gradle Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 hi there guys! i'm just frustrated...i've had a crush on a guy for a little while now, and we've gone on about 4 or 5 dates in the past few weeks...some of them have been a little awkward, including tonights, b/c we tend to try and meet up with coworkers afterwards (we work together) and that never goes well. but he keeps wanting to hang out and he still hasn't tried to kiss me! what sucks is that he invited me out for new years eve, but i already had plans...so that's a guaranteed kiss...that i missed out on! yuck! he's 31 and i would have thought he'd be a little more aggressive than he has been. i can't gage whether or not he likes me at all...except during work, where we flirt constantly. any advice that doesn't have to deal with me making the first move? (i'm waaaayyy too shy)... Link to comment
DN Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Make sure that you are touchig him at every reasonable opportunity especially skin to skin contact, Link to comment
Tigris Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I agree with DN you need to be more touchy with him. It sounds like he needs more encouragement. Good luck Link to comment
Blue Skittles Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 argh.... i hate guys that aren't forward enough - it leaves u feeling so confused. i agree with the others, be a bit more touchy, and try to have a date where u two can be alone. Maybe invite him over to watch a movie or something, that always initiates some cuddling and stuff between 2 people who are into each other and see what happens. Or, get drunk with him. Then your actions are excusable, u could be like the next day "sorry what happened i was really drunk." lol i know thats not a good thing to do, but sometimes it works ya never know Link to comment
Markers Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 argh.... i hate guys that aren't forward enough - it leaves u feeling so confused. i agree with the others, be a bit more touchy, and try to have a date where u two can be alone. Maybe invite him over to watch a movie or something, that always initiates some cuddling and stuff between 2 people who are into each other and see what happens. Or, get drunk with him. Then your actions are excusable, u could be like the next day "sorry what happened i was really drunk." lol i know thats not a good thing to do, but sometimes it works ya never know don't get drunk. Some other unwanted things might slip out. Maybe act drunk and kiss him? XD Link to comment
gradle Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 haha you guys are great... ok i'll try and be more touchy, now i have to build up the encouragement to ask him to watch a movie... Link to comment
shangrala Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 I have been through the same thing and it's so frustrating! It is *so* much easier when they just go for it and get it over with. The longer the wait, the more awkward it gets. I was dating a guy last summer who was awesome--a real quality guy.The problem was, he would never make the first move. We ended up talking until 4 a.m. one morning in his driveway and still nothing! I was not about to kiss him, so I just stopped seeing him. I've often wondered if I passed up on a good thing just because of the kissing glitch. Then again, a lack of assertiveness in this are could mean problems in other areas. Link to comment
DN Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 I have been through the same thing and it's so frustrating! It is *so* much easier when they just go for it and get it over with. The longer the wait, the more awkward it gets. I was dating a guy last summer who was awesome--a real quality guy.The problem was, he would never make the first move. We ended up talking until 4 a.m. one morning in his driveway and still nothing! I was not about to kiss him, so I just stopped seeing him. I've often wondered if I passed up on a good thing just because of the kissing glitch. Then again, a lack of assertiveness in this are could mean problems in other areas. Why would you not kiss him? And why would a lack of assertiveness on your part not be an indicator of other problems you may have? Link to comment
gradle Posted January 8, 2006 Author Share Posted January 8, 2006 ok, so i went out wiht him last night...and i just got home today... STILL NO KISS we had a good dinner then went and got drinks and played darts, and we had a lot of fun...on the way back to the car he had his arms around me, he seemed like he was having a really good time. then we went to his place to watch a movie, we ended up playing nintendo for a while and hten he put in the movie, i passed out about 10 mins into it. so he jsut put blanket on me and a pillow for my head and went to bed. i guess he woke me up and asked me if i wanted to go hom and just mumbled something. so this morning i woke up, and it took me a couple of hours to gather up the nerve but i crawled into his bed, adn we talked and slept more. no cuddling or anything. no kiss. he was touching my face and hair for a while...i really wanted him to kiss me. come on i even crawled into his bed and no kiss...? something's not right. when my ex j and i would start dating, it would take him a few nights to kiss me, but he always cuddled wiht me and i knew he wanted to kiss me. once it took a week of him spending hte night to do it. and he used to touch me lightly too, like on my back or neck... so i knew he was attracted, plus, j would always jsut tell me straight out that he liked me. i know i can't compare these people to him, but it's just an example of me finding someone i really like that understands me... Link to comment
