I hate...me.

[brokenone2manytimes]

I feel really stupid. Like I'm angry, upset, falling apart, lost, sad, alone.

 

I've felt this way on and off since early high school. It really took hold when I lost my grandmother in year 11...everything came out from my parents divorce to my relationships with my brothers, mum, barry (Dad), aunts, cousins. It all hurt. I thought it went away...my friends helped it go away.

 

I think it's back..I'm angry at everybody for not caring. I'm hurting because I feel like I'm going to just fall apart in front of everybody. I'm lost because I dont feel like me anymore..I hate parties, I hate being around friends.

 

I feel all this and yet still have to get up everyday and go on..go to work to a job I hate. Deal with my aunty and mum * * * * *ing about me..nitpicking everything about me ... telling me to move out because she wants to move in with her b/f down the coast. deal with not having money to move out..deal with job interviews and resumes to get the new 'better' job ... and all the while not having friends to run to... to say I'm not okay.

 

I tried to tell my mum last night but she took it like I dont want her to move..she got angry..so we're fighting now. I hate her for not hearing me. I'm sad because I really don't think she cares. It feels like I'm a waste of energy. Anyone that knows me would be better off not knowing me but if I went tomorrow nobody would notice.

 

My older brother says people that feel this way are stupid..they've got some weird problems. I'd hate to be weird.

 

I pray almost every night that something would stop me from waking in the morning but I wake..to yet ANOTHER day.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Brokenone2manytimes, I'm sorry to hear about the tough time you've been having.

 

Nothing about what you are feeling and going through is weird. I'd even say what youa re going through is common for many people.

 

Weird is like trying to marry a dolphin.

 

The events that you've had to deal with are devastating, and to top it off, your mom and brother aren't being supportive of your feelings.

 

Have you thought about seeing a counselor?

 

Things seem pretty bleak right now, but hang in there. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Instead of looking at how much of a curse it is to live another day, look at it for what it really is. A blessing. A new day, with a fresh slate to effect a positive change in your life. Things wont change over night, and I can only imagine how difficult things are right now, but don't ever give up.

[Tigris]

It sounds to me like you've got depression. I suggest you go and see your doctor before it gets any worse!

 

Good luck and take care.

[Dako]

You need help.

Your description matches mine for the depression I've dealt with for many years. My life became 100% better after I dealt with it. I'm surprised your mom didn't listen to you, but she may think you're just going through a common stage of development, or she may have problems of her own.

You really will do better in life if you deal with your problem.

You're not weird. In fact, people who suffer when they could find a solution are weird. Don't accept feeling so bad. Life is better than this.

 

Ask your mom to just get you a professional's opinion. It's worth the effort.

[On The Road]

I'm sorry that life isn't treating you well right now. if you need a friend, someone to talk to, feel free to pm me.