It wont get easier...

[xshortboarderx]

hello everyone, this is my first post.

I guess i should fill you in...

I am in love with my ex. we dated for 2 and a half years and broke up almost 7 months ago (wow), but i am still not feeling any better than when it first happened.

Our relationship was filled with incredible passion, joy and love and we thought that we could get married one day. I wont give all of the details but there is no one else in the world for me.

We could not be separated when we were together and we shared everything. Towards the end of the relationship, we took a break because we were fighting too much. it was the darkest hour in our affair because i cheated on her then. I did not tell her until after we broke up and we were kind of "cleaning out our closets"...we had such a close and trusting relationship that i couldnt tell her when i did it. she was my first girlfriend and first love, and i cheated because i was scared and i guess i wanted to be sure that she was the one for me. Which she is. I made the biggest mistake of my life that night, and now i regret it more than anything i have ever done.

Since we broke up we have been in contact and she says she still loves me, although she is with somebody else now. We have seen each other alot and there is still a connection between us, but she has not found it in her to forgive me or trust me again...

So my questions are these:

How do i let her go for good? The town we live in is very small and we run into each other alot. There is no one more beautiful in this town than her both inside and out. We have shared so many wonderful experiences here and the memories are everywhere.

How do i love again? I am still crushed by our breakup, but want to maybe find someone else to at least have some fun with and stay warm next to...

And the final (stupid) question: Will she ever come back to me? We went to dinner last night and she said that she was just dating this guy and does not love him... she said that she is proud of how far i have come as a person and that she sees the light in me, but she is still upset about the past. We decided to leave it up to fate to decide.

friends, i miss her every minute of every day and if she just gave me the chance i would marry her. i made a mistake because i was young, but have grown incredibly since then and know that she is the one for me.

How much time will it take?

Thank you for your help, sorry for the short uninformative post, but i will write more when i feel a little better...

Much love and happy new year,

Xshortboarderx

[LiquidCherry]

Towards the end of the relationship, we took a break because we were fighting too much. it was the darkest hour in our affair because i cheated on her then.

 

To me there is not much of a difference between a break and a break up. A break is to a break up what dating is to a relationship.. Sometimes they'll lead to one and sometimes they won't. Either way: it's practice. SO... In my book you didn't cheat on her.

 

Here is where I think you may have made your mistake:

 

I did not tell her until after we broke up and we were kind of "cleaning out our closets"...we had such a close and trusting relationship that i couldnt tell her when i did it.

 

I would have been hurt too had this happened to me. Perhaps she feels less trusting because you ommited this.. Lying is often done through ommision.

 

You truly regret what you did, that is so obvious by your words. I know remorse by one is one of the first steps towards forgiveness by another. I wish I had answers to your questions but I do not.

 

I do know one thing. Fate does not decide if people are together. People decide.

[xshortboarderx]

Hi!

Thanks for the kind words and trying to help me make some sense of this!

Yes, i too feel that it was not the worst that could have happened. She knows that i had to do it to understand myself and the future. the thing that scares me now is well, her. After we broke up, she dated a guy for a couple of weeks as a rebound, and now she is dating this guy, on and off, for the last 3 months. She tells me she does not love etc. and i kind of know its true because when we were together, in three months we KNEW we loved each other.

She says that there are things that are holding her back from being with me and there are things she likes about the other guy, but she is confused i think. I know she is still hurt, but i feel like she wished everything could work out...

I know that time will heal all of this and things will get better-It is just taking me so long. Does that say anything? Does it prove my love to her? I have not dated or tried to hook up with anyone, because i feel that by not i can in some weird way prove to her that she is the only girl in the world for me.

I dont really mind waiting, it has allowed me to get in shape and really work on creativity and given me a little soul searching time, got me back to who i was, but there is still this void within me.

I want to show her my true love and affection for her, show her that she is my princess and i am not the fool i once was.....but how long can i wait?

I guess im just confused and sad that she is with someone else and i am not important to her anymore....love sucks.thanks for letting me put some of this down. It sounds like in this reply that i dont want to let her go, i guess i dont, but there is a part of me that is yearning to be happy again.So my first three questions are still there! thank for your help everyone

xshortboarderx