smallworld Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 Hi Gradle, if he's touching your face and hair, that's definitely a good sign that he's attracted to you. He just might be a little shy! Time to turn things up a notch. Next time he touches your hair, cup his face in your hands, pull him towards you, and kiss him on the cheek gently... kissing your way towards his lips, but not on them. Kiss him just at the corners of his mouth as you look into his eyes and let him do the rest! Happy meandering... Link to comment
gradle Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 oh my goodness small world! you are so brave, i'm so shy... he emailed me today, but i couldn't email back in time before he left work...i know i'm definitely going to see him on saturday...hopefully before that.... i still question how much i really like him...i'm glad things are going so slow (even if it's excruciating sometimes)... i talked to my friend who i got really close with a while back...he used to spend the night and nothing happened (and i told him i didn't want anything to happen) and i asked him why guys that i tend to date a while are like this towards me...he said that he really wanted to kiss me, but never would, that it's because i'm a really good flirt, but when it comes to the physical stuff, i'm really apprehensive. he said it seemed to him like i was really fragile and that i'm so tiny. i'm pretty small, but there are a lot smaller, maybe he means emotionally? i never asked j why it took him so long to just kiss me and get it over with...i just assumed he was nervous b/c he was scared it might not work. maybe the fact that i'm not over an ex shows through, so it shows that i'm nervous? maybe they can tell if i'm going to get attached? or maybe i'm just a wuss and should just go for it and get it over with! Link to comment
Msnak Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Here's another perspective. Maybe it's not really a bad thing you two haven't kissed. The reason: because if you have feelings for someone else, if he kisses you, it might not mean a thing. Or, maybe the anticipation will work in your favor. Besides, if you're not over someone, it's not really being fair to the next person. So, getting to know someone over time will reveal the true feelings you have without the complications brought about from the physical side of the relationship. And since it's early in the relationship, this will give you time to really examine him and the connection. (Smallworld...wow, your details show you could write romance novels! A mere touch seems like a force of nature through your eyes! Do you write poetry or something?) Link to comment
smallworld Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Hey Gradle, I know what I recommend sounds a little forward if you've never tried it before, but doesn't it sound fun? In real life I can be a bit of a coward when it comes to lots of things, but one thing I've learned about myself is that I'm more likely to do the "impossible" if I focus on the potential reward of a situation vs. the potential downfall. Keep thinking about how soft and warm his lips will feel against yours and I'm sure you'll find a way to kiss him... Smallworld...wow, your details show you could write romance novels! A mere touch seems like a force of nature through your eyes! Do you write poetry or something? Thanks for the compliments and the encouragement MsNak! I used to write poetry, but it tended to be about the darkness in my life. Maybe it's time I move towards the light? Link to comment
Msnak Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Small-- Absolutely! Perhaps you're one of those writers that simply must be inspired to write? I only write poems when I am mad, sad, frustrated or hurt. When I'm happy---there's no time and I can't waste energy on it! How weird! But I have over 600 poems, most of them about relationships. And though I'm a happy-go-lucky person, some of my poems can be melancholic. Again, weird! Link to comment
gradle Posted January 12, 2006 Author Share Posted January 12, 2006 it's done! he found out two days ago that work was going to send him away for up to a month (our job does that sometimes), so he made this dinner and had me over last night...needless to say...i just got home we were up watching tv and talking, i was laying on the couch with my legs sort of on top of him. the whole time he was holding my hand and rubbing my back...and then he was like, "come here" so he sat me up, and i just sort of went in for it.... it was nice, he was nice, i spent the night and a little more happened but not much. but i don't know how i really feel about him. i know i like him, and i feel like if he were a few years younger i'd be all about him. but he's not, and little things came out last night that were a reminder...this might sound silly....but i think he might have gotten hair plugs? he's not old, only 31...but when i touched his hair, some of them were almost kind of rough/unnatural? you can't really tell by looking, but i feel shallow for saying that that makes me less attracted to him, i've just never had to deal with that stuff before. regardless...i'm definitely still looking...i'll just look to this as a step forward for me...? am i being shallow? Link to comment
Msnak Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Being shallow? Well, that's debatable. But if you like him enough, it won't matter about his hair. Maybe it wasn't hair plugs, but something like cheap hair products? LOL!? Perhaps he didn't kiss you for all this time until things felt right for him. I don't think there's a recipe for intimacy that we all need to follow. You know, kiss on the first date, or whatnot. You have to do what feels right in that relationship, and be aware of long-term implications and consequences. Don't make any decisions yet, this kiss (as Faith Hill once sang) is one step and you have a ways to go before you really have to decide if this person is someone you really want to be with. Link to comment
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