Maybe you should talk about it with your girlfriend.

 

You sound like you really love her and if you're already starting some sort of a sexual relationship then she needs to know.

 

good luck

[MI_Shell]

If you have found a woman that loves you and you can seriously see yourself being together and marriage I encourage you to look after that relationship because the sexual encounters can come and go and bring momentary pleasure but cannot bring the true happiness that a companion that loves you does.

 

I wish you the best

[novaseeker]

1) I've never had sexual experiences with females – My current girlfriend and I agreed about no sex until marriage. However, we do stray from that a bit and are starting to mess around now – but still nothing of any monument yet (hopefully we'll be going below the belt soon!)

 

So, I rationalized that since my first and only sexual experiences have been with guys, that is all I know about and what I feel comfortable about. I consider that once I have sexual experiences with women, most of my homosexual desires will diminish.

 

Very unlikely. You're past the age of exploration for the most part, you clearly have a sexual attraction to other men. Let me ask you this: if you walk into a crowded room (say a college party), and there are attractive men and attractive women there, who catches your eye and turns your head: the young women, the young men, or both?

 

1) My religious upbringing shuns homosexuality and my parents would probably come close to disowning me (they'd never do that but it would completely destroy the relationship)

 

A lot of people are in that situation, and some of them post on this board. It's a tough place to be, but unfortunately we can't choose whether our sexual orientation "fits in" with our family and background. Trying to deny our sexual orientation, however, in order to "fit" with the background almost always leads to personal dissatisfaction.

 

2) I am completely confused about my obsessive attraction to men. When I am "really horny" I am so attracted to men I'll want to go out to a chat room and have a hook up that night. After I relieve myself, I feel ashamed and my normal life is pursuing a heterosexual relationship.

 

It sounds to me like you are at least bisexual, but are very uncomfortable with it due to your upbringing, which has made you "internalize" some homophobia that is taught by your religion. That's common enough, but it's not something to be trifled with, because if you don't address it, it will lead to a lot of personal anguish.

 

The real advice I am seeking is if my exploration into Bisexuality is valid, or what the heck my deal is. Am I just obsessing because I am insecure?

 

Unlikely. Insecure straight men don't fantasize about having sex with other men.

 

I also want advice if it is a wise decision for me to explore sex with men – I am hesitant because of my "morality", but also need to get over this hump in my life!.

 

My guess is you will only know how "bisexual" or perhaps "gay" you are if you try to have a *relationship* with another guy, rather than just the sex part. Have you ever been emotionally attracted to another guy? I mean have you ever, for example, had a crush on another guy before? On girls?

 

Also has any one had feelings like mine before – did anyone accomplish getting over gay tendencies after having sexual experiences with women?

 

It's a common thought that young men have who are struggling with these feelings: the idea that having the right relationship with a woman, or a real relationship with a woman, will somehow "cure" them of these feelings. I hate to say it, but it doesn't work that way. One way or another you're going to have to engage in some more self-discovery work here to discern whether you are bisexual (meaning you could have successful relationships with women, but you have to tell them you're bisexual because if you don't they get very mad about that later, as you can see from other stories on these boards) or gay (meaning it will be hard for you to have successful relationships with women, clearly). To me, it sounds like those are the two options on the table ... given your level of interest in gay sex and looking at men's bodies and the like it doesn't seem to me that you are "straight" as commonly defined.

 

The worst thing you could do is to try to sweep this under the rug and "cure" it through a relationship with another woman. At some point it will come out and it will anger her at the very least. So I would recommend doing some more self-discovery work and trying to discern where your feelings and attractions really are.

[novaseeker]

If you have found a woman that loves you and you can seriously see yourself being together and marriage I encourage you to look after that relationship because the sexual encounters can come and go and bring momentary pleasure but cannot bring the true happiness that a companion that loves you does.

 

I wish you the best

 

I don't agree. If he brings these kind of sexual issues into a relationship without (1) understanding fully himself what they mean and (2) explaining them to his partner, it will only lead to disaster eventually.

[Tigris]

I agree with Novaseeker he needs to find out who he is.

