Why cant i get over him?

[strndedbyluv]

well its a long story but here it is abridged...i am 24, when i was 17 i dated my best friend (Will)since age 10...a local boy from around the corner, he was always eccentric, and we just decided to be friends or something, i am not sure what happened, all i konw is i loved him since i was 13, and when we were 17, i loved him even more, we really connected and would talk for hours. somehow, i just started dated someone else cause me and him decided to just be friends and another guy came alone, and gave me everything i wanted, or so i thought, anyway this new guy became my husband (Ben), and we were married for 2 1/2 years...thruout this time, i realized i still got butterflies when thinking of Will, and when i would see him i would lose my breath...but i thought i loved my husband. i see now it was never love, he bought me a car and house before we were married, so i married him, it seemed like the next step. Eventually towards the end of my marriage i could tell something was wrong with Ben, money started missing, and he wasnt paying the bills (i never worked still in college), anyways it became apparent that he was on drugs, his attitude changed and he became abusive. After I found out he had a girlfriend i stood for it no longer and tried to leave...he beat and raped me and i had to be hospitalized...i swore i would never trust another man, or anyone.

then i came back home to live with my parents, and Will lived just around the corner. He was back in my life. We wound up together everyday, talking and becoming best friends again. Our love grew, and eventually we moved in together. By this time, i had my own place, so he moved in with me. He has been really depressed since his dad died when we were 12, but he has always went thru waves of it. He has moved out a few times, and we separated, but he always came back, and we always worked things out. He quite work about 6 months ago, and i didnt make him work. I paid for everything, and just wanted to see him happy...i gave him everything he wanted. But he still went thru his moods where he would be really depressed and nothing i could do would make him happy, but we dealt with it.

For about a month now, i have been being pressured by my family and this closenit christian society to not "shack up" so i in turn put the pressure on him. We agreed we would get married,he even picked a place, i wanted to go to the courthouse but he wanted to do it at this old church no longer in use. So i planned it, and a week before he backed out. I let it go, and told him I needed commitment, he said he understood, but he didnt want to do it in front of all our family, ( he hardly ever left the house, i am pretty sure he has social anxiety disorder) anyways we agreed we would go to the courthouse on Friday and get married. This was decided on tuesday. well last thursday, i came home from school ( i am a first grade teacher at a Christian academy) and he was laying on the couch (our dsl was cut off and he is addicted to Unreal Tournament online gaming it was all he did all day) so i knew he was depressed really bad, i walked over and kissed him and told him i had to pick up our wedding rings, i was smiling, and thought he would get in a better mood. He just looked at me so cold and distant and said he was moving out.

I was devastated. I asked him why, and he said he couldnt be my husband. He told me he loved me, but we coldnt be together. I got mad and told him he never loved me, that he just used me.

He put my hand on his heart and said, "I love you," I just shook my head and cried, he held my hand tighter and said "You hear me Candi, I love you."

I couldnt take it, i felt like i was going to pass out. I asked then why is he leaving if he loves and cares about me, he just said he had to go, and he couldnt explain. I tried to hold him, and kiss him, but he threw me aside, and said he couldnt let me touch him, he couldnt let my touch soften him, that this is what he has to do.

He told me this had to be the end, and there was nothing to say or do about it, that he didnt want to talk about it, that we couldnt see each other anymore, and i had to just give up.

so now here i am a week later, his mom came to see me, and said he spent christmas alone, he lives with her, but acts like he isnt there. He wont take my calls, or return myemails. I found out that my dad went over and talked to him and told him to leave me alone, that he couldnt keep hurting me moving in and moving out, that this time it should be for good.

So i have called him and pleaded with him to talk to me, and all he would say is that we are not good for each other. He came over to pick up a few things he left, and hugged me, he seemed so distant until we touched and then i felt him...he said "i do care about you" and then left. So i went over that evening , and he got so mad. He said he didnt want to talk, and that i needed to leave. He said all i did was confuse him, that he didnt need to talk to me, cause he had made up his mind. He wouldnt even look at me inthe eyes. I knew if he did he would crumble.

