a tough (post-break up) 2005 for everyone?

[ninjagirl]

Hey all,

 

It seems like so many people I've talked to this year say it was a tough year. It was my first year of being apart from a verbally abusive, controlling boyfriend of 8 years, a controlling family before that, and, just this month, I have decided to get out of a living situation with (guess!) a good friend who also has control issues (or so I've just realized). On top of my best friend's dad being murdered two years ago, us just going through the trial, and other long term relationships breaking up this year, and people's parents getting sick or dying--has it been a hard year for everyone? Why is that? It has been a year of incredible growth and yet, realizing that I will be alone this Christmas because I can't be with my toxic family (they criticized me for attending my best friend's trial in the murder of her father, saying we were both 'weak' and should be able to handle such hardship on our own--yes, they;re whacked), sometimes I wonder how much growth there has been and what it matters in the long run.

 

I've decided to volunteer for a soup kitchen for the first time in my life this Xmas (I come from a family of atheists, so this was my own initiative). I'm not spending Xmas with my family because they're too toxic and have been way to hard on me in a year that has been my hardest. I've had to stop talking with them by phone. I feel like I'm doing all the right things--making new friends, being active, being positive, pursuing my passions--and yet sometimes it's so hard to keep one foot in front of the other. My ex, by the way, never checks up on me, and immediately got together with someone right after we broke up, because he couldn;t deal, he said. I have a feeling he has someone else for the holidays this year, while I've been single for over a year. Anyone else feel similarly down this year? Is there karma? Does it all even out? How to get through it?

 

I've always thought the best way to combat the hard parts of life are with dancing, optimism, humor, and song. But I guess we all have our weak moments.

 

Anyway, thanks for any kind thoughts out there. You guys have been my salvation this past year.

[steff]

yep, this year has been a hard one... maybe not as hard as yours, but this is my family...

 

my family suffered 6 deaths in 9 months, i also went through 'dealing with rape' my father was unemployed for the first time in my life, which made it hard on the whole family, my grandmother was dieing from cancer all through the year, my sister continusely making it hard on the family with her boyfriend, and just the general hardship of friends at school and completing my final year at high school HSC/VCE so yeah its been hard...

 

and for a lot of other people its been hard... i think its been a bad year all the way around.

 

although i dont think its Karma, but i believe that next year will be better, and i really hope thats the case for you, i think u and your friend really need a good year now, and oh.... well done for braking up with ur absive boyfriend... im trying to convince my sister to do the same that would have been a massive step for you...

 

i think its great that your going to work in a soup kitchen on christmas, thats really good, caring and conciderate of you, you should feel really special on christmas day

 

 

well good luck, and keep us informed next year, as to whether things are getting any better for you.... coz we really do care

[Shadows Light]

Hey... YOU are doing GREAT. Lots of positive things happening in the midst of chaos and change. Big big time growth for you.

 

Verbally abusive relationships.... well you've been conditioned. First from your primary family. And then you vaciltated toward someone with whom you felt comfortable with... a verbally abusive controlling mate. Makes sense.

 

NOPE... our family and friend do NOT always agree with us and what we are doing. Especially if we're rocking the boat and falling out of uniform.

 

As long as the life changes you are making are socially acceptable ones, you are NOT hurting yourself or others. And they are POSITIVE life changes.... hey.. YOU GO FOR IT. And feel good about it.

 

Standing by your friends during their times of stress is a very noble thing. NOT many do that anymore these days. When crap hits the fan... you know who your friends are.. they are the ones left at your side, while everyone else jumps ship and runs for cover.

 

I'd rather be in a FOXHOLE with someone I knew would watch my back than with someone who'd let me face my trials and tribulations ALONE. ANYONE that can't abide by that can get the flip out and find their own FOXHOLE.

 

Your EX. Honey...its a lonely time of year. I know. We get nostalgic for the GOOD times this time of year. And have the TENDENCY to forget WHY we got out of the relationship in the first place. Give yourself a hug, pour yourself a glass of wine... TOAST your good fortunes. And keep on going. When you feel like your walking through the pits of HELL the best thing to do is KEEP ON WALKING. You'll make it. You'll be ok.

 

I just had a friend of mine point out to me something profound. She asked me where I WAS this time last year??? And I have to think back on it.. AYE.. things were dark dark dark this time last year. This year I may be ALONE..but its not so dark. I'm in a better place than I was a year ago. I've made progress. So Chin up GF... it'll all get better.

 

What doesn't kill ya...makes you stronger. LOL. Builds Charachter.

 

And you are absolutely right... Sing, Dance, and Laugh OFTEN.... its the best drug in the world. Laughter.

[antigravity]

Yeah had a tough year too.. I still am.

