An old friend called me last few days... but I don't like her anymore

[Lily04]

I was friends with this girl in high school and somewhat throughout the first 2 years of university, although we went our separate ways and weren't very close. I think we both changed a lot and I can't really relate to her anymore. She became _very_ competitive and her negative and competitive outlook on life really made me depressed whenever I talked with her, and it resulted me in me not answering phone calls and just not contacting her. We never called each other much anyway (like maybe a few times a year? She was always too busy winning medals for something to value friendship.) Since she's gotten into university though, she really changed. She was always competitive and into prestige, but she basically became much worse...purposely hurt people to win, really manipulative, etc. She e-mailed me at the beginning of the year when I was accepted onto this prestigious school council and asked how to get on, what to do to be accepted, and I e-mailed her back with some advice, and I think led her to think I was still friends with her.

 

Now she tried calling me twice in the past week "just to talk" although I told my parents to say I'm not home, because I don't want to talk with her. We never got in a fight or anything lke that, but I just stopped contacting her and changed myself and realized I didn't respect the type of person she's become.

 

We e-mailed each other at the beginning of the year and talked on MSN over the summer although I blocked her on MSN after my mom was in the hospital and in critical condition and she was bragging about the science awards she won... I just didn't want to talk with her at the time.

 

I don't know how to contact her now. She thinks nothing is wrong, but I have no feelings of friendship towards her anymore. I don't consider her a friend, and I don't want to talk with her anymore. I don't think she uses MSN very much so she probably didn't know I blocked her. Should I send her an e-mail saying I'm busy or just not respond if she tries calling me anymore?

 

Thanks,

 

Lily

[Bethany]

Just don't respond, she will get the message. I'm sure someone like that has many friends so don't feel too bad about it. All she seems to want is something from you or to brag anyway, hardly the best kind of friendship.

[Abby]

Hello Lily

 

It sounds like you're certain about this but the one thing I sense stopping you from simply ignoring her is because you're a good mannered person.

 

How about this

 

Dear xxx

 

As much as I would love to continue our friendship and have enjoyed having you in my life, I feel our lives are going down different paths. I truly wish you the best in your new life and I will cherish the memories of our friendship.

 

Lily

 

This way, there's no confrontation, no falling out, no accusation and it's a 'clean' end to the friendship.

 

I admire you, Lily. Being considerate of your ex-friend's feelings shows what a caring person you are. If you've seen any of my posts/responses to posts on this board it's usually about how hurt I am over a friend who simply stopped talking to me. I have no idea what I've said/done to result in her silence and although I've tried to put it right, I'm getting ignored. It hurts very much and I strongly believe that no one should be ignored or brushed aside so easily. There are kind ways to end a friendship which is much better than saying nothing at all.

 

Good luck, Lily.

 

Abby

[Lily04]

Thanks guys. Abby I appreciate your advice, but I think I'm going to go with the 'no contact' option. Just because I don't want to make the situation more dramatic than it is (we weren't that close friends anyway... in high school we were, but hardly in university. But then again she doesn't have many close friends, or many friends in general.) I'll try not calling her back but if she doesn't get the message and tries getting in touch I'll e-mail her that. I think not calling/e-mailing her is a better way though...

 

Thanks,

 

Lily

[krissbrown]

What kind of a friend brags about awards when your mother is in critical condition? She sounds so selfish. I think its best you dont contact her. You could always wait and be friends again if she changes or you you get bored. I wouldn't tell her directly "lets not be friends"