Now What?

[bandnerd]

This guy has been my best friend for a while now. We spend so much time together that alot of people have suspected we are gay. lol. For at least a year, I think I've been in love with him. I recently told him that I am gay, and much to my relief, he wasn't appalled or anything, he said nothing had changed between us. But he did make it clear that he was straight. At first, I was just ecstatic that we could still be friends, but now, I'm feeling pretty depressed. I know that as long as I continue to spend so much time with him, these feelings aren't gonna go away, but he obviously can never return them. It would be so hard to like, I dunno, distance myslelf from him in an attempt to make my feelings go away. I still want to be best friends, but I want to stop loving him this way. Telling him how I feel won't get me anywhere, so I think it's just better if I don't. I just have no idea how to deal with this. I feel terrible right now, and I just wish I could be straight like most of the rest of the world. What do I do now?

[Blue Skittles]

Reevaluate your feelings. Are you really in love with him? Maybe its just a strong friendship, and that is good. If you really are in love with him, then you need to take some steps to get over this crush. You have to really put your mind to it, just keep telling yourself you are just friends and always will be. Maybe you might have to be distant for awhile, but hopefully not. Its all in what you are telling yourself. Keep telling yourself u are not in love with him and eventually that feeling will go away.

[Tigris]

The only solution to my problem like this was to get involved in another relationship that took my mind off it. My Best Friend was 'over the moon' that she wasn't getting unwanted attention anymore!

 

I hope you find someone to love soon.

 

Good luck and take care.

[novaseeker]

I hate to say it, but you do have to distance yourself from him, at least a little, so that your own feelings of love (non-platonic ones) disssipate a bit and you can then pick up the good friendship. It will be very hard to do this without at least a little bit of distancing, in my view. These situations are always hard ... best of luck!

[FoxLocke]

I've been in this situation before. It's best to make a clean break. I know it may be hard, but when you're in love with someone whom you know will never love you back then it's best to either...

A.) Find a love of your own, who will return your affections...Thus taking your mind off the unrequited infatuation...

B.) Totally stop hanging out with him.

I was best friends with a straight guy I fell in love with(only he didn't know I was gay), and it got difficult to be around him.

So I stopped talking to him altogether, and I even avoided his phone calls.

 

Ironically, I saw him at my 10-Year-Class reunion(I'm 25 now and he's 29) and I thought..."What in the hell was I thinking?" (LOL).

[Prufrock06]

bandnerd,

 

This sounds so much like the situation I'm in right now that I wonder whether you're just another version of me from an alternate dimension, haha

 

In my case, I've settled for now with remaining friends with him. As I've written elsewhere on this board (wherever I can seem to fit it in, haha), in my case the feelings are still there and the upset that happens after we spend some time together is still there, but both are muted for the fact that either my friend is straight or is too uncomfortable to even bother thinking about having a relationship with him.

 

It's fine to still hang out with him, but I would take FoxLocke's advice and branch out and try to meet other guys who you are certain would be able to return your affections. I think you'll find this the safest way to "distance" yourself from him without avoiding him or not talking to him at all -- plus, it will be a great way to meet other gay guys and maybe channel your desires elsewhere.

[pizzachick13]

I know you don't want to hear this, but distance is the key. Unless of course you're both open with your feelings and you just tell him how you're feeling. He understood that you're gay so it shouldn't be a far stretch for him to see that you like him.

 

Good luck

[Prufrock06]

Telling this guy that you have feelings for him, if he already knows that you're gay, might (and I repeat, might) help get rid of some of the tension, especially if you decide to forgo distancing yourself from him and still remain friends with him.

 

Being in the same situation as you, sometimes I feel that if I told my friend I had a crush on him, he would get weirded out and stop hanging around me. Then there are other times, when I think that if I told him, he would just take it as a complement and treat it as no big deal. Granted, I'm not stupid enough to make any moves knowing that he wouldn't be interested in reciprocating my feelings, but I wonder sometimes if that wouldn't help get rid of some of the tension I feel sometimes when we're hanging out together.

 

Just a suggestion; something to think about.