So I email him and call everyday, but no reply. He wrote my dad a letter, and said that he was trying to stay away from me, but i kept calling and coming over, and that he knew i was hurting, but he was trying to end it, and would my dad talk to me about it.

this hur tme so much that i called him, and he said he didnt want tto talk about it, i said i felt so betrayed,if he would just talk to me about it then i could get over him, but he told me it wasnt his problem. that i need to get over it on my own. that it is over, i told him he must not have loved me to do this to me, and he said "believe what you want, and that he had to go, and for me to take care."

that was Friday, now i still havent heard anything from him. I feel like i am dying.

i need him so bad. We are so connected. i can actually feel him thinking about me. We use to really ahve this psychi connection when we were living apart, and i would want him to come stay with me, he always felt me 'calling' him. Even if it were 3 am, i would think so hard on him, and call him to me, and he could feel it and would come on over. I know he can feel me now, and i can feel him.

but he is so set agianst us. I feel like a stalker or something, calling him and emailing him, begging him back. I feel really pathetic. I jsut want to die without him.

how do i get over him, and should i?

[annie24]

oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear your story. welcome here.

 

I don't know what to tell you, except that both these men seem like they have some pretty serious problems. It is clear that you are in love with will and remember the great guy he was, but who knows where that guy went. This guy seems depressed, addicted to videogames, and is using you. This is not the kind-hearted 17 year old you fell in love with.

 

I guess, for whatever reason, he doesn't see a future with you. He's not responding to your calls, and as hard as it is, I think you need to start moving on. Spend time with your friends, go to a therapist, try to move on with your life.

 

both these men seemed to have some very serious emotional issues - I doubt that you could have rescued either of them. He's not returning your calls, so it is best to leave him alone. He can call you if he has something to say.

 

begging, crying, constant e-mailing has NEVER gotten anyone back ever. Space and time are your best friends right now.

 

good luck

[strndedbyluv]

yea, i kinda know that is what i need to do, just give him time. But we have always separated when he went thru his moods, and he would always come back after we talked, and tell me how he needed me. Now he wont even talk to me, and i think it is cause of my dad. I know Will is hurting, cause he spent x-mas alone. I just dont know how to leave him alone! I need help!

[boredguy]

I have to agree with annie24, give urself some time and some space. You say u believe he is hurting by being alone, but perhaps what he needs is some time alone by himself to think and do some soulsearching.

 

give it some time, and after that just gradually talk to him, dont pour out your heart, even though this is your Will, with whome you've been best friends for such a long time. ask him how he truly feels, without thinking about anyone else, not his mom, not ur dad, nobody. how does he feel about you and him. period.

[michelemybell]

I agree with Annie.

I know it may seem cruel that he is avoiding you and not giving you the answers to your questions. However, I think he has done you a great favor. He is sparing you a lifetime of being with someone who is not mature and responsible to be in a relationship. Unfortunately, love is not enough--You need to be looking for someone who is healthy, and this guy isn't it. And you have to let go of the idea that if he loved you, he would change. You can't change him. You dont want to be marrying and having children with a guy who doesn't work and has an addiction to anything. I know plenty of women who thought the same thing as you, and they can tell you how miserable they are now and how it screwed up their lives.

I think right now you have to concentrate on letting go. It's hard. I've been through it myself, but it's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. You can't be so dependent on someone that you feel like you're going to die without them. That's not love; it's dependency. If you are having a hard time doing that, seek professional help. Are you in school? Are you passionate about anything? Try to work on things and have goals because it will help you move through this difficult time, and away from him and back to yourself.

[healinginnyc81]

annie knows what she's talking about, will has issues that he needs to deal with before he can be in any relationship. He needs to be given space. You need to work on your own happiness and let him call you when he is ready to talk. That's the best thing you can do for him and for yourself right now since it seems he wants to take time apart from you.

 

And please continue to post on here we will all give you whatever advice we can and try to help you through this.

[versat_il]

First of all I cried like a baby…

Secondly I most say that I relate to you in such a manner that I’m still crying.

Thirdly annie24 could be wrong (kill me if you want, but hear me out)

You don’t really have to begin crying, thus meaning get over him.

Ben might have some serious issues with drugs and I reckon cocaine since money where an issue and also abuse is involved.

What I am going to say may sound weird for some but believe me it’s actually not so weird.

I promise I’m going to try to help, and this is not a joke or something like that.

How well do you know Willl?

Would you know if he were involved with mind altering drugs?

How much do you know about drugs?

Now, I know you had your ‘drug experience’ with Ben, but people tend to generalize the effects of drugs witch is not true!

Is Will a smoker?

