Im Going TO Break NC. Good idea?

[lewisbn11]

Its been a week since we have spoke. 2 weeks ago she told me she still loved me but had to make this decision and might regret it etc. we had been going out 10 months and i went away the last 6 weeks. i got back to her saying she needs to be on her own etc even though she was all over me. i left it and bumped into her last thursday and we got together in a club and felt like old times. we slept with each other and then the morning she says again she must be on her own.

 

Now ive told her i would find it to hard to see her and be friends etc as im so in love with her. This week has been so hard. I am trying to get my life back whereas she probably has hers sorted as she has been on her own for 7 weeks since ive been gone. All i can do is think about her. I really want to see her but worried it might make things worse for me. i spent every second of every day away thinking of her and writing her letters. she rang loads and things were so good. I just miss her. Should i call? Lewis

[ocrob]

At this point I suggest you do not contact her at all. Do not write letters, call, e-mail, or text. If she wants you back, then she will let you know. You have to go NC to get over her. Once you break the routine, things will get so much easier. I realize you don't want to get over her because you love her, but if she ends up not taking you back, then you need to get over her. Go NC for a few weeks and see how you feel. It is challenging at first, but feels pretty rewarding when you accomplish your goal.

[nikkers04]

Hey today is day 8 for me....and I had been with my guy for 4 years. 1 week isn't enough. If she wanted to talk to you she would call you. Don't do that to your self. When she is ready for a relationship she will let you know. Sorry to hear about your pain but trust me...I know exactly how you feel. Stay strong show her you can live with out her and with time....she will see that you are going to be ok...and you will see you are going to be ok. She will come back or you will move on best of luck

[lewisbn11]

its been 2 weeks with pretty much NC apart from that night when she stayed over. I have been in 1 break up once before when i loved somone and i got through it but this feels so different. Because i have been away i feel like she has learnt to live on her own from the start. I have just got back to my town and am not even sure what to do every day. For her things must be easy.

 

If i had not gone and things had broke up it would be different because the "she might take me back" thing could have happened. Now i have spent 7 weeks from her Im sure in her heart she must know what she wants but its what she said to me leaving me hoping.

She says im the most attractive person she has ever seen and i feel the same about her. Last thursday she was almost saying she just can't see me out and started saying we should go where we would not see each other. Why? Because she thinks she will be all over me? Id love to let this go but shes been in my head the hole time i was away. I can't get her out.

 

I feel stupid i told her that i couldn't see her or speak to her as it would be too hard. Did i close the door on her majorly so even if she does want to talk she feels she can't? She has spoke a few times on msn messenger but i don't have her address on it so i don't know when she is online.

[nikkers04]

Take it one day at a time. Instead of calling her doing something else with that time...call a different friend. Work out. ANYTHING but call her.....the longer your away the easier it gets for you...and the more time she has to think about what she has done and what she needs to do with her life.....Think about it this way....I love my ex with all my heart....but if him being happy isn't with me....then I'm glad he is doing what makes him happy. Yes that hurts me...makes me want to die...I feel like I have been hit by a train and I don't feel my heart beating anymore but if he is happy....its worth it.

[nikkers04]

write her a letter....telling her how you feel but DO NOT send it

[lewisbn11]

Thank you all so much for your help. Today was destroying me. I nearly blew it and called. It gives me strength when i know there are other people out there. Im fed up with feeling like this i can't wait for it to change.

[nikkers04]

haha .... I know!!!! And it will...someday...it will all work out the way its suppose to....She will come back and you will be happy or you will find someone else...someone better. And then you will be even happier knowing that you didn't stay with the ex because you would have missed the new girl. Best of luck pm if you need!

[coooolsome]

DO NOT CONTACT HER IN ANY FASHION. If you want to know why, go and read some of my posts. Every time you contact her, it will delay her decision. It could take months b/f she comes back if she does at all. Go complete NC not matter what you might be thinking. I thought if I did this or that then she will come back, and she didnt. If you are available then she can do whatever she wants knowing you are waiting for her.

 

She could go out and date complete losers and still not come back to you if you are sitting there waiting b/c she knows she wont lose you. She has to lose you to make a real decision in her head and that is what you need to do. Do NC for a month and then if she contacts you continue with Limited contact. That means that you answer her calls (not always right away) but you do not do any contacting.

 

During this time, hit the gym, read books, do things you have always wanted to do. Also think about why she may have broken up with you. Look for the red flags that you probably missed when you were together. Find them and fix them for yourself only. She does not need to know about them.

 

Anytime there is contact, DO NOT talk about the relationship at any cost. If she brings up things, LISTEN. If she says anything negative you did during the relationship, just listen and do not get defensive. Realize that you do not need her in your life an you will be ok.

 

It took me 3.5 months to figure that out and now I feel great. Yes I have my bad days sometimes but they arent really that bad. It takes time(I know that isnt what you want to hear).

[pos69sum]

do not contact her.

 

every time you contact her,

 

if there is a chance you get back together, you run the risk of doing or saying something (highly possible since you are not in a good state of mind) that would mess up the chances of that happening. she knows how you feel, and where to find you. if you guys are going to get back together, you also owe it to yourself to reflect for a while on what happened.

 

if it is really over, you need to get over her as soon as possible. contacting her is only delaying you moving on with your life.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

No.

 

Your emotions sound far too new and painful to start contacting her. It sounds like she doesnt know what she wants.

 

She knows where you are, and you shoud face the possibility that she may never want you two to get back together.

 

Please do not sleep with someone when you dont know where you stand! It always makes things very messy.

[ocrob]

It is so hard to be logical when your heart is leading the way. I look back at my situation and can't believe the crap I put myself through. My ex broke up with me and we still stayed friends as I hoped to get back together with her. She started dating a guy and I later found out that she was engaged after 3 weeks. Do you know how she told me? After about 2 months of being engaged, she called me and when I answered she said I love you. I kind of just paused and said yeah? Then she proceeded to tell me she was engaged. I flipped! I thought it was my duty as a good person and friend to remain friends. She and I would hang out on the weekend that he had his kid. Well, I still pursued her and I think my pursuit and their situation caused them to break up. She and I tried again and she finally said she had no romantic feelings for me. I stayed friend with her while she dated. I was there for her and she had no reason to come back to me because she knew she could experience everything she wanted and I would still be there. Well, I finally saw the light and went NC and have not talked for a month and will not talk to her for a very long time. Here is the funny thing. 8 months into our relationship, which was never a formal commitment, she told me she was starting to see someone. It hurt bad, but it was only 8 months so I remained friends with her. I started dating like crazy and talked to her like a friend and shared my experiences. After a couple of months, she wanted to get back together. Of course, I was stupid and did so. I guess the point is that you are way more desireable, if you are unobtainable. Plus, the NC will help you get over the person.