 

Kissing and cuddling a person does not help you sort out what sexuality you are! You need to sleep with both sexes to decide.

 

It's taken me 30 years and 2 divorces to understand who I am!

 

I hope it doesn't take you as long as this to find out who you really are!

 

Good luck and take care.

[FoxLocke]

I think you are gay and in denial. I'm gay and I went through every single thing you've listed, verbatim.

Grant it, I haven't had nearly the amount of gay action you've described as a preteen(I "messed around" with a couple of my male friends, mostly heavy petting and a little kissing, no anal or oral stuff)but after a certain age experimentation ceases to exist and you're just doing what's natural to you. After "experimentation" I found myself still being attracted to guys, emotionally and sexually, around 17 and 18 years old.

 

Okay so now we're getting to the dilemma. I'm a sophomore in college now. I have a great girlfriend and a great “heterosexual” lifestyle. Although people in high school made fun of me being gay, I've now proved to the world that I'm not. And I've almost convinced myself too.... except that when I'm with myself, I masturbate and fantasize about gay sex. But as soon as I am done getting off, I feel guilty – I suddenly find the porn dirty and gross and I say “why do I watch this?” As many times as I tell myself “I’m not going to look at gay porn, I’m a straight person,” I go back and look at more porn (yes I know how addicting porn can be)

 

Again, I can see myself all in this. I come from a very fundamentalist Christian background and that's primarily why I've stayed closeted(even to myself)for so long.

I remember when I first watched porn at the age of 13. I recall distinctly liking to watch the guys(it was hetero porn, mind you) in the video instead of the girls. I even borrowed straight porns from friends that had certain male actors in them. I honestly could have cared less about the girls in the videos. Then I upgraded to gay porn, and deluded myself into thinking it was just experimentation. I was clearly excited by the thought of two men having sexual intercourse, but I continually beat myself up with the same thoughts that you have. And I was STILL visiting gay websites and fantasizing about guys all the time.

 

It is basically the issue of your sexuality breaking out of it's container. You can't stop feeling something that is innately apart of you. No matter how good of a relationship you have with your girlfriend no amount of sex with her is going to stop you from being into other men. You have an extreme interest in gay sex, and I think that is very healthy that you have explored it. But you should be honest with your significant other and don't drag her into your confusion.

 

I don't know you outside of this post. For all I know you could be bisexual and equally into both. However, everything you've written screams gay.

[pianoguy]

What a strange situation. My gut feeling is that you either straight, bisexual, or gay, but it's really hard to say.

 

There's a couple of things that we can look at to help figure this out:

In ninth grade, me and my friend messed around once, but then he told me that he had a girlfriend that he would much rather have sex with. I was devastated - I had lost my only connection to gay sex (I lived in a small town, and wasn't very popular).

 

This is the key thing we need to look at. Were you devestated because you couldn't have gay sex anymore, or were you devestated because he broke your heart? Were you jealous of your friend's girlfriend? Did you get depressed?

 

When you had gay sex was it purely the sexual act itself or was it accompanied by kissing and foreplay? Have you kissed guys or girls? Which do you prefer?

 

But because I was raised Christian I felt it my moral obligation to not have sex with them [girls] or even mess around.

Whoa! Hold on. So- it's okay to fool around with guys but not girls. Most Christian religions consider that not the case. This is a theme running throughout your entire post- inconsistency, I think you have a lot of conflicting beliefs about yourself and aren't being entirely honest with yourself about your true beliefs and feelings, which is something you may want to sort out.

 

Okay so now we're getting to the dilemma. I'm a sophomore in college now. I have a great girlfriend and a great "heterosexual" lifestyle. Although people in high school made fun of me being gay, I've now proved to the world that I'm not. And I've almost convinced myself too.... except that when I'm with myself, I masturbate and fantasize about gay sex. But as soon as I am done getting off, I feel guilty – I suddenly find the porn dirty and gross and I say "why do I watch this?" As many times as I tell myself "I'm not going to look at gay porn, I'm a straight person," I go back and look at more porn (yes I know how addicting porn can be)

 

This does seem to say that you are gay, but there are tales of very straight men who like gay porn (don't ask, I don't know).