Does he have a tendency to laugh?

Is he just a little bit immature?

Does he do child like things, like playing games and hanging out at night with buddies?

Please describe Will a little more.

 

Will is not entirely lost if he is hooked on cannabis-related substances or something like that.

Mind altering drugs can easily be overcome with a little help from a loving figure and believe me I know that first hand. I’ve lost my true love being light-headed and seeing the world in another ‘color’ and now I’m sorry. I said thing like ‘I don’t love you any more’ or ‘you have to get over me’ and ran away from her but after being ‘clean’ a while I realized what I have done and I just have to live with that every day.

 

Please help me help you and post some more info about your relationship and about Will.

 

_______________________________________________________________

It takes one to know one. Don’t judge and be open minded since people can change given the chance…even a bitter chance.

[bebestix]

Begging at him won't work ever (at least in my experience )

 

However, check this article out: link removed There's suggested some really good ways to help resolve this.

 

I hope that helps.

[strndedbyluv]

well actually, he dabbles with pot, but mainly for the past couple of months he's beendoing country boy shrooms. But i dont guess that is the reason he doesnt want to be with me.

He is just very depressed he quit school in the 8th grade, and allthough he gets on stents wherehe says he is gonna get his diploma he never does, he also only holds little part time jobs about every 6 months or so, and has never held one for over 3 months.

He is really just addicted to the massive online multiplayer game "Unreal Tournament" for about 3 years his mom let him stay home and do nothing but that, she bought him cigarettes and food, and that was all he ever did. Then i came back into his life, and he got into a technical school, took his GED test and almost got his high school diploma, but he quite the tech school about a month later. He was working part time, and he told me all the time how glad he was I came back into his life, and how things were gonna change, thathe had been in a depression for his whole life, and how i saved him, and that i would just never know.

So for the last 6 months he hasnt had a job, i thought he was gonna go back to school this Jan...so i didnt insists that he get a job. We agreed he would just keep the house and be there for me. We fought constantly about hte computer. He would rather be on it, sleep at night with me. Because of my past with Ben, I have many nightmares, and find it hard to sleep, but i always slept soundly with him. Anyways, he would rather be on the computer than with me. Even when it came to sex, he would rather game. I just still wanted to marry him, but I guess he just didnt want to.

 

He still hasnt said he doesnt love me, or care about me, that is what has made this so difficult. When we talked last, i told him how i felt like my life is ruined, and how now i feel so used. I told him he never cared about me and to just admit that he didnt love me anymore, so i could move on. He just looked at me and said, "That isnt my problem. You are gonna believe whatever you want to no matter what I say."

Another time when he came over to get his cat he hugged me, and said, I know you think i dont care about you, and all that * * * *," and that was it, he never finished.

 

Alot happened yesterday, for one, I took him some cigarrettes and his new insurance card, ( we have this psychic connection i know it sound weird but i feel like we are soul mates, i can always feel when he needs somehting, and he feels when something is wrong with me too) anyways he wasnt there when i got there so i went in and put the cigarettes on the counter, and as i was leaving he pulled up, he had just went to the store to get some tobacco, he started rolling his own cigs cause they are cheaper. So anyways, we talked, and he said i shouldnt have come by. He said I needed to forget about him. I cried and told him how hard it was, it has been two weeks, and him ignoring me makes me feel like trash, just discarded by him. He told me he couldnt help that, that he just couldnt see me. I held him, and asked him to please try to help me, he said he couldnt. I told him that it had been two weeks and he shouldnt ignore me, and continue to hurt me so much. That it isnt going to hurt him to talk to me on the phone, or email me back, he said he just couldnt talk to me...that i had to get thru this on my own. He said, it took him six years to get over his last ex, and what he did to her, and that 2 weeks is nothing. Then he just walked off and told me I needed to stop calling, emailing, and coming over.

So now i really feel like the obsessed ex.

After i left his house, i decided to go to my sisters house. All i did was cry, so she called my mom later on, and apparently told her what all happened. My mom in turn emails him telling him how disappointed she is in him, she always thought of him as a son.... and how the drugs must have really messed up his brain for him to be so mean now. Ihad no idea she did this, i wish they would stay out of it. Anyways my sister that lives in another town that me and Will use to talk about moving to all the time. So me and her went to look for a place for me to rent, cause i have to move from where i am anyways, cause i cant afford it. Anyways...i found some wonderful places, some even he could afford if he worked part time. He always wanted to live in this town, cause it is so close to everything, and you can walk everywhere, (he says his vehicle isnt able to get him to a job now from our hickville town) so, i emailed him the listings, and suggested we move, or start over in the new town like he had always wanted to.

