Serial Dating Man Eater, that's what my friends call me.

[incredible]

Hello Everyone,

 

I have no idea how I found this website, but I read some of the posts that people have placed and was amazed and very happy to see that there are sites like this that you can talk about personal issues.

 

I personally have a major dating issue. My problem is that I cannot keep a steady boyfriend for longer than a month. It has got to the point that my friends and family think it's a joke and never take me seriously when I say I like someone, because they know within a week or two he'll be gone.

 

I'll tell you a little about my dating history. I started dating when I was in my mid teens. I was with a guy for a year and a half and for 9 months of that relationship he was cheating on me. I found out because I called his house and she answered. A year later I met someone else who I was with for 3 years. He left me because he no longer wanted a relationship, he wanted to be single. We broke up when I was 21. I'm now 23 years old.

 

For the past two years, I have been single and dating. And I mean really dating. I'm usually out with 3-4 guys within a month. Sometimes I meet someone who I actually like and we'll get a little bit serious and I stop dating anyone else. So I'm not committed to anyone and I'm not cheating on anyone by having dates with different guys.

 

In the past year I have had disasterous experiences with guys. First there was Danny, who was the compulsive lying violent organized crime member. Next there was Mark who had no sex drive at age 24. Then I met Jamie, who claimed he wanted me to meet his parents in Newfoundland a week before he told me he was moving to Winnipeg and we were breaking up. Then I met Loren, who told me he had promised himself that he would be faithful to me. When I asked what he was talking about he said women are his weakness and when they pay attention to him he's helpless. Randi came along at Christmas time. He was the one who couldn't get a job, for lack of looking. We spent New Years Eve at the stroke of midnight with him talking to his brother on the phone instead of kissing me with the fireworks in the background. I met Matt in January, he was overly boring and serious and would use the rest room at my place and not flush the toilet! Plus he was scared to death to touch me and I would have had to teach him how to have sex (he's 29 years old!) Then I met Marc who convinced me that we were going to be great together and then never really called again. His personality is comedic, maybe he was joking. I've seen him a few times since our little mini relationship and he claims he's not ready to be in a relationship (he's 30 years old!). And finally we are at the present (July 2003, age 23). I meet Mike 2 months ago. We were dating, we eventually slept together, had the best sex and now he tells me he does not have an emotional connection to me. One week before he told me (in an email) that he has no connection to me, he drove in the middle of the night for 2 hours in the middle of his vacation to see me, after he told me "i really need to see you". So one minute Mike is completely into me, and the next he's not. My ex of 3 years, Dave, has asked to cheat on his new girlfriend with me, just for old time's sake. Marc asked me yesterday if we could have sex again. As soon as I sleep with a guy, that's all they ever think about! My cousin's friends are constantly asking me if they can have sex with me. That's ALL guys want from me, I'm seen as a challenge. I don't sleep with just anyone, I have to feel an emotional connection, but the problem is once I sleep with the guy, he only sees me as someone to have sex with.

 

I've basically had it with men and dating. I don't look for relationships, they find me and then I give it a chance and they put me through hell! I'm not stupid, I'm not ugly, I should be everything someone would want, yet I don't think anyone has ever really loved me. Isn't that pathetic? I have sat down a few of my friends and have asked them what is wrong with me. Here is what I've come up with: From a guy I was briefly seeing a few years ago, he told me that I'm too good in bed (what the f*** ever!) He claims that if a girl is too good in bed, guys don't see them as relationship material! Is this right or wrong people?? I can't pretend to suck when it comes to sex, I'm just myself and I'm all about passion. I'm not needy, I'm not desperate, I'm educated, I have a great job, I live on my own, I'm close with my family, I have hobbies, etc. So I'm not waiting around for a boyfriend, but just when I think that hey maybe I really like this guy, he does what Mike just did to me and doesn't feel any emotional connection to me, just only wants sex. Yet he tells me I'm one of the most caring girls he's ever met!

 

So without being sarcastic or mean everyone, what advice do you have for me?

 

Signed,

Only a sex thing

[crookster_man]

Well, it sounds like you're in quite a pickle. Hmm so you don't have to be in a relationship right? You are comfortable being alone, with your self? Is there a reason you are attracted to these men who are emotionally immature and underdeveloped?

 

Maybe you're looking in the wrong place? You said the problem is the fact that guys only go for you to get laid. Maybe you need to hold out longer before you take that step? Most only last a month? Try waiting a month before you have sex. This is not unheard of, if the guy can't wait a month to have sex then he's obviously not dating you for anything else.

 

If you want a relationship that goes beyond the physical, then make the physical the result of an emotional relationship, not the way to achieve it.

You can't find love between your legs. I'm sure you know that, but sometimes it's good to hear the obvious.

[incredible]

Hi Crookster,

 

Thanks for your message and something in it did make a lot of sense. Although I have to correct you on a few things. I didn't say that guys go out with me because they want to get laid. I said, once we do anything physical it turns into all they want. Up until that point, it's all about getting to know each other. Also, the comment about not finding love in between my legs is the exact kind of comment that I was hoping not to get when I wrote "please no sarcastic or rude comments". I'm not saying that every guy who wants to sleep with me gets the chance, I'm saying that is all they see when they look at me. The one thing that did make sense is the comment you wrote about having the sexual relationship as a result of the emotional, and not the way to achieve it. You struck a chord with me there, and I thank you.

 

Sarah

[Genesis]

Sweetheart, you really can not get to know someone in a month. May be you should wait longer like 3-4 months before sleeping with a man if you are looking for a relationship. If you just want a @#$% buddy then do sleep with them when ever you want.

 

You cannot find a nice guy in a club, bar, pool hall, I do not know where you meet these guys but these places are just lust filled meat markets. I find it that a man will treat you the way you present yourself, if you give it up easy like in the first month, they may not know you well enough to want to stay. A relationship should not be based on sex do not think a man will stay with you just b/c you are good in bed.

 

 

You need to slow down and look for quality not quantity. Your body is a temple and you should save yourself for marriage anyway if you are a Christian. I am your age also and it seems as if you may not be as picky about who you choose date as you think. You are very young I do not know what your rush is. You have the rest of your life to be with some man(30 yrs and more). If you are the only one of your friends with out a husband or boyfriend, so what it is better to be single than to be with someone who is wrong for you, just so you can say you have somebody. You say that you are sure of yourself but these things take time, you do not need a man to validate youself. Good Luck I hope that we both can find good men!