 

Went through my first ever breakup of a long term relationship, suffered from depression and social anxiety all at the same time.

 

I'm slowly recovering now from the breakup, and the anxiety is gone, but the depression resurfaces everynow and then.

 

My ex just ripped my heart out again two days ago, so I feel like I'm back to square one.. But i'll get back to where I was.

 

Good luck with everything everyone. We all deserve a bit of good luck everynow and then.

[ninjagirl]

Shadows...thanks for the response. You're right--you just have to keep on going forward, keep your chin up, and you WILL get through...and real friends can be hard to come by, but the ones I have, I know I'll have until I die. Perhaps there is something about hitting 30, when you realize your parents are mortal and you start seeing people for what they really are. But it is a time of great growth, and I'd rather be a deeper and sometimes sadder person than someone who has a neat, one-track life and doens't get to appreciate the deeper things as much.

 

I feel good about the soup kitchen thing...always makes me feel good to fight sadness and bitterness with laughter, parties and kindness. So glad others feel the same.

 

All of you--it doesn't stay dark forever. Even I know I'm just having a down day, and tomorrow will be better. So I am hunkerng down with some movie and ice cream (coffee) tonight and I'm just going to ride it out. Cheers to all you recovering heartbroken people out there...there is hope.

[Juha]

Tough year here to...

 

Lost my job...The person I love more than anyone in the world just left me and never said anything and still has not...

 

My anxiety came back and with it the depression then my ex walked out on me...I was left to deal with everything on my own...I am so much better now, I understand where I went wrong and how to take care of me, again...

 

Just had my birthday this past week, did not do anything and besides my family and a couple of friends no one reconized it... Ex did not acknowledge it...Now Christmas and I really miss her so much...

 

I am better and I am more positive and happy than I was six months ago...I am a better me than before...

 

None of my birthday or Christmas wishes came true...

 

Don't feel like I can trust anyone with my heart or feelings ever again...

 

I know I will be good and be a better and stronger person for it...

 

Here is hoping everyone's 2006 is better than 2005, we deserve it...

 

Happy holidays to everybody... And thank you to everyone for the support I have received here...

[antigravity]

Tough year here to...

 

The person I love more than anyone in the world just left me [...]

 

My anxiety came back and with it the depression then my ex walked out on me...I was left to deal with everything on my own...I am so much better now, I understand where I went wrong and how to take care of me, again [...]

 

I am better and I am more positive and happy than I was six months ago...I am a better me than before[...]

 

Don't feel like I can trust anyone with my heart or feelings ever again...

 

I know I will be good and be a better and stronger person for it...

 

Juha, I'm sorry to hear about what you've gone through... It's almost a bittersweet feeling.

 

You do come out of it a better person, but at the same time, you realise there's a lot of pain to be felt in this world... And you become aware that more than likely you'll experience this pain again. At least we can prepare for it next time.

 

Your situation is VERY similar to mine. I was suffering for anxiety and depression for quite a while, and when I decided to fight it, my partner left me! After 5 years. Coming out from the first doctor's appointment, went to kiss her with tears in my eyes from crying, and she wouldn't let me. That was a horrible experience. Ripped my heart out.

 

So I know how tough it can be... Your definitely not alone.

 

I also worry that I'm not going to be able to trust anyone fully again. I'm assuming your like me and put all your trust in your ex. Being burnt like that makes me worry that I'll protect myself too much in the future, and find it hard to open up and trust again... I hope we get through that.

 

But it's good to hear your on the right track... It's a long road, one that i'm still travelling, but hopefully I get there soon too

 

Sounds like you're doing well.

[OverParanoid]

I had a tough year also........

 

Husband was in between jobs

 

Finances went downhill , now im sinking in debt

 

My nephew passsed away in a car accident at the age of 18

 

Had to move out of my current apartment because my lanlord raised the rent to 1200 from 725.00, caused me to be in debt again had to cut corners to come up with deposit and first months rent for my new place.

 

But after all of this, I relaized that they are people out there worse off then I am. Even though I dont have enough money for gifts this christmas, Im happy to be alive and have a family that supports me.

 

My situation just gives me more courage to make 2006 a better year. A year to learn from my mistakes, catch up on all my debts and to never take life for granted....

[healinginnyc81]

You know I think you guys are right, this has been a bad year for tons of people, I mean people were recovering from the Asian tsunami, we had the hurricanes in the Gulf Coast, earthquake in Pakistan, I'm sure there's more.

Personally, I went through a "quarterlife" crisis of not knowing what I was doing with my life or who I want to be, this turned into depression, I couldn't have fun with friends, I couldn't get into schoolwork, and then my gf who was planning to move to NY to live with me broke up with me 2 weeks ago.

I am so glad that the year is almost over.

I'm trying to believe that next year will be better.