Here are the emails, his replies are in bold:

Very interesting, but too late. I appreciate this, but I am not willing to do

things in jville since my reputation is being squished by your parents.

 

Your mom sent me email about what I did to you today..

 

* * *. I did nothing today to you that would warrent that sort of hate.

 

* * * *ing bull * * * *.. You should never have let them in on this or anything we

have ever decided.

 

bye.

>

>

> Date: 2005/12/28 Wed PM 09:12:34 EST

 

> Subject: OMG houses for rent!!! pls read

>

> If you don't read any of this * * * * please skip down to paragraph 3 and 4 and

read it…it can benefit you greatly, its about places to live.

 

You really do need to realize that everyone cannot cut their feelings off

like you can. I cant withdraw from the world and hide away for years and years getting over you.

I need your help. I don't know how else to say it. I don't want to call you,

or come over and feel like a pathetic obsessive ex. I never thought of us as

being boyfriend/girlfriend, you have just been my best friend, I remember us

talking one time and me saying I never wanted you to be an ex, I never thought you would be. I am sorry for all the * * * * I said, I had hoped you could tell that I didn't really mean it, you have got to know that this love is okay, and will pull you thru whatever it is you are going thru. But you are so cut off,

and out of touch with reality. I don't want to call you or come over, but that

is the only thing you leave me with. Just email me back, acknowledge me in some manner. What is it going to hurt you?

 

You have got to know how much I am hurting, cause you said it yourself you

felt it. I cant believe you felt that. It was just fleeting thoughts, but I

would never do anything like that, you are the one that use to talk about

ending it, it just made me think is all. You feel what i am going thru cause

we are still connected. You know it as good as i do, and you keep hiding from

it, and you are so scared of me. I feel it. I am thru Will. I cant talk you

into anything, I cant make you see what is already there, I don't even know why I waste my time, or my breathe, why cant I just let you go??? Cause I feel something…like something isn't right, like you are lying to yourself. That is

why you don't want to come over to my house OUR house. OUR home. You made it a home, and now it is hell for me. I want to move on, but I want US both to move on, and all you did was move back…not on, so don't say you are moving on…you are just backtracking. So here's the deal. I cant make it on my own, (financially) without some help, so lets be roomies. You can use my car to go to a part time job in the evenings 3 days a week or just the weekend,

I don't just need u emotionally Will. I need you to move back in with me,

borrow my car, get a job and help me get back on track. I need DSL or a phone for school classes, I owe them $270 and Dish Network $150 plus daddy isn't paying my car payment anymore unless I move back in with him. For my salary plus all my loans and * * * * I cant get by. The light bill has been being about $130. With this past check I had to make 2 rent payments, and pay Brandy back for insurance and make this months insurance. That leaves me no money for carpayment, so he says I need to move back home. I can't I don't want to. There is no way I can do it on my own.

You can move in and just pay the DSL help me get caught up and then pay only.We can live together and make it with you just working part time like we use to when we were best friends and not in a relationship. I need you to do

this for me Will just temporarily, I wont let it get serious or be about love

or anything. You don't owe me cause I never wanted you to work, but I need you now. You know we can live together and make it. I can't get another job because I signed a contract with TA so they have me for the rest of the year. But I am going to get a part time job in *** at either the hospital or Buffaloes, my application is in with both of them. Once I get that part time job, I can help you get a vehicle, I can get your truck fixed now, my uncle can fix it. I wish you would take this opportunity, not just to help yourself but for my sake too. Come January 25th with that monthly paycheck we can move…

>

> And get this if you read nothing else listen to this:

> I have been looking for a place to rent in Dublin I am going thru ****

Realty, I may leave the list they gave me in your mailbox, I am moving the

first of the year. There are 3 houses on Academy Avenue for $200, and one for

$275. There are several on North Jeffesron St. for those prices too there are

about 15 listings that are under $300 and about 6 that are $325. Some are on

Johnson St. and one is on Franklin, but most are Jefferson, and Duncan. I

figure if you don't want to live with me then you can live on your own at that

rate, they are all within walking distance of plenty of stores and such. Except

the ones on Academy Ave…those are over there down by the Police station. But of

course you know where Jefferson is, its that main road running thru **** by

the courthouse all the way down to the Foodmax u use to work at. One for $200

is shady, but right behind that store accross from Foodmax, and accross from that

hotel the man got murdered at. But still $200 you cant beat that. It is 2

bedroom, and I figured if you don't want to live there with me and be my

security, then I can pay for ADT Security at $45 a month, and feel pretty safe.