 

What I tell people in this situation is very simple: being gay is more about love than sex. Sex seems to be more changeable than love- consider for example the stories of rapes in the prisons and so forth. These men aren't gay, they just don't have access to women and need some kind of outlet. The same could be true in your case. I know extremely religious people who have been totally suffocated by their religion. They shun and are terrified of girls, they cling to guys because it's "ok". Since they don't have any access to the female body, they experiment on each other. I know guys as old as 21 who have done this, and they are very very straight. Trust me. Now, THIS IS NOT NORMAL but it does happen in extreme circumstances.

 

Some things you should ask yourself:

 

Do you love girls or guys? Could you see yourself spending your whole life with a guy? with a girl? Do you desire a girl or a guy to lay close to you and snuggle with you? Do you daydream about a particular person? Does your heart leap inside you when you see a certain person? Do you have a "spark" with someone?

 

I think these questions would be more productive than the "do I want to have sex with" questions.

 

If you have any more information it could be useful to us if you want us to help.

[FoxLocke]

Piano guy I rarely(if ever)disagree with you; however, there is a first time for everything.

 

I read wiguy's post twice. From all indications he is more than likely gay or bisexual, no question about it.

 

Judging by his sexual history (all of his encounters and attractions have been with guys) if he's even bisexual he leans more towards the male gender. True, he has a girlfriend now but who is to say that doesn't have anything to do with being in denial? How do we know he isn't attempting to find the "right woman" that will "cure" his homosexual tendencies.

Many gay men marry females for different reasons...And the marraiges usually fail due to infidelity. Mainly because they are "emotionally" attracted to their wives, but sexually stimulated by their consorts.

 

Sex and love are two different things entirely, but both hold the possibility of leading to the other, given the proper people, circumstances, and chemistry. If you are emotionally attracted to someone then love, generally, ensues. However, if you aren't sexually attracted to them then what else is there besides someone you just really like being around? Love generally leads to sex and sex can lead to true love in many cases. Straight men go around boinking women all the time, but it only takes onetime to find the girl they want to settle down with. That doesn't mean they should question their sexuality about it. Sex is a vital component in any relationship.

Basing a love affair purely on emotional attraction is not enough to sustain a longterm romantic relationship.

I've used this quote before, but at the risk of sounding redundant I'll use it again, "Emotional attraction - the sexual component = A really great friend." I'm not saying that relationships should be based totally on sex, but if you don't feel that animal passion for your partner then what good is it to be in that kind of a relationship? Most marraiges don't usually turn plutonic until the couple reaches their 90's. But with Viagra that is not the case anymore in many situations.

 

He(wiguy) has basically said that all of his sexual urges have been geared towards men. It is his intense fear of judgement and moral compass that has him going in circles.

 

I dated girls regularly a few years ago. I always fantasized about: kissing them, holding them, marrying them, having kids, taking long walks on the beach and etc, etc, etc...However, when I allowed myself to come out of lala land and realized that I had no real magnetic attraction I started to realize that could be a major problem in a marraige. All of the qualities that you mentioned are the emotional components of attraction, but let's be honest. Everybody thinks about sex to some degree or another. That is base level human instinct, and it is important to any union, straight or gay.

 

Throughout his entire post all of his attractions have been the same sex, and he has yet(even in college)to have sex with a female.

 

I don't want to just throw a label on him and be pushy. But the writing is all on the wall--Uhm--Message board.

[Prufrock06]

I hesitate sometimes to reply to these kinds of "what am I" posts because I really believe that no one else can tell you what your sexuality is, regardless of what experiences you've had, what feelings you currently have, what you'd like to have, etc. Though it certainly is a relief to air our your stress in such a place, where you can get a range of opinions and suggestions.

 

I'm gay and there are many aspects of your post, wiguy, that I identify with. I would even go so far as to accuse you of plagarising from the Book of My Life, haha So it would stand to reason that my opinion would be you're probably gay and in denial, as I was at the time I felt many of the same things you did, right? But this could be the truth, or it could be the farthest thing from it. I certainly don't know. Only you can really tell for sure whether you consider yourself straight and confused, bisexual or gay or whatever.