Or maybe I am just fooling myself. Anyways I am gonna try and move so I can

have 2 jobs until I am out from under this contract with TA in May then I can

get a job in **** as a Probation officer making $49K a year. Then I can

afford the good houses in the best section of town, there are so many!

>

> Ok, so anyways, the best part I saved for last. **** realty also has

Offices/Buildings to rent on Jefferson, Hwy. 80 and some other main streets.

Most are about $400-600 but they have about 4 that are $300 and $375, and these are ones you can live in and work out of! Will- this is your dream…I know we can do it, and when you get set up and going, I will be out from under this contract and can move out and let you have the place.

> I just wanted to tell you about these, because I am so excited. I will

finally be far out of that little community's reach…I hope you will email me

back, or give this some thought, you can call me and I can come get you to go look at these places. I can get three keys at a time to go look at those

places. You don't even have to work if you will move into that $200 place with me, you can just go to school, and keep the place and be my security. It isn't like in the ghetto or anything, it is right on Jefferson, so it isn't that

terribly shady…. Will…this is serious * * * *. I have hope. Please email me back

to let me know you saw this part.

 

 

He replied with this

 

From: W i l l

Date: 2005/12/28 Wed PM 10:24:51 CST

To:

Subject: Re: OMG houses for rent!!! pls read

 

Very interesting, but too late. I appreciate this, but I am not willing to do

things in jville since my reputation is being squished by your parents.

 

Your mom sent me email about what I did to you today..

 

* * *. I did nothing today to you that would warrent that sort of hate.

 

* * * *ing bull * * * *.. You should never have let them in on this or anything we

have ever decided.

 

bye.

 

 

so after finding out what my mom did, and how she told him he needed help and all that * * * *, i emailed him back this:

 

Okay,first off, I havent even talked to my mother today, I am emailing her

now, actually i will just call her. I am at sis's and she apparently told

her what was going on with me today, i was just so ready to move away from you, or see if you would move away with me, and i guess she talked to mama about it.

I dont freaking know!!!!! UGH!

> Will, i am so sorry, i know how much you hate when they get involved...you

are the one who has said over and over that they are too close to me or

whatever that i need to get away and be on my own. I WOULD NEVER run to them with it...you just fussed at me today about that, and i DIDNT run to them that time daddy came and talked to you THEN. GOD I KNOW that makes you hate me more.

Why would i ever do that.

> I swear they WILL not tarnish your reputation...you can still move to ****

and do the business, didnt i tell u about the residential/office space we can

look at here in Dublin. I am going back to **** tomorrow to get more keys and a map to those houses i cant find the streets for. You should come look, at least just for yourself.

> Thankyou so much for replying. I hope you continue to do so.

> I just dont understand what goes on with my family...now you can see why i am the way i am. You always called it the worldly me. I dont want to be that person...i need you to be normal so i can be ya know? I am so sorry.

> p.s. please forward me the bull * * * * she sent u

 

Only to get this reply from him.

Just quit contacting me. I am tired of this. I am no longer there to do

whatever you have Everyone thinking I did to you. This is no new revelation. I

know you tried to help me. We just got to the point months ago to where we did more harm than good to each other. It is over.

 

I remember what you said on the phone, what you said living together, what your dad said, I know my own impression of things and nothing you say will sway my opinion. Whatever you have done, said, experienced since I left and here after is your own doing. I have no say or sway in the matter; which is why I do not wish to speak with you in any form.

 

feel like I have more to say but do not have the will to do so in any form.