 

The real advice I am seeking is if my exploration into Bisexuality is valid, or what the heck my deal is. Am I just obsessing because I am insecure? I also want advice if it is a wise decision for me to explore sex with men – I am hesitant because of my "morality", but also need to get over this hump in my life!. Also has any one had feelings like mine before – did anyone accomplish getting over gay tendencies after having sexual experiences with women?

 

1. I think your exploration into a sexual and emotional relationship with another man is definitely valid, and it might be good to try and explore this feelings and see if there is any real genuine emotion behind your sexual desires. If so, then I would argue that you probably lean more towards the homosexual end of the spectrum and are just hung up on various stressors (like morality, religion, etc.) that are conflicting with your desires. If not, then I think it best to seek some professional insight into what drives these insecurities and why they seem to have such a powerful hold over your sexuality.

 

2. Yes, I have had feelings like yours before. And again, I'm gay and I have no desire to get over my "gay tendencies" because I've come to conclusion on my own after much thought and personal stress that I am indeed emotionally attracted to other guys as well as physically attracted to other guys. I haven't had sex with another guy -- and I haven't had sex with another woman, either. But I know in my heart and mind the way I feel, and I've accepted that. Does this mean you can be expected to follow the same path? I want to say yes, but again, who knows for sure?

 

The answer (like the title of that classic Oldies song): Only You.

[wiguy20]

You sound like you really love her and if you're already starting some sort of a sexual relationship then she needs to know.

 

Yeah, I do. The thing is that it took me almost two years to find someone like her - as you will read later in this post, I don't go actively searching for girlfriends. I am extremely afraid of rejection and losing what I have. Although, you make an extremely vaild point about her knowing. Maybe I should wait longer to tell her (it's only been 3 months)?

 

Very unlikely. You're past the age of exploration for the most part, you clearly have a sexual attraction to other men. Let me ask you this: if you walk into a crowded room (say a college party), and there are attractive men and attractive women there, who catches your eye and turns your head: the young women, the young men, or both?

 

I'd have to say both - although usually the guys...

 

 

My guess is you will only know how "bisexual" or perhaps "gay" you are if you try to have a *relationship* with another guy, rather than just the sex part.

 

See this is the thing I'm most worried about. I could never let any of my close friends/family know about a *relationship* so I'd have to keep it under tight wraps

 

Have you ever been emotionally attracted to another guy? I mean have you ever, for example, had a crush on another guy before? On girls?

 

I cannot recall having a "crush" on another guy - I can recall too many to count "crushes" on girls. All throughout high school (after I lost my friend) all my friends were girls. Now that I'm in college and away from my miserable High School existence, I have guy and girl friends - although girls still dominate. All of my attractions to other men are mainly physical ('mainly' meaning I haven't toyed with an emotional attraction because I've blocked that possiblity out).

 

Now that I'm sitting here writing this I'm thinking that maybe the reason I didn't make any close guy friends in high school was because I was afraid to make new guy friends because I wouldn't know what to expect and was afraid it would turn into another rejection situation (rejection was an issue for me in High School)

 

 

This is the key thing we need to look at. Were you devestated because you couldn't have gay sex anymore, or were you devestated because he broke your heart? Were you jealous of your friend's girlfriend? Did you get depressed?

 

I was devistated becaue I couldn't have gay sex anymore. I didn't get depressed - I moved on and started making friends with girls. I was not jealous of my friend's girlfriend - I had a feeling that day would come.

 

When you had gay sex was it purely the sexual act itself or was it accompanied by kissing and foreplay?

 

When I had gay sex, it was purly the act itself. I mean we had fun trying differnet things, but nothing was on a sexually intimate level. Maybe this is because we were in 8th grade -- I didn't have a clue about seduction/foreplay. I almost think that for the guys I messed around with it was purely thrill. Trust me, it was a thrill for me too, but I was always the hornier one, the one to initiate. ?

 

Have you kissed guys or girls? Which do you prefer?

 

I have never kissed a guy. I have kissed girls. So I guess I can't say which I like better.