Forcing one to state their opinion is foolish. THEY should be the one to

volunteer it. If you want to continue letting the people in your world to know

my business, maybe we should have us all a good pow-wow and get ready to resent each other. Get your mom to email me another * * * *ty letter saying how bad of a person I am not knowing my entire business if you want us ALL to talk. your whole family

 

and so i sent him back this:

Ok this is ridiculous. You dont have to act that way. Why do you say * * * * like that, but then when we see each othe you dont act so mean? and your eyes tell a different story? Please call me, so we can get this * * * * settled. You know I cant sleep with this tension between us. I cant believe you let my family get u this worked up. I know I need to leave you alone...but lets end on good terms.Dont let them play you and run your life, and keep letting them do it to me.

 

after 3 hours of hearing nothing I kept thinking about what he said, and my heart was breaking more, i felt like i couldnt breathe,I emailed him again this:

 

omg just quit contacting me, like it is so easy, did u actually * * * *ing type that with a straight face? like you just say it and it is done, i hurt, physically now...tired, just tired. god i am so * * * *ing tired. cant u just call me?come stay with me tonite or something. god why do i live in this * * * *ing fantasy world!!!! what have you done to me? i dont even know, how the hell could i tell anyone. OMG

OMG i cant take this * * * *

* * * why? this is so * * * *ed up, i sit here constantly checkig my email...it is pathetic, how did i get so pathetic, i swore a man would never hurt me, yet i hurt morenow than ever, god

u just need to put this * * * * aside and hold me, just pretend things are normal, then when things are clear and i wake up it will be over. do u konw what i mean? could u do that? you could but u wont, u wnat nothing to do with me, i am trash in your book now, tossed aside and discarded for being "damaged" and too much family waste huh?

OMG how did it come to this.you have known me since we were ten, you sense what i am thinkig, we have our connection, you admitted that you knew how i was feeling, and you still felt my "pull" or whatever you said, so how can you do this? Why cant you be my best friend again and see what you are doing to me.

i just cant deal

I am coming home cause i feel sick. I am going to walk accross the field to your house and knock on your window,my car might wake up your mom, so be looking for me.

 

 

Okay, so now today, I still havent heard anything from him, he never emailed me back, or called me, so i didnt go, i realized how stalkerish it would seem now that he has said its over. He use to knock on my window all the time before he moved in, so that was our thing, sometiems we would meet inthefield and make love out in the open at night...now that is just all tarnished and ruined.

So i am leaving him alone...i am going to stay in this city with my sister so thati stay away from him, since he is just right accross the way from my house, sitting there wasting away....

i just feel like * * * *.

i guess this has became my online diary...i cant believe i typed all this out!](*,) but thanks for all your help guys

[versat_il]

Let’s get few thinks clear:

Marijuana (grass, pot, and weed) is the common name for a crude drug made from the plant Cannabis sativa. The main mind-altering (psychoactive) ingredient in marijuana is THC (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol).

A common bad reaction to marijuana is the "acute panic anxiety reaction." People describe this reaction as an extreme fear of "losing control," which causes panic. (Luckily I suffer from this adverse reaction which eventually determined me to quit) {I think…}

Long-term regular users of marijuana may become psychologically dependent. They may have a hard time limiting their use, they may need more of the drug to get the same effect, and they may develop problems with their jobs and personal relationships. The drug can become the most important aspect of their lives.

 

What it’s wrote above you can find on many web-sites but let’s get into “problems with personal relationship” a little bit more.

I told you I relate but I’m not going to tell my story now since that’s already posted I’m going to try and help via my personal similar experience.

 

You make it sound like Will’s depressions come from his bitter life experience (his father dyeing) but that’s not entirely true. THC dependency tends to bring along a god friend called depression and dependency+depression make a wonderful couple. They work in what’s known as a snowball effect. The longer you do it (dependency) the bigger it gets (depression).

One can seem hopeless and reasonless to other and most of the time it’s just cast out.

I’m going to try to explain what Will is going through so you can understand him a little better; this will require for you to act or even change the way you do things in order to change him. It will require all of your emotional strength and support from others. What you will get in return it’s more then a friend but you have to face the possibility of failure before you proceed. Will sounds like a smart man so just pretending won’t do the trick you really have to be in for it.

 

Will did love before and that didn’t turn out so well for him since he spent 6 years recovering. (It only took 2 for me …but that’s another story).

Will is just afraid of getting hurt all over again .The very time you two got serious he realized it and got scared ***tless . He loves you but afraid to commit and afraid of getting hurt. Consider this possibility as an encouragement. Since his under the influence you can’t reason with him like grown, mature people do first of you have to make him realize he has an issues and let him deal with it. There’s little you can do without turning him against you.

 

He knows you can do well for him “i came back into his life, and he got into a technical school

“ and is probably willing to accept your help but not in the way you know to offer it. Keep calling him and ‘stressing’ him with e-mails and eventually he’ll do what I did and give you powerful enough reason not to do those things. (Like saying I don’t love ..or I hate you ..or I found someone else)

 

Try to make him see the situation differently, face him …admit you’re wrong (doe you’re not) tell him you want to grow old with him and that you want to make love with him…that you want to build a feature beside him and have kids some day …tell him you want to share you’re life with him … crying will do just as long as it’s doesn’t stop you from speaking …look him in the eyes (I’ll bet he’ll just look away ). That’s probably the only kind of reasoning that works right now.

 

Never mention drug problems , make him stop doing it by his own will not by you’re saying so.

He’s problem with your folks exist because he’s afraid of what they think of his drug problem …you don’t want to find yourself in that posse. Become a supportive, understanding friend not a tutor for him. Don’t tell him where and how you want to move out with him …rather dream away with him and hint as to doing that.

 

Start out by not being so ‘obsessed’ with him and be more a friend like figure rather then a despaired lover. Let him grow found of you again, rushing things just doesn’t work in this case.

 

I’m not being rood but you are nagging him. You have to get beneath his skin before you can do the rescuing otherwise he’ll just do something stupid which probably both of you will regret (I know I do)

 

You have to consider my suggestion as a long run, which if it turns out the wrong way will leave you emotionally drained.

 

I apologize for calling annie24 wrong. Actually her point of view is a quick way out of this and you also have to consider that a possibility since you posted under “Healing after breakup or divorce”.

We are suggesting things not sending you wild goose chasing.

 

I just wish someone pointed this things out to my girlfriend , back when were having this issue. But I guess it’s better of not to look back …at least for her it is.

People like will and I are difficult persons which require a lot of attention till recovering. I’m clever enough to do things by own ,aldoe it’s not easy … I wonder if will is ?

[michelemybell]

Stranded,

You said thank you for our advice, but I'm not sure if you read any of it or even want to follow our suggestions.

Speaking from experience, all I can say is that by contacting him and pushing him when he specifically has told you not to is just going to drive him away further. Have you noticed that the more you do so, the more irritated he is getting??? Back off. Give him the space he needs. Stop obsessing over his life. Stop finding places for him to live and trying to save him. He's an adult; You can't save him. He's gotta fend for himself. I beg you to get some professional help for this. Stop trying to save him and save yourself.

[strndedbyluv]

Stranded,

You said thank you for our advice, but I'm not sure if you read any of it or even want to follow our suggestions.

Speaking from experience, all I can say is that by contacting him and pushing him when he specifically has told you not to is just going to drive him away further. Have you noticed that the more you do so, the more irritated he is getting??? Back off. Give him the space he needs. Stop obsessing over his life. Stop finding places for him to live and trying to save him. He's an adult; You can't save him. He's gotta fend for himself. I beg you to get some professional help for this. Stop trying to save him and save yourself.

 

 

I did take everyones advice to heart. especially versat_il's cause he has really been there. Will was just my addiction and still is in a way. But I did leave him alone, i finally just got so hurt by him still not caring that i just about moved back in with my sister in another town and starting seeing another guy...just casually going out on dates, and meeting for cofee. Nothing serious just things to get my mind off of him.

His mom called me everynow and then to let me know he was still not doing anything. Then one nite, i felt him "calling" to me. So i wallked over to his house,and asked if he wanted to see me. He just looked with watery eyes and said, yea, it was exactly what he needed. We talked all nite 6 hours straight outside, on the walk to my house, in my car, to the store, out for cofee, then back home where we fell asleep on the couch.

Things have not been peachy since then, but somehow in the past month or so, he has moved back in with me...and we are working out our problems...we argue,but we always make it thru it...

I love him, and want to be everything to him. LIfe is good when its good but bad when we are at odd. I know this relationship is not a healthy one. We have both acknowledged this fact, but we have both decided that no relationship is 100% perfect all of the time. He has decided to not run away from me, and our life, to stick it out and learn about each other and how to live together, and be good with each other. Sometimes i feel like love shouldnt be so hard, but other times i feel like we are just perfect.

I know i love him, but i am not sure if he will ever love me this much