 

Do you love girls or guys? Could you see yourself spending your whole life with a guy? with a girl? Do you desire a girl or a guy to lay close to you and snuggle with you? Do you daydream about a particular person? Does your heart leap inside you when you see a certain person? Do you have a "spark" with someone?

 

I have never loved a guy before, nor fantasized about spending time and a relationship with one. I have always been very emotionally attracted to females. As far as the snuggling goes, I would prefer a girl, unless the guy was really cute (lol). I usually daydream about both - although when I daydream about guys it's usually about their bodies. Girls it's about having fun or spending time with them. I've had my heart leap for girls before - I've been in a few relationships. I'd also say I have a "Spark" with the girls I've dated.

 

As far as my dating history goes, I have never really looked for a girlfriend - I've always come accross them. It usually starts as us being friends, and then through spending time and hanging out, it grows into more, and then turns into a relationship. So I very much enjoy my relationships with women, and I would like to marry one eventually - I do have fantasies about having sex with women -- just not as often as having sex with men. I'd go so far as to say I'd even like to have a family.

 

I dated girls regularly a few years ago. I always fantasized about: kissing them, holding them, marrying them, having kids, taking long walks on the beach and etc, etc, etc...However, when I allowed myself to come out of lala land and realized that I had no real magnetic attraction I started to realize that could be a major problem in a marraige. All of the qualities that you mentioned are the emotional components of attraction, but let's be honest. Everybody thinks about sex to some degree or another. That is base level human instinct, and it is important to any union, straight or gay.

 

I think that you have gotten down to my #1 internal question I am really struggling with: "Am I magnatized to women?" I think you're completely right about "Emotional attraction - the sexual component = A really great friend." (yeah, i know YOU didn't really say it). I think in the relationship that I'm in now I am afraid to let go and have sexual fun with her because of our religion (she was raised religious too) but I think I need to be honest with myself - I don't really care that much about my religion anymore. I think that *maybe* if I let go, I will find that I am really magnetically attracted. I think I need to proceed in what I'm doing with my current relationship. If it bombs down the road, well then I think it would be a good time to explore a relationship with a man. See the thing that makes me wonder if it would work is that I am not attracted to anything with a penis - it seems to only be "hot" guys. And not that I'm putting myself down or anything, but I'm being realistic in saying that given my looks, I would not have a very good chance to be in a relationship with a "Hot" Guy -- this is why I had made the rationalization in my first post that maybe I was attracted to guys mainly because I wanted to have the bodies of the men I fantasized about, and because of my past sexual experiences, it was just a turn on that got me off. That said, my standards for women aren't like they are for men. My girlfriend isn't a model, but I still think she's beautiful.

 

The thing that is bugging me now (especially after some of the advice in all [everyone] of your posts) is the question of what if I find that I *am* emotionally attracted to men, and I just don't know it.

 

...I think it best to seek some professional insight into what drives these insecurities and why they seem to have such a powerful hold over your sexuality

 

Maybe this is the best advice of them all... lol

 

If you have any more information it could be useful to us if you want us to help.

 

Please, ask away! I really do appreciate all the time and thought everyone has put into your replies.

[novaseeker]

Hmmm.

 

It seems hard to know based on your responses, to be honest. On the one hand, you seem physically attracted to guys (as in they turn your head) ... I think at a minimum that means you're not "straight", because it's very, very rare for straight men to be attracted to other men in any way similar to the way they are visually attracted to women.

 

One area for you to explore more fully is why you've never been emotionally attracted to men. I'm not suggesting you should be, but I think you should understand whether you really are not emotionally attracted to men, or whether there are other issues that are preventing you from opening yourself to that. Because to me that's a key issue, and it seems like an area where you have probably less clarity for yourself than you'd like.

[FoxLocke]

I agree with Novaseeker. I think you might be walling yourself off from being emotionally attracted to guys, for whatever reason.

 

I can only relate your own experiences to mine and say that whether you are gay or bisexual you definitely aren't "straight."

 

But that's okay though. The choice to lead your life how you wish to lead it is ultimately up to you. But just allow yourself to be completely honest about everything, especially to your girlfriend. She has a right to know.

 

I wish you good luck! And I hope that all of these